K.I.S.S. News - "The Hobbit" Score, "X-Men" News, and People Piss You Off on April Fools Day

Actor Danny Trejo brings up over at Horrorhound that the full length movie of “Machete” is still in the works. The Weinsteins are preparing to release it as a trilogy. They’re only screwing themselves over, correct?


The guys at JoBlo, being the dicks that they are, “confirmed” news that Jake Gyllenhaal has replaced Tobey Maguire in “Spider-Man IV.” Then they announced that it was April Fools Day and it only made me angry.


The new Indiana Jones film is reportedly to have almost NO CGI. That means that all of the effects are one hundred percent real. “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” comes out May 22, 2008.


A “Gears of War” movie has been announced to be released in 2010. Between this, the upcoming “Max Payne,” and the “supposed-to-be-happening-but-probably-never-will” “Halo” movie, can video-game movies actually be… *gulp* good?


A “C.H.U.D.” remake is reportedly in the works. I wouldn’t be surprised if it fails, like most remakes and the original film.


“X-Men 4” will never happen. Do I care?


A trailer for “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” is reported to be released alongside “Speed Racer.” The film is sure to confuse some people who are just moviegoers, but for “Star Wars” fans, they are going to OOZE over the film.


Howard Shore will be returning to record a score for “The Hobbit.” This definitely won’t suck.


AND HOLY SHIT BATMAN! Christian Bale (“Batman Begins,” as Batman) and Brandon Routh (“Superman Returns,” as Superman) are returning as their respectable superheroes in not one, not two, but THREE “Justice League” movies. Best… news… ever…


And the fuckholes over at Cinematical just ruined it for me. Another April Fools joke. Real funny fuckfaces. I’m not doing this shit on April Fools day anymore. These pony-haired bastards can eat my cooch for all I care.