“88 Minutes”
2007
* out of ****
Director: Jon Avnet
Cast: Al Pacino, Alicia Witt, Leelee Sobieski
While I was in Pittsburgh, my glasses broke. I came home late Sunday night, decided to skip school on Monday due to a bad headache, sore throat, and lack of sleep, and watched a bootleg of “88 Minutes.” Being half-blind, I came to the conclusion that one doesn’t need glasses to see how bad “88 Minutes” really is.
It should be no surprise that “88 Minutes” is considered to be one of the worst films EVER according to MetaCritic.com, a site that displays scores from all big time critics. It should also be no surprise that “88 Minutes” was originally a DTV film in Russia, Germany, and Brazil long before it was released in the United States. Though I went into the film completely not knowing of the following, I came out of it with a sore ass and a wasted 108 minutes of my life.
Al Pacino plays Dr. Jack Gramm, an FBI agent/college professor. Nine years prior to the day that this film takes place, Gramm testified against a serial killer who likes to torture his victims, Jon Forster, (Neal McDonough) or better known as The Seattle Slayer. On the day that Jon is supposed to be executed, Gramm receives a phone call saying that he has eighty-eight minutes to live, followed by a tick-tock-tock. And as you can tell, most of you while watching the movie will be looking at your watch, listening to your very own ticking noise.
“88 Minutes” is filled with many ridiculous red-herrings and subplots. One character mumbles that she is a lesbian, which most people won’t even hear and won’t realize it until it gets brought up into one important scene. Every time Al Pacino’s character talks to one of his students, we spiral into a whole other subplot. One very stupid subplot is where Al Pacino tries to find a guy who has hurt one of his students. (Leelee Sobieski) It doesn’t really go anywhere and basically falls flat on its ass. But you can’t really blame anyone but the writer Gary Scott Thompson. When it even comes to this kind of film, the guy is inexperienced. Stick to “Hallow Man” and “The Fast and the Furious.”
Jon Avnet’s direction of the film is entirely boring. He walks with us through events that were obviously taken from Homer’s “The Odyssey.” Three-fourths of the film is spent talking on cell-phones. The rest of the film, however, is spent on nose-picking and looking for the guy who keeps calling Gramm’s cell-phone and we don’t even care by then. The final act is so useless that if you (the audience) are still there, you are probably asleep. Avnet’s previous films have been “Fried Green Tomatoes” and “Up Close and Personal.” After watching this film, I have no hope for his next film, “Righteous Kill,” starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino.
The worst part of the movie is easily Al Pacino. I find it hard to believe that Michael Corleone, Vincent Hanna, and Tony Montana could star in a movie like this and still not become the best part of it. I have little doubt in my mind that the movie was Pacino’s fault, because it wasn’t. You have a script like THIS that is really just copy and paste from MovieCliches.com and you don’t have much to work with. But god forbid, if you at least TRIED to work with it. Christ, I thought “S1m0ne” and “Gigli” were bad…
I find it very easy to believe that the best part of “88 Minutes” is the most criminally underused part of “88 Minutes.” Neal McDonough plays Jon Forster, a trialed criminal that is waiting to be killed for something that he claims he never has done. As a standard movie cliché, the audience knows that he obviously DID do it, but who is doing it now. It turns out that if Jon is acting as an inside man, he can serve a bigger penalty (though I really don’t know what is a bigger penalty than death… or maybe hooking but that is besides the point). He’s actually quite villainous though, and is such an intentionally despicable character. I can also say the same thing about Pacino’s.
It’s obvious that these filmmakers are really dumb also. I found so many goofs while watching this that I don’t know where to begin. What’s happening to Pacino’s hair? Why is the car that blows up fake? How come this movie even GOT to the United States is fucking beyond me? Why not release it DTV like all of the other countries? Or are you scared of ruining Pacino’s reputation? He doesn’t look half as bad as Steven Seagal has been looking lately… but his career sure has been.
After watching this film, I learned three things. One, never trust a lesbian that has some sort of crush on you (especially if you’re a 60 year old man… sorry Hugh). Two, don’t go to a party the night before an enemy is getting killed execution style. Three, if Al Pacino asks you where his paycheck went, tell him that he’ll get it after starring in something decent and not something shitty like… say… “88 Minutes.”
I wonder if Pacino will be in anything good ever again.
He needs to work with Michael Mann again, he brings out his best in the post-Coppola/Lumet age.