UFC: Battle Royale - Violence is Fun?

“Batoru rowaiaru” (“Battle Royale”)
Directed by Kinji Fukasaku


“Battle Royale” is seriously one of the most insane movies ever. Not because of the violence, or because that the characters are so young, but because it is just fucking awesome.

Okay, think about it.

You and forty-one other kids are thrown on an abandoned island with no one but the government and your classmates. You’re given a bag, which, inside, has a weapon. The objective of the game is to be the last kid standing and kill the rest. One of the kids on the island is a bully and when you check your bag, you got a nice machete. His weapon? Numchucks.

Believe me, you have a field day.

Now think of it if I was on that island with ten celebrities – Dan Fogler, Dane Cook, Lindsay Lohan, Ryan Seacrest, Ashton Kutcher, a Penguin from “Happy Feet,” Bob Saget, Carlos Mencia, Jason Friedberg, and Aaron Seltzer.

I probably wouldn’t kill them, but I would perform “torture-porn” acts on them.

Dan Fogler – make him run around the island until he passes out.

Dane Cook – make him swim in bullshit.

Lindsay Lohan – it’s too late. Andy Dick fed her cocaine.

Ryan Seacrest – call the talent police to escort him off the island.

Ashton Kutcher – lock him up in a cellar and let Justin Timberlake sing to him.

Penguin from “Happy Feet” – cut off of his feet and see if they heal himself. Then make him dance.

Bob Saget – same as the Penguin.

Carlos Mencia – well isn’t it obvious? Call the immigration. (See Carlos, I can make unfunny racist jokes too.)

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer – use your imagination.

Anyway…

Like I said above, “Battle Royale” is a pretty damn fine movie. It’s one that many haven’t seen, but it is one that many have to see. Unfortunately, no one wanted to distribute it in the United States, so instead, you have to import a copy or get it off of NetFlix (the region one copy). I’m sure that many of you guys have actually seen the film though. Last year, WWE Films made an unofficial remake of “Battle Royale” called “The Condemned.”

In the near future, Japan will be a mess. Many people won’t have jobs and kids won’t go to school anymore. Japan passes the Battle Royale Act. One class is randomly selected to participate in the game. Forty-two kids are thrown on an island and are given a bag of supplies and one weapon. One kid must become the winner of the game by killing all of the other kids. The Last Man Standing will be given three days to get rid of everyone on the island, or else, the kids will all blow up with the chain on their necks.

It is that simple.

Some people will be surprised to find out that the film actually has some subplots hidden in the film. There are forty-two kids, and when two are killed within the twenty minute mark, we watch these forty kids try and kill one another. Or do they? Some of the kids fight to survive by killing the others, whereas some of the kids try to get off the island without fighting. The simple plot becomes that complex within seconds.

“Battle Royale” never lets go of the action. It is bloody, furious, mad, cynical, violent, and all of the most entertaining. Remember that movie that I first reviewed for my UFC article? The message in that film was that violence was meant to be feared and not to be entertaining. The filmmakers of “Battle Royale” disagree. Within moments, the game begins with a fat kid shooting a girl in the throat with an arrow. Even before that, a soldier shoots two kids.

But none of us should forget the fact that this is fake. The point of the movie IS to be entertained. Violence can be entertaining only if there is no point. The Battle Royale Act is so absurd that you begin questioning why it was created in the beginning. To watch these kids fight for something so stupid is pure entertainment. Believe me, I saw plenty of fights that were over stupid shit. Ever see a kid beat another kid up because he lost struck out? Yeah, I did.

And sure, there is a fine line when absurdity becomes serious. While this film was being made, the Columbine Massacre was taking place. The two kids involved in the deaths of thirteen and the dozens of injured were bullied by their classmates. For no reason other than being bullied, they brought enough guns and bullets to shut down the entire school. Columbine is considered to be the reason why “Battle Royale” is so remembered, but I say that is absurd. Columbine is supposed to be taken seriously because it actually happened. “Battle Royale” never did. And more than likely never will.

The biggest problem with “Battle Royale” is its happy ending. The film never constitutes to be a happy film. I won’t spoil the film for you, but if you think that there will be one winner, you are sadly mistaken. That being said, not all forty are winners either. I’ll let you watch it before I should allow you to judge the ending for yourself.

“Battle Royale” doesn’t really deserve not being shown here in the United States. By now, you would figure that everyone who witnessed the events of Columbine or had friends or family hurt in the tragic Virginia Tech shoot-out that they would have moved on by now and lived their life starting with today. It’s not a serious topic that “Battle Royale” is usually brought up in, but it’s understandable why it isn’t normally viewed here.

Only you can decide…


Next time on UFC: I’ll be taking a three week break to get things situated around the house, but after those three weeks, I will be revisiting not one, but TWO similar films that take on the subject of revenge – Park Chan-Wook’s “Oldboy” and Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill Vol. 1.”