Reviews From the Horror Chamber -- The Eye (2008), The Dead Don't Scream, The Hood Has Eyez

Welcome to Reviews From The Horror Chamber. I’m your chamber-keeper, Anthony Thurber. Busy week for yours truly, but before I get to the reviews, I want to let know that this column has an official page. The reason for this is so I can have a backlog of all the columns, for those who are reading this for the first time and want to catch up on my reviews and a way to connect with horror filmmakers. If you like this column and on myspace, please feel free to add this page to your friends at http://www.myspace.com/reviewsfromthehorchamber

The Eye

Year: 2008
Director: David Moreau, Xavier Palud
Stars: Jessica Alba, Parker Posey, Alessandro Nivola
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Studio: Lionsgate / Paramount Vantage
Running Time: 97Mins
Review Rating: 1 Star

I suggest you take this review as a Public Service Announcement.

The Eye is the latest Chinese horror classic to be remake for American audiences and it’s also the latest film to star everyone's favorite dream girl, Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four films and the movie that I would not see even if it’s the only film available at the video store, Good Luck Chuck).

The film is about Sydney, a young violinist, (Alba) who’s been blind since childhood. She is then given a second chance to see when a doctor performs an astonishing corneal transplant, which gives Sydney the ability to see again. Everything’s well for her, until she begins having visions of death and seeing the condemned get dragged away from the living. Soon her sister (Parker Posey) and eye doctor begin to wonder if Sydney might be going insane. Sydney must find out whom the eyes originally belonged to and discover the secret visions that lie within in it before she’s driven insane by the eye. The Eye is directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud, the directors of the cult French horror film Them which will be released by Dark Sky Films on February 26th).

We here at Film Arcade get a film schedule of the latest releases every month. Then we put our name to the films that we want to review and get a confirmation email. Why I put my name on the release schedule for this film is beyond me. I’ve must have been in a really good mood to review this film, as I’m a major hater of PG-13 horror. With that said, The Eye is one of two films this week in my column that serves as early candidates for the worst horror film of 2008. With the buzz from David Moreau and Xavier Palud’s Them, I thought this might be passable to watch. I was totally wrong. Some of it might not be their fault.

(This part contains minor spoilers)

I had that his feeling that was going to be horrible, after watching the first minute of the film, where it spends one minute on backstory, then cuts into Jessica Alba and the opening credits. Then it gets worse. Six or seven minutes later, she’s having the eye surgery. Will somebody tell screenwriter Sebastian Gutierrez to slow down and develop a backstory, like he did in 2003 when he did a very good job with Gothika. The screenplay really didn’t spend any time developing characters; it seemed like it was Jessica Alba (I’ll get back to her in a bit) and some other people, as the dialogue wasn’t good. It could have used fifteen or twenty minutes to get to know the main character before the surgery. Some of the scares in this film were predictable and that’s not how you make an effective horror film. The film also suffers from bad special effects. The ghosts looked like aliens in my opinion. Then again, maybe it was the editing, as The Eye was moving too fast and scenes weren’t fully developed, like the beginning scene of the film. Also, I didn’t like the decision that the directors decided to use the shaky cam method for this film. I didn’t feel like it was warranted for this film. It was okay for The Blair Witch Project or 28 Weeks Later to use this method, but not here.

The acting wasn’t good neither. Sometimes, I really don’t understand Hollywood suits because the lead in this film was miscast. I’m sorry but why Jessica Alba is the lead in any film is way beyond me. It’s amazing that Jessica Alba continues to come off as a pretty face in the media instead of being a bad actress. She had talent long ago, when she was on the TV show Dark Angel. Whatever talent she had on that show is gone, as today she’s just cashing in on his pretty face. Here is no different. To me, it was Jessica Alba being Jessica Alba. Her acting is not good in this. She didn’t make me connect with her character. Frankly, I was bored watching her here, as she didn’t bring any intensity to her character. Also, I really feel sorry to see Parker Posey having to do these kinds of films to pay the bills. She is very talented actress but she isn’t giving much to do here and felt a little out of place.

If you really need to see a PG-13 horror film very badly, then I suggest you go to your video store and rent 1408 instead of seeing this. You should only see The Eye if the studio actually agrees to gives you a free coupon for eye surgery. Without that, don’t bother this film as might do damage to your mind and your eyes.

The Dead Don’t Scream

Year: 2008
Director: Richard Perrin
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: 3 Red Peppers Productions
Running Time: 75Mins
Review Rating: 1 Star
Official Website: http://www.thedeaddontscream.com/

The Dead Don’t Scream is about a group of college students who are on road trip during college vacation. They stumble to isolated small town in Texas where the town’s economy is centers around stealing cars and reselling them. Soon, the locals abduct them and locked them away in storage facility where lies the town’s dark secret. It then becomes a fight for survival as the students try to find away to escape their horrible fate that waits for them.

This is also another film that is an early candidate for worst film of 2008. I usually don’t want to very hard on independent filmmakers but The Dead Don’t Scream is awful. This first twenty-minute of this film felt like a music video on MTV. The rest of the film wasn’t much better also as it felt like the video game “Doom” and a soap opera at times. Most of the film’s problems lie with the screenplay and acting. The screenplay lacks any suspense or likeable characters. It spends way too much time on needless dialogue including a scene in the film where they needed to waste time by seeing shots of characters listening to music and shots of the film’s main villain and his annoying kid. What got me more upset with the screenplay were the characters and the dialogue. The characters that they created were either stupid, clueless and uninteresting, as they were running around for most of the film. Its dialogue was cheesy and horrible. The actors didn’t do much better here too. Some of the acting was just horrifying to watch, as it felt like came out of a homemade horror film. The lines weren’t delivered very well. The actors seemed either lifeless or clueless.

The only positive thing about this film was the title song but that doesn’t even earn a half of star. The Dead Don’t Scream is a boring horror film that should be avoided, unless you’re into mindless horror with no scares and bad acting.

The Hood Has Eyez

Year: 2007
Director: Terrence Williams
Stars: Cydne Schulte, Carlos Castillo, Jesselynn Desmond
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Cinema Threat Production
Running Time: 67Mins
Review Rating: 4 Stars
Official Website: http://www.cinemathreat.com/

The Hood Has Eyez is one of most controversial horror films out there in the independent horror scene, for its disturbing and offensive content. The film is so controversial that the filmmakers had to distribute it themselves, as nobody had the balls to distribute it.

The film is about Kimmy, a shy teenager who wants to fit in with her classmates. In to order fit in, she decides to ditch class, along with a couple of classmates. While having a good time, the three accidentally hit someone. The three girls then try to cover up the accident until a couple of gangster comes along bent doing harm to the girls. They then proceed humiliate and torture the girls, but they left and forgot to make sure that Kimmy was dead. Now in a demented state of mind, she is out for revenge. She won’t stop until all the gangsters pay for what they did to her. The Hood Has Eyez is not a spoof or has no relation to Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes.

This film is definitely not for the weak of heart. The Hood Has Eyez is a very frightening and disturbing film that would be on a grindhouse double bill. Director Terrence Williams does a great job with the horror aspects here. Some of the images in the film were disturbing to watch, which is one of the ingredients to make an effective horror film. It something that major studio films don’t do that much. The violence felt terrifying, as it wasn’t cheesy or misplaced. His story and screenplay was very good. The screenplay goes into the frightening aspects of abductions. It gave me the sense of fear for the characters during the torture scenes in the first half of the film. The screenplay and direction keeps the tension of the film up through out.

Williams also did a good job with the actors. Their performances were very good especially, from Cydne Schulte. Her performance was very good. Her role must have been little challenging. In the first half of film, her character has to be shy and victimized, and then the character has to be completely insane. She did a very good job being both throughout the film.

Horror fans should take note of this film. The Hood Has Eyez will satisfy the blood lust of gorehounds everywhere.

To purchase this film you can log on to the film official site at http://www.cinemathreat.com/

That’s it for this edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber. Until next week, have a frightening week.