TonyD's Top 25 of '007

This year, I changed the way how I put them on my top 25. It used to be only DVD releases released in the year, but now I’m including only theatrical. So here were some of my favorite films released theatrically in 2006 that I didn’t get a chance until ‘007.

1. CHILDREN OF MEN Directed by Alfonso Cuaron – While this was released in theaters around me January 5 of 007, it was released in New York and L.A. on December 29, 2006, so it doesn’t count as being on my official top. “Children of Men” is short of nothing but brilliance. It contains one of the greatest one-shot sequences that I have seen in theaters, and I still can’t get over it after numerous re-watches on the Cinemax channel. Cuaron creates P.D. James dark and frightening tale into one of the best and heartwarming films that I’ve seen. Besides the fact that I felt like screaming that Angelina Jolie called that child halfway through the movie, it seems like that me and “Children of Men” were perfect for each other.

2. THE DEPARTED Directed by Martin Scorsese – After many times watching it over and over again, I always find something new in this Martin Scorsese flick. Say what you want about it, that it wasn’t his best film, that it didn’t feel like a “Scorsese” film, or that it sucked. It made you look like a whiney bitch, and it made your mother beg for more after it was over. If this won Martin Scorsese an Oscar and “Taxi Driver” didn’t, you know that this movie is that good. With excellent performances by Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, plus we even got something out of Anthony Anderson (I’m still shocked), “The Departed” is so good that I will slap the shit out of you if you tell me that you didn’t see it yet.

3. THE PRESTIGE Directed by Christopher Nolan – Between this and “The Illusionist,” this one easily takes the cake as being one of the best magician films coming out in the past ten years. I know that many people are saying that this is nothing but a pissing contest, but I assure you, it’s more than that – it’s a shitting contest. That’s right, who can shit the most. It’s a suspenseful ride that leaves you guessing until the big finale, and this finale is without a doubt the best part of the film. Between this, “Batman Begins,” and “Memento,” Christopher Nolan looks to have an excellent future in the world of filmmaking. Next up… “The Dark Knight.”

4. PAN’S LABYRINTH Directed by Guillermo del Toro – del Toro creates one of the most magical films of the last year that it shocked me and make me applaud after the movie is over, which I was looked at by everyone in my house that evening. “Pan’s Labyrinth” is so great not because of that Civil War subplot, but you have to look at it in a child’s eyes, look at it through Ofelia’s perspective. In “Tideland,” you had to do this also, but Terry Gilliam isn’t that good at creating a film that you have to look at in a different perspective. It seems like in every movie of del Toro’s (with the exception of “Hellboy,” which you have to look at with a blindfold over your eyes in order to really enjoy it), the characters are the story.

5. BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN Directed by Larry Charles – I could go on and on describing what this film was really intended to be about, but then I would only get so far that you guys would start playing with yourselves rather than listen to me. “Borat” is one of the greatest characters in the history of film and television because he makes the people in the United States look like fools. When they sign a permission slip to be in the film, they don’t know what they’re doing, but they just want to act on camera and be a runner-up in the Special Olympics (case in point, the drunk Frat boys). Borat has an excuse for saying shit like “Throw the Jew down the well,” because in his country they are the most evil and despicable people on the face of the earth, but don’t you think in our country, the U, S, and A, would know better about saying shit like “Gay people should be hung?”

6. IDIOCRACY Directed by Mike Judge – Every time this comes on Cinemax, I must watch it. It gets funnier each time I watch it. If the most average guy in 2005 can be the smartest guy in 2505, I feel bad for our youth. But if “Idiocracy” is anything else but a comedy, is it Mike Judge showing us the decrease of the teaching in schools? Maybe this may be a cry for help for our youth… aw who gives a shit? It’s a funny movie, that’s all I care about. Coming in 2505 – “Ass.”

7. BABEL Directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu – “Babel” may have been one of the top five movies on my list last year if I went by theatrical releases. It had everything – humor, drama, horror, Kikuchi’s coochie, and one of my favorite scenes in cinematic history when the Mexican lady and the little kids crossing the boarder. It’s one of those love it or hate it types of films, but I’m sure that everyone will at least get something out of it (unless if you are Royce Clemens, then you will be getting jack shit).

8. APOCALYPTO Directed by Mel Gibson – Say what you want about Mel Gibson himself being a drunk or Anti-Semitic. I’m not here to talk about that. What I’m here to talk about is how good “Apocalypto” is. There is one long scene where they send a bunch of Mayans running into a field only for them to be shot by arrows. It had some of the best editing and sound effects, so you would feel like that you were there watching it happen. “Apocalypto” wasn’t recognized the way it should have, due to being postponed for more work on special effects and Gibson not being able to advertise it. Despite there being no A-list stars, “Apocalypto” tastes good with a lot of liver and fava beans.

9. LET’S GO TO PRISON Directed by Bob Odenkirk – And yes, I love “Let’s Go To Prison.” It’s so stupid yet so funny that I’m still surprised that this wasn’t released to a wider audience. For someone who hates fart jokes, gay jokes, black people jokes, and gay black people farting jokes, I sure as hell laughed my ass off. No one saw this one coming because no one wanted to see a film like this. It was released at the wrong time, coming out a week before “Apocalypto” and a couple weeks after “The Departed.” Even though I didn’t have a problem with “Let’s Go To Prison,” I know that many people did. If Bob Odenkirk keeps this up, he’ll make his way as being one of my favorite comedic writers and directors.

10. LITTLE CHILDREN Directed by Todd Field – I re-watched this one the other night and it still holds up. “Little Children” is one of the most impressive films of the year just because that I never expected anything like this coming towards me. I expected just another run into the house and pull something out and call it a cake-walk, but this time I was impressed. The film is chock-full of great performances by Kate Winslet, Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Connelly, Noah Emmerich, and Jackie Earle Haley, who came off of a thirteen year break from acting and received a well-deserved Oscar nomination as the pedophile who just wants to be like everyone else. “Little Children” is the best film based on the life of suburbia since “American Beauty” – just how much do we really know about our neighbors?

Honorable Mention: BEER LEAGUE Directed by Frank Sebastiano – “Beer League” was the first movie that I saw in ‘007, and it is without a doubt one of the funniest films I saw in ‘007. While movies like “The Benchwarmers” were evil and hated you for watching it, movies like “Beer League” were made that no one even stood up and recognized. I can’t tell you how much I laughed during this film. Go see it, and thank me later.

And now here is my top 25 of ‘007.

25. HAIRSPRAY Directed by Adam Shankman – If this means anything, I really thought that “Hairspray” was going to blow. REALLY thought it was going to blow. This film featured five people in Hollywood that I either hated or wanted dead (you can decide for yourself who it was). I actually wasn’t going to see this in the theater, but when someone hands you four free tickets and tells you to go shoot your eyes out, you’re going to take them and use them wisely, right? Well, I was surprised, so surprised that I had a grin on my face the entire film. When you can get that one person who hates everything and everyone in the world to like your movie, you have done something right.

24. DEATH SENTENCE Directed by James Wan – You were surprised by this film too?! I thought I was the only one… I originally expected to see “Halloween” and “Balls of Fury” one day, but instead, I went to see “Death Sentence.” I like to take risks, you know, and while I despised Wan’s last film also released this year, I did like “Saw.” Wan departs from the horror genre for one moment, and does a great job with the action genre. It’s a revenge film that doesn’t hold back. It shoots a kid in the back of the head and slashes another one’s stomach open. I know that you will be like “Ew gross,” but I’m going to say, “Hell Yeah!” I’m sure that most people are going to hate this film because the man decides to be a vigilante but actually kills almost everyone in his family in the process, but at least it’s not like a revenge film that isn’t scared to kill people who should survive.

23. PAPRIKA Directed by Satoshi Kan – I’m not a huge fan of anime. The only anime films that I actually really like are “Howl’s Moving Castle” and “Pokemon: The First Movie.” But “Paprika” is the only one in recent memory to hit home. Not only was it a great idea, but it wasn’t one of those great ideas that only sounded good. “Paprika” had a brilliant idea, and the idea was executed perfectly by the end of the film. I would like to say that I want to see “Paprika” as a live-action feature film, but the only way that you could watch a movie like this is in animation. You can’t film a world like this in live-action. A dream-world is in a dream for a reason.

22. ENCHANTED Directed by Kevin Lima – I originally gave it three stars out of four, but I had questioned myself. If a movie does its job, doesn’t it constitute as being a good movie? And if you like it, doesn’t it constitute as being a GREAT movie? Amy Adams gives one of the best performances of the year as Giselle, plus James Marsden gives a fun and hilarious performance as Prince Edward. The music is catchy and exciting. “Enchanted” is a hit in all directions, making it one of the best films of the year and certainly one of the most fun films of the year.

21. ZODIAC Directed by David Fincher – David Fincher, who made two of my favorite movies of all-time, comes back and directs one of the better films of the year. Being a big fan of the show of “America’s Most Wanted,” I always had a boner whenever they showed the case of the Zodiac, a killer who haunted the San Francisco streets since the 1970s. There have been several adaptations of the tale since, plus “Dirty Harry” was based on the case, but this is the best one that I’ve seen. Throughout the movie, there are fantastic performances, great camera angles, and plenty of suspense. These three hours were the fastest three hours that I’ve ever sat through.

20. BLACK SNAKE MOAN Directed by Craig Brewer – Craig Brewer probably ruined his film career in this film, but it’s hard for you not to say that the man made an instant classic. “Black Snake Moan” is Craig Brewer’s second film. Coming off of “Hustle and Flow,” the second best film of 2005, he does the remarkable. Brewer creates two characters that it would be so easy to hate, but he gives us an opportunity to like them. He gives us an old blues player and a nymphomaniac, and he makes us feel bad for both characters. I know most people didn’t take this seriously when Samuel L. Jackson was starring in yet another film with the word ‘snake’ in the title, but it was one of the best moves that the guy has done in his career.

19. 3:10 TO YUMA Directed by James Mangold – After his last hit “Walk the Line,” Mangold comes back and remakes a film called “3:10 to Yuma,” a 1962 Western that was originally written as a short-story by Elmore Leonard. Before watching this film, I never did see the original, but after watching the remake, I searched out for it and picked up a copy. I can say that James Mangold’s version of the tale is the better one. While the original film is more blunt and to the point, Mangold lets us meet the characters. “3:10 to Yuma,” nonetheless, is one of the best Westerns that I’ve ever laid my eyes on (though I haven’t seen many).

18. SHOOT ‘EM UP Directed by Michael Davis – “Shoot ‘Em Up” is either a hit or a miss to people. I find it hard to believe that not many people like “Shoot ‘Em Up,” just because that there isn’t much plot and where there is, it doesn’t make any sense. Let me ask you something: when was the last time when you didn’t say “what the fuck” during a movie (or an action movie if you really want to get technical)? “Shoot ‘Em Up” reminds you why we like guns, villains, sex, violence, and carrots in action flicks, and it’s you know you will receive a boner by the time that this is over.

17. THE BROTHERS SOLOMON Directed by Bob Odenkirk – Oh yeah, now I’ve done it. Fuck you and your fucking dog too! I LIKED “The Brothers Solomon.” What do our other three baby films released this year have that this film doesn’t? Intelligent characters, that’s what. And what made those films worked? Because in someway or another, those characters knew what they were doing. In “The Brothers Solomon,” these characters are two of the dumbest people that you will ever meet, but they are two characters that have more heart than the entire film of “Enchanted.” If you don’t agree with that statement and have something to say about it, well how about an early “fuck you and stop reading my entries then?”

16. JUNO Directed by Jason Reitman – Speak of the Devil! But in all seriousness, “Juno” is a fantastic film, with a lot of heart. The characters are hilarious and likeable, and the script has some of the best one-liners since “Anchorman.” The best part comes where Juno sits down her parents to tell that she’s pregnant, and then when she walks out of the room, they exchange their thoughts. Who would have thought that parents could be THAT cool? “Juno” is a hit and nowhere near a miss.

15. MURDER PARTY Directed by Jeremy Saulnier – Every once in a while a movie comes along and manages to make you stand up and cheer. Well, “Murder Party” doesn’t exactly do that, but it does better. It makes you fall to the ground, coughing up fur-balls and begging for mercy from laughing like Lindsay Lohan when sober. “Murder Party” is one of the best horror films that you will ever witness just because it doesn’t play by the rules of the usual horror film. There’s a chase on rooftops and then… the guy takes a piss in the middle of it. The characters are so klutzy that they fall and hit their head on something and it kills them. “Murder Party” is a fantastic satire of the ‘torture-porn’ genre that we have come to hate, and it’s kind of hard to say that we don’t love it now.

14. THE GIRL NEXT DOOR Directed by Gregory Wilson – And just when you thought that there was a great satirical take on the ‘torture-porn’ genre, out comes a movie called “The Girl Next Door” that is one of the best and most graphic films that you will see with a character being tortured. Many of the times, I had to look away, which I only did it twice in a film before (“Requiem for a Dream”). The performances, as most of the cast are children, are pretty damn great, and the villain played by Blanche Baker is one of the scariest in cinematic history. I had to question myself on why this film got a limited release and “Captivity” received a wide release. I have not read the book yet, but from what my colleagues have told me, the book is much more brutal than the film, which is enough for me to stay away.

13. 300 Directed by Zack Snyder – I’m sure that I’m not alone here, but I’m sure that there are people cursing me from left to right. “300,” while not an excellent film, makes a great watch with your buddies while drunk. I can’t begin to say how awesome this movie was in the theater, especially when you sit next to someone dressed up as King Leonidas. Now while this film isn’t as great as what people say, it still looks like a beautiful portrait. There is enough action and slow-motion to last you for a while, with enough one-liners to have you and your buddies scream while puking their liquor out, “300” is… umm… enough fun for the family?

12. THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE Directed by Susanne Bier – I was pretty surprised when I expected nothing from a drama with a pretty dumb name and I got something out of it… and a lot from it. This tale about fear and turning your life around has extraordinary performances by Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro. Not since “Requiem for a Dream” have I seen a movie that uses drugs as a sign of fear. “Things We Lost in the Fire” was that one movie that no one ever heard of and no one will ever hear of even after it is released onto DVD, but no fear, those bastards miss out.

11. ONCE Directed by John Carney – “Once” is one of the best musicals that you will ever see, simply because it doesn’t play by the musical rules. Whereas most musicals you stop what you’re doing and sing, “Once” doesn’t have much dialogue, and the songs that they sing display emotion and it makes up for the dialogue. They don’t dance while they sing and there isn’t a single bit of music that isn’t poppy. The characters in “Once” don’t have names, but they simply go by Guy and Girl. If you don’t like musicals, just give this one a chance.

10. AMERICAN GANGSTER Directed by Ridley Scott – We all know that Ridley Scott could tell a tale, but we all knew that the past couple tales that he told seemed like tall-tales. “American Gangster” is Scott’s comeback film after “Kingdom of Heaven,” “A Good Year,” and “Black Hawk Down” (in my eyes, at least) weren’t at par to Scott’s previous films such as “Alien,” “Gladiator,” and “Thelma and Louise” (also notice how I didn’t include “Blade Runner,” because I’m seeing it again in a couple of days after the first time watching it, I didn’t like it). “American Gangster,” though, plays itself like Mann’s “Heat” – two extraordinary actors (in this case, Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe) who don’t actually meet each other until the last ten minutes of the film. “American Gangster” is the Scott’s best film to date.

9. RATATOUILLE Directed by Brad Bird – I feel like a douchebag ever since I put this film on the list of films that I didn’t want to see in 2007. Ever since Pixar’s “Cars,” I was really overwhelmed and didn’t want to be associated with their films anymore. They had not only disappointed me with that, but with “Finding Nemo” before that as well. But I never looked at who was sitting in the director’s chair – Brad Bird, who directed Pixar’s finest film since “Toy Story” – “The Incredibles.” But “Ratatouille” ran “The Incredibles” right off of the map after I came out of the theater. Expecting a sore ass and a headache, I came out saying that I wanted to see it again, and again, and again. The highlight of “Ratatouille” was the restaurant critic voiced by the fantastic Peter O’Toole, which really made the film for me. O’Toole’s review at the end of the film really made me happy. That just may be the most quotable line for the entire year. I could go on and on about this film, but really, who would want to listen to a guy just rambling?

8. 28 WEEKS LATER Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo – Yes, even I’m in awe on how fucking awesome “28 Weeks Later” was. I never even planned on seeing it, until I saw the trailer during “Hot Fuzz.” The trailer really hit me hard. The sight of one man being chased by twenty or thirty zombies with Muse playing in the background (Muse is well-known for their apocalyptic songs) really made me shake. Just the thought of a sequel to one of the best zombie films in the past twenty years startled me, but I was really… really… really surprised by this one. “28 Weeks Later” was filled of awesome violence, characters that were likeable, and it must have been the most enthusiastic horror film that I’ve seen since “Shaun of the Dead.” I still find it hard to believe a man who is completely unknown to me directed a film that was so fantastic and so haunting. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo made zombies scary again.

7. BUG Directed by William Friedkin – I really wasn’t expecting anything while going into “Bug,” which kind of shocked me because I usually can tell whether or not if a film sucked by the title. But with a title that only had one three-letter word kind of threw me off. Even before watching the film, I never saw a single trailer, a single piece of celluloid of the film. I never read a review for it aside of a review from HorrorYearbook, but I still didn’t know what to expect. “Bug” begins really slow, and it doesn’t really pick up for another hour. But within that hour, we understand where these two characters (played by Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon, who give the absolute BEST performances of the year) have weaknesses from. They’re both lonely, have no friends, and have no one to share their deepest feelings with. When they both open up their arms to each other, they realize that someone doesn’t want them to. It drives them to complete insanity, and it drives us to whether or not these characters are really insane, or if there are really people watching them.

6. INLAND EMPIRE Directed by David Lynch – You kind of already know what to expect while going into a David Lynch film – a complete misunderstanding. If you say “what the fuck,” David Lynch did his job. “Inland Empire” is probably Lynch’s best film to date since “Eraserhead.” Filmed on a DV camera, Lynch never intended to make “Inland Empire” a feature film – he just wrote a short scene and had the characters act it out. The biggest idea that Lynch wanted the viewer to do, as well as with much of his other films, is let us figure out what the film is actually about. The first hour is actually understandable, but then we are thrown into an hour’s worth of random dream sequences that are so trippy that it feels like the viewer is on LSD. But then in the final half, “Inland Empire” comes to a satisfying close, but that’s up to the viewer to decide whether or not if it’s the “right ending.” I plan on watching this New Years Eve, making it the last film that I watch in ‘007.

5. CASHBACK Directed by Sean Ellis – I wouldn’t be surprised if you shook your head and asked me what in the hell “Cashback” was. In 2004, “Cashback” was an eighteen minute short-film that was nominated for an Academy Award. While it never won, it remained in my memory until the film was released in theaters, and the DVD release followed a few days after. The main character in “Cashback” will be considered as a pervert, but I disagree. Like Ricky Fitts from “American Beauty,” the main character in “Cashback” pictures the beauty of love by the power of “freezing” time. Of course, the man isn’t actually freezing time. It’s his brain taking it all in. They say that if you look closely, you can see the beauty in everything. I think Sean Ellis took this thought into consideration as he made this brilliant feature-film.

4. HOT FUZZ Directed by Edgar Wright – Any of you guys who actually go to school with me (which will be the equivalent of NONE) will know that within the first week of release on DVD, I watched this film at least ten times, five of those times being the first day of DVD release. “Hot Fuzz” is without a doubt one of the funniest films that I’ve laid eyes on, but it’s one of the smartest as well. When was the LAST time you saw a satire on action films, but then you realize that the film actually becomes an action film within the second half? Hell, Edgar Wright even says to you: “Okay look, we’re done making fun of action films now. Now we’re going to be an action film. Can you stick out your tongue for me?” “Hot Fuzz” was oh, so very close to being the best film of the year, but things don’t work out that way…

3. ACROSS THE UNIVERSE Directed by Julie Taymor – “Across the Universe” is one of the most beautiful films that you will lay your eyes on, other than “300,” of course. For a musical that is based off of all Beatles music, it isn’t bad. If you can tell, I think it’s one of the best films of the year. Go ahead and say whatever you want about it – the plot doesn’t make sense, the characters and their situations are unrealistic, and it seems a little bit too trippy. Well let me ask you this… since WHEN in a musical like this did a plot matter? If a film seems a little bit “too trippy,” wouldn’t the characters also? And sure, you may not agree with me, but if anyone got the vision of the Beatles, it was Taymor. Even if “Across the Universe” was half as good as the trailer was (which the trailer was the best this year; suck on that, J.J. Abrams!), “Across the Universe” would immediately get a spot on here anyway. Thank god that “Across the Universe” is one of the best films nonetheless.

2. GRINDHOUSE Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, with trailers directed by Edgar Wright, Rob Zombie, and Eli Roth – I’m not here to compare the two films (ahem, “Death Proof” IS the better one), but I’m here to talk about them on a whole. “Grindhouse” seemed like a fantastic idea. With ticket prices THIS high these days, it’s hard not to look away from a film that gives you two films for one ticket. “Grindhouse” only wounded up making twenty-five million in its domestic gross, and it deserved much, much more. I remember that I went to go see it opening day, with my “Death Proof” shirt on and all ready to go. The film flashed before my eyes and I realized I was in movie heaven. Quentin Tarantino has since become my favorite director of all-time, and Robert Rodriguez still appeals to me as the director of “Sin City” rather than the director of “Spy Kids 2.” Even though the two films have been separated for DVD release, I will be the first one in line to by the original 191-minute cut… or just might import it from Japan.

And the best movie of the year is…

1. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN Directed by Joel and Ethan Coen – You didn’t know that I’ve seen it? Well, I did, but I never wrote a review for it, and won’t until the Oscar nominations are announced. “No Country for Old Men” is the best film of the year, by far, and I know that this seems to be one of those times where it will appear that I’m jumping on the bandwagon, but trust me, if I’m jumping on anything, it’s on top of the Coen brothers and making sweet hot loving to this film. The film is literally perfect. After seeing it twice in the theater, I can’t find anything wrong with it. The villain, brilliantly portrayed by Javier Bardem, is the best villain since Gary Oldman’s character from “The Professional.” There is no music just because the Coen brothers want you to focus into listening to the sounds of the movements that nature and the characters make. I’m so glad I got to see “No Country for Old Men,” because this is the film that no one will want to miss. Get to it while you can; I wouldn’t even wait for its Academy-run.