"Over Her Dead Body" Review - Written by Spaldy

Starring: Eva Longoria Parker, Paul Rudd, Lake Bell
Movie: 1
Film: 1

Somewhere in there was a movie that did not make me want to kill myself.
Pre-show: Let me paint a picture of the scene. Imagine a movie that no one thinks is going to be good, in the smallest theatre of the local megaplex. Lining the hallway outside the theatre are a hundred kids and one of their parents, eager to see “Hannah Montana,” that is playing next door. Inside the little theatre for “Over Her Dead Body” are couples (with a very polite and whipped boyfriend who may or may not be doing this after bargaining to see “Rambo” with his girl last week), kids whose parents did not get tickets to Hannah in time, spinster cat ladies, Paul Rudd stalkers, and me. Since I had just left work I got to the theatre early and as the first one in the theatre, I picked the premium middle seat with the railing in front for easy escape to the bathroom. After suffering through the ads and taking stock of the other unfortunate individuals attending the movie, I settled in for the previews. The previews were rather interesting: “Penelope” (with McAvoy!), “Get Smart” (with Carell!), “Run Fatboy Run” (with Simon Pegg!), and “Sex and the City” (with…some sort of vagina I’m assuming!). Some interesting choices coming up.

Then I get the dreaded “could you move your seat?” I hate this. I shouldn’t have to move out of my warm, well chosen seat just because the people on either side chose to leave a seat next to me when they sat down after I did. Further, there were plenty of seats left. If you are arriving late to a movie with plenty of seats, God forbid you should take a seat that does not give you the perfect viewing experience. This isn’t “Lawrence of Arabia.” This is a projected shit wipe. Suck it up and don’t ask me to move seats.

Movie: “Over Her Dead Body” is the story of a woman named Kate who is crushed to dead on her wedding day. After being especially bitchy to her spirit guide she is returned to Earth without any instructions on what she is supposed to do. Naturally Kate assumes that she is supposed to protect her fiancée from having sex with an attractive young woman that makes him happy. The story is reminiscent of the sweet movie “Kiss Me Goodbye,” only this movie is quite awful. Written and directed by Jeff Lowell whose writing credits include “Inside Schwartz,” “Zoe, Duncan, Jack, and Jane,” and “John Tucker Must Die,” I really should not have expected to laugh. Especially when the trailer was about as funny as a paper cut to the eye.

The movie opens on a photo collage of the happy “couple:” Paul Rudd and Eva Longoria Parker. Now, just in theory I don’t buy these two as a couple. In theory. In practice, looking at these staged photos, I REALLY don’t. Paul looks like a fan posing for photos with Eva. It isn’t that I don’t love Paul. I do. He’s awesome. However, Eva does not come across as the kind of person that would date as awesome and fun a guy as Paul. Neither does Eva’s character, Kate. The character of Kate is bitchy, demanding, and has no sense of humor. Paul Rudd’s character, Henry, seems like the kind of guy who would not put up with this shit. Henry is not weak willed or a pushover. He is funny and confidant and not only do I not see him proposing to Kate, but I also see zero chemistry. Even a drunken one night stand seems unlikely unless she was really drunk and really mute.

Yet we are supposed to believe that these two were not only about to be married but also that they were happy about the impending nuptials. I would say the blame should be on bad casting but as written, I am not so sure the story would have worked character wise even with the best of casting. The sole saving grace of the movie was the men and in particular, Paul Rudd. Rudd, who could be funny giving the keynote address at a CDC conference on infant mortality rates, managed to elicit 3 of the 4 laughs that managed to escape my body. Most of the laughs were due to Rudd’s delivery, but I am not such a bitch that I won’t admit I thought a couple of lines were well written. But only a couple. In a 90 minute comedy. Not to mention that these well written lines may well have been Rudd ad libs, so let us keep that in mind. Also amusing (briefly) was Jason Biggs character, Dan. Dan is not too amusing for extended periods and most of his physical comedy was bordering on desperate. Occasionally though, I liked him a tiny, tiny bit. Finally, there was the wonderful Stephen Root. Who happened to be a nonentity here actually. Root played a drunk. One can only hope he went method for this role and has no memory of making this movie.

On the female casting side was Eva. Sigh. Eva. I will admit (reluctantly and with great shame) that I watch “Desperate Housewives.” However, I have recently come to realize that I dislike almost every female character on the show. This is kind of a problem. I especially dislike Gabby; she is a selfish, greedy twit. The character in this movie, Kate, is a lot like Gabby. This leaves one of three choices. One, Eva had no better offers. Two, Eva does not have much range. Or three, these characters are basically Eva. If it is the latter, I think I hate Eva Longoria Parker. A lot. On top of Kate’s shortcomings as a person, the first 20 minutes of the film bring us my most hated of hair dos ever. Kate had that hair tsunami sweep back that looks like it is about to crash forward onto the face of some unsuspecting victim. Her hair was taller than her actual face. It is a female pompadour and it must cease to infect TV and film.

As far as other women in the movie, they were not too terrible. Lake Bell plays Ashley, Henry’s new love interest. The moderately funny Bell has phenomenal hair (which I totally covet) and I liked her wardrobe quite a bit. The character is a much better fit for Rudd than Longoria Parker, both as a character and in on screen chemistry. In fact, I spent the entire time wondering why we were bothering with the character of Kate at all. The only moments I even approached enjoying myself was with Rudd. Why can’t we have a movie about Rudd dating? Now that is some crappy romantic comedy shtick I could get behind!

Somewhere in there could have been a decent movie. Deep, deep down. It had all the elements; excluding script, direction, and lead actress. I could not help but feel like this movie was rushed into production because of the looming writer’s strike. This is why movies have rewrites. This movie needed a couple dozen of them. And movies like this will be one of the side effects of the rushed production before the strike. Like medications with grotesque side effects, movies like this will be the uncontrolled diarrhea and anal leakage of the pre-strike era rush medication to soothe the pain of a strike.

Rudd is great (though he seems to be a bit angry in this movie – and who could blame him?) but even lingering close-ups on his gorgeous eyes was not enough to make this movie watchable. It sucks. Pure and simple. Just what everyone expected. As dirty as I felt when I bought the ticket or when I entered the theatre, that was nothing compared to how I felt as I was leaving the theatre and caught the following exchange. A sleazy looking thirty-something usher was flirting with two young girls and said, “So you’re only 17 then?” As his smile grew wider in direct proportion the creepiness of the moment, I could not help but feel like I needed a shower. I guess there were worse things to happen in the theatre other than actually having to sit through the movie.