Summer Movie Madness 2008 - Doesn't have the hype from last year, but it works

“All you gotta do is go pick up a kid in New Jersey, and drive him down to D.C. How hard can that be, huh? Can't be that hard, no, can it?” – Bruce Willis, “Live Free or Die Hard”

“He's going to be the best, if they don't destroy him first.” – Matthew Fox, “Speed Racer”

“They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I prefer the weapon you only need to fire once. That's how dad did it, that's how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.” – Robert Downey, Jr., “Iron Man.”


Last year was easily the most anticipated summer since 2002. It was “The Year of the Threequels,” or “The Year of the Apatow.” Whatever one you chose to call it, it was a special one. Sure, a lot of them were misses. You can’t say ‘disappointment’ without thinking of “Spider-Man III.” Some movies surprised the hell out of me – “Ocean’s Thirteen,” “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” and “Death Sentence” gave me more than what I bargained for. It’s obvious that the best time I had at the theater last summer was “Live Free or Die Hard.” Dare say it wasn’t your best and you were lying. Because that came out a week before “Transformers,” which also sucked ass. But I saw that coming from a mile away. What I didn’t see coming from a mile away was “Hairspray.” I had a grin on my face throughout the entire movie. I still love it to this day. Though “Die Hard 4.0” was the most fun I had last year, “Ratatouille” is easily the best film last summer. Never has Pixar made a film with so much heart (it can change this year, however). Films like “28 Weeks Later” and “Bug” didn’t make as much money as they should have. Also released at that time was “Balls of Fury,” starring Dan Fogler. You all know what I think about that by now, right?

But I’m still really looking forward to this summer’s movie lineup. With the exception of two flicks (“Sex in the City” and “The X-Files 2”), I’m looking forward to almost all of the films that are being released. Obvious ones like “Indiana Jones IV,” “The Dark Knight,” and “Iron Man” are on my list that I’m really looking forward to. Obvious ones like “Meet Dave” and “The Love Guru” are going to end up being on my worst of 2008 list. But I will admit that I’m looking forward to Uwe Boll’s “Postal.” I’m looking forward to this film so damn much. Even though I’m starting to get sick of Uwe Boll talking shit to Michael Bay and Eli Roth, “Postal” looks like a lot of fun. Another movie that looks awesome is “American Teen.” Did any of you guys see that preview? It looks absolutely amazing. Being a teenager, it makes me feel better that there is finally a documentary that teenagers can be interested in. And dare I say it, but “The Strangers” looks creepier and creepier each and every time I see the trailer.

Judd Apatow still strikes this summer. Not once, not twice, but three times. The first time is “You Don’t Mess With Zohan.” I hated Adam Sandler’s last comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” which was released last summer. This one doesn’t look any better. It looks actually much stupider and tiring. I guess Sandler needs money too right? The second time around is “Step Brothers.” The combo of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly combining together again two years after “Talladega Nights” keeps me wanting more from this movie, but from the looks of the trailer, it looks like the film will be nothing special. I’m really looking forward to Apatow’s third film, “Pineapple Express.” Starring Apatow regulars Seth Rogan and James Franco, the trailer garnered a few laughs from me. Although I’ll admit, the first R-rated trailer didn’t make me laugh the least bit, but I really liked the mild down trailers used in theaters. None of these three comedies can beat “Get Smart” and “Tropic Thunder” in the end. “Get Smart” looks absolutely hilarious. Steve Carrel is god. I love the entire trailer.

This year just may be the Year of the Downey. Between “Iron Man” and “Tropic Thunder,” he is sure to make a name for himself. It feels like just yesterday when I rented a copy of “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang,” and I had no idea who this guy was. He is slowly becoming my favorite actor. It’s obvious that he will be considered famous after “Iron Man,” but everyone is going to LOVE him in “Tropic Thunder.” Honestly – how can you resist a black Robert Downey, Jr.? This is going to be too funny. Word is that the film will contain fake trailers. Between these and the trailers shown before “Iron Man” (new “Incredible Hulk,” “Indiana Jones,” and “The Dark Knight”!!!), this will easily keep my expectations at ease by the end of the season. Downey has a little cameo in “The Incredible Hulk” playing Tony Stark also, which will excite me over a month after the film comes out.

Speaking of superhero movies, there are five this summer alone. “Iron Man,” like I said above, looks great. I wasn’t too impressed by the original trailer for “The Incredible Hulk,” but now that I begin to think about it, I’m starting to think that this film may be pretty damn good. I don’t know much about “Hancock,” other than the fact that it stars Will Smith. It comes out the same weekend that “Transformers” was released last year. I don’t know how that will fare out. I wasn’t a fan of “Hellboy.” Truth is I actually hated it. But I’ll admit that I forget the entire film and I will probably see it once more before “The Golden Army” is released into theaters. But “The Golden Army” looks amazing. Del Toro is really doing a great job at making a name. With this and the next two “Hobbit” films on his back, I’m starting to think that he can rule the movie universe. And “The Dark Knight” – where can I begin with this? It will be a hard film to watch, with what being Heath Ledger’s sudden death. I still don’t know if I’m over it. He was an enormous talent. He was awesome to watch. No matter what film he starred in, he always played it to his best ability. That being said, I want to see him go out with a bang.

I think I’m the only one that is really looking forward to “Speed Racer.” Would you believe me if I told you that my favorite game in the world was “Hot Wheels: World Race?” Countless memories come from that game, where I would sit at home playing it on the PS2, listening to the radio, and just being the lazy ass that I am. “Speed Racer” will not only help recreate that period of time in my life, but it will help me remember what it was like to have fun at the movies. One year ago from that weekend was “28 Weeks Later.” It was enormously fun. I couldn’t be anymore honest with you when I tell you that it surprised the shit out of me. Yes I was wary that Danny Boyle wasn’t sitting back in the director’s chair, but I felt better once I saw the trailer. It hit me hard. Like “Across the Universe” hard. But “Speed Racer” has nothing to do with “28 Weeks Later,” other than the fact that it looks utterly fantastic, just like that movie was.

It’s hard to admit to your friends that you are looking forward to a film like “Mamma Mia.” After “Hairspray” came out, I made it my goal to see every musical I could get my hands on in the theater. Last year I was able to see “Across the Universe” and “Sweeney Todd” while they were in theaters during the fall season. It was great to see them both on screen, but I’m sure that nothing will beat “Mamma Mia.” I’m not a big ABBA fan either, but back when I was younger, I listened to those ABBA wannabes that called themselves The A-Teens. “Mamma Mia” looks like a lot of fun, and with a cast like that, how could you go wrong? Almost everyone is looking forward to “Indiana Jones” coming back to the big screen. I’m looking forward to it also, but I can’t help but fear that I’ll be disappointed. Something about the film is catching me very uneasily. Why haven’t we seen more trailers for the film? I know I don’t pay attention to it more than I should, but am I missing something? It just may be that I wasn’t around to experience what the marketing was like back when the original trilogy was released. But hell, if this movie is anything like “Indiana Jones Breaks His Hip,” I’m leaving.

I’m looking forward to “Midnight Meat Train” also. I have a feeling that even though I might be disappointed, what with the sudden release date changes and all, there is a slight chance that I can be wrong. “Midnight Meat Train” is based on a tale by Clive Barker, a man that has his own little cult. I don’t know what is up with that, being that I never read anything of his, I never have seen “Hellraiser,” (ask Royce and let him tell you about that) and I don’t like cults, unless if you consider “Fight Club” as a cult. But in all seriousness, the film looks like another torture porn film. I’m hoping that it could be the complete opposite, but I have asked that before. God gave me “Captivity.” He gave me hell.

If there is one movie that I am not looking forward to, it is M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening.” It’s not that I think it is a bad concept. Actually, I think it is a pretty damn fine one that can be done by anyone… but Shyamalan. I’m sorry, but I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’ll fuck it up with a shitty twist. With a cast like that, it should be really good. But I wouldn’t be surprised if I said that I hated it. Of course, I’m not looking forward to Mike Myers’s “The Love Guru.” The guy is still alive? I thought after “The Cat in the Hat” he jumped off a bridge. How does Austin Powers star in a film so unfunny like “The Cat in the Hat,” then star in a film like this? It doesn’t matter, because Steve Carrel will beat it opening weekend. Mark my words. And then I shouldn’t really have to explain why I do not want to see “Meet Dave,” the new science-fiction comedy starring Eddie Murphy as… umm… Dave. Or maybe it is Pluto Nash.

Everyone has been asking me what film I am looking forward to the most. After last year’s “Ratatouille,” which I originally predicted that I would hate, I began looking forward to Pixar’s next film, “Wall-E.” Oh, does this one look literally fantastic. Every time I see something new from the film my eyes are shot with astonishment. How can this NOT look awesome? It may be Pixar’s silent film, but that’s good enough for me. The biggest problem I think I will have is that it is directed by the same guy who directed “Finding Nemo.” I don’t know if you guys all know it, but “Finding Nemo” is one of the worst films I think I’ve ever seen. But I digress. All I need is a likeable character, and I think I can get through the movie. Because the problem with “Finding Nemo” was that I just felt like SLAPPING the shit out of those characters. Or maybe taking them out of the fish-bowl. Either one would satisfy me.

But Summer Movie Season 2008 will be beginning in about twenty-two hours as I’m putting on the finishing touches on the article. “Iron Man” will be premiering at 8 P.M. at many of your local theaters, and I can’t help but be excited. Could this Summer Movie Season be about “Indiana Jones?” Or “The Dark Knight?” Maybe “Tropic Thunder” can kick the shit out of both of them. But let’s wait and see. After all, we have four months. Let’s get comfortable in those movie seats, shall we?