"The Machine Girl" Review - Written by TonyD

“The Machine Girl”
2008
**** out of ****
Director: Noboru Iguchi
Cast: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Kentaro Shimazu


I am beyond wordless right now. I just turned off one of the most amazing movies that I think I will forever see, and I can’t speak. Last month I talked about how overrated “Ichi the Killer” is, correct? Not even the fucking god that Takashi Miike can make a film like this one. This film beats “The Signal,” “Funny Games,” and “Cloverfield” as my favorite movie of the year. The film that I am going to tell you about is appropriately titled “The Machine Girl.” It is also in the lead as the best movie title of the year.

What I am about to tell you will amaze you. What I am about to tell you will shock you so much that you’ll have to add it to the top of your NetFlix queue. I can guarantee you that you never saw a drill bra before. Is it at the top yet?

Ami’s (Minase Yashiro) family is synonymous with the word “death.” Her parents committed suicide after being blamed for killing respected people, and now it is just her and her younger brother Yu (Ryosuke Kawamura) on their own. After Yu and his friend are killed by Ninja-Yakuza members, Ami is determined to hunt each and every one of them down and kill them all. In the process of getting to the person who killed her brother, Ami later becomes tortured by the Yakuza family, and gets her arm chopped off in the process.

She goes back to her brother’s friend’s house to be found by his mom. (Asami) His mom, already distraught be the death of her son, promises to join Ami for revenge of the two boys. They build her a machine gun that can take place of her arm (think of Ash from “Army of Darkness”) and go Yakuza hunting. Perfect…

This film was easily inspired by many revenge flicks. I had so much fun just saying “Ooh that was from THAT movie.” It pays a homage to “Death Wish,” “Kill Bill,” “Old Boy,” “Ichi the Killer,” “Army of Darkness,” “Planet Terror,” and “Joint Security Area.” Hattori Hanzo swords are everywhere. New ninja devices pop up like Angelina Jolie’s children. I never even knew that chainsaws can attach to people’s legs, but if shotguns can attach to arms, why the hell not?

The film isn’t without the plot-holes, but the film completely ignores them. Director Noboru Iguchi decides to give his audience what they want to see – a machine girl killing the shit out of some Yakuzas, and he succeeds in it perfectly. He sets up one-dimensional characters by giving them all just a bit of back story, and after he is finished telling us their stories, he puts them in the same room as a ninja. The film has some great deaths. I saw two things today that I never thought I would have ever seen before – drill bras and ninja stars that cut into anything. And no, Butters does not appear, if that is what you were wondering.

This is Minase Yashiro’s first film, and I welcome her to the insane world of Japanese cinema. Not only can she act, display emotion, and kick some serious ass, but she is a lot of fun. She adds a lot of the great moments in the film by improvising some scenes. Plus, she’s hot to boot. I don’t think I ever saw such a hot Asian woman kick so much ass since… well… Maggie Q. This girl has a great long future ahead of her, mark my words.

The film was directed by Noboru Iguchi. I haven’t seen any of his previous films, but all I have to say is that Asians have a twisted taste in both humor and horror. They look at violence as being as nothing but fun and corny. And that is the way that I looked at the end of the film. Fucking drill bra…

So anyway, “The Machine Girl” is freaking brilliant.