The Shyamalan Experiment: Part 4 - "The Village"

Part 1: “The Sixth Sense” (1999) ** out of ****
Part 2: “Unbreakable” (2000) **** out of ****
Part 3: “Signs” (2002) ***½ out of ****


The Shyamalan Experiment
Part 4
“The Village”
July 30, 2004
*½ out of ****
Cast: Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody


Well it is suddenly getting harder. “The Sixth Sense” isn’t very good, but “Unbreakable” is a freaking classic and “Signs” is probably one of the best alien films of all-time. After “Signs,” shit has been going downhill. Everyone has said that “The Village” is the film that displays M. Night Shyamalan’s true suckiness, but I didn’t want to believe it. Out of the six films, not including “The Happening,” this was the first Shyamalan film that I haven’t seen prior to doing this little harmful experiment of mine, so I went into this film with no thought other than being astonished that Adrien Brody would be cast in a Shyamalan movie.

I don’t even have a joke for that. Shyamalan cast Brody as a retard. Shows what happens when you pick a shitty script.

“The Village” is the worst film that M. Night Shyamalan has made. It’s stupid, retarded, and boring. You can’t even understand half of the story while it is going on. It’s poorly acted and just tiring. I understand that this movie will never be as respected as “The Sixth Sense,” but when it is coming from someone who doesn’t respect “The Sixth Sense” worth of dick, you would think that M. Night Shyamalan would make a decent film, like “Signs” and “Unbreakable.” Yeah, right.

The movie takes place in present time in a village where everyone thinks that they live in the 1850s. Yes, I just spoiled the ending. But it’s not even a twist. Shyamalan may think it is, but the movie goes without a twist. To even call it a twist ending is giving a bad name to a twist ending, and that includes “The Sixth Sense.” Anyway, a guy played by Joaquin Phoenix asks to go through the forbidden woods in the village to search for medicine. In this village, there are a bunch of old hags, a blind lady, (Bryce Dallas Howard) and a retarded Adrien Brody.

May I add that in these forbidden woods hides a monster, a monster that can tear this village apart, not by being vicious, but by bringing out the true secret of the village. Wanna know the secret? There is no secret. Well, between the characters there are, but not with the audience. Think about it for a second – if there is a monster that lurks around a small village, and if a guy comes out of nowhere with modern day clothes, wouldn’t you believe that something was up with the village’s time-period? And who in the hell would want to live in the 1850s? I’d rather be Amish instead of being around those fucks.

And tell me, why in the hell would you send out a blind girl, who is your OWN DAUGHTER, to go get medicine, while you clearly know that there is a monster and your daughter is blinder than Helen Keller. If you think that your daughter can climb over the wall to get your village medicine while being blind, you are just about as dumb as the filmmaker. It’s common sense. The funniest part about it is that they don’t want anyone to know that there is another world that is more high-tech than the one that they are living in outside of their gates, so they send the blind girl so she can’t spoil anything. That’s kind of like sending a dumbass but very biased Shyamalan fan to review his film. The fan knows that if it will surprise him, he thinks that it will surprise everyone else too.

I’m sorry, but if you think that sending a blind lady into the woods and have her pick her way out is a good idea, you should be hung and have your carcass fed to wild wolves.

It’s quite obvious that “The Village” was inspired by many things, but not many great things. I know many people are quite fond of “The Wicker Man,” but I absolutely hated that movie. I even think that the remake starring Nicolas “Fu Manchu” Cage is much better than the original, and I hate that one too. The quite obvious comparison between the two is the conspiracies that the two groups of villagers have of the village that they live in. The group in “The Village” thinks that by not letting everyone know that there is a world outside, it would make their world so much better. The group in “The Wicker Man” thinks that by sacrificing some character, it will help the harvest. I didn’t like it any more in “The Wicker Man” than I did with “The Village.” Now that I think about it, I hate it even more.

Nothing makes me mad more than the lack of acting by these actors. Yes, sure they don’t have much to work with, especially with a shitty script with shitty dialogue and a shitty plot, but they don’t do much to help. You know something is wrong when Adrien Brody, an Academy Award winning actor, is playing a retard. William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver don’t do much to help this film either. Even Joaquin Phoenix is unimpressive. The only one that I can give kudos to is Bryce Dallas Howard. You would think that with a shitty role like this that it would require shitty acting. Well you’re wrong, because she gives the performance of her life in this role.

If you noticed that in the first part of the Shyamalan Experiment, I explained how boring “The Sixth Sense” was. You shouldn’t be surprised that I was bored while watching this too. In some instances, I became so bored that I forgot that I was watching a movie. At times, I didn’t have a single clue what was going on, and this was while I was paying attention to what was going on. But when I compared this movie to “The Sixth Sense,” I saw just how much more I respected that movie. Even though it was boring and uneventful, it had the potential to be great. The twist was great, but if it wasn’t so clear for the beginning of the movie, it would definitely be his best film.

But with “The Village,” there is no twist. There is no plot. It is a bunch of ideas that Shyamalan had while sleeping. He put them together into one big arbitrary script and out came one of his worst ideas ever. If you can say that you watched this movie without laughing, then your face is too tight. It is so funny that it definitely kicks the shit out of “The Love Guru” twice, and that is supposed to be a comedy.

I only have two films left in my Experiment, and already I’m getting Shyamalan fatigue. Imagine how miserable I am, add it by two, and then you will already get of what I think about “The Happening.” Shyamalan owes me, and everyone else, his paychecks for his last few movies after this project. There isn’t a single great thing about this movie, other than the score by the masterful James Newton Howard, who was nominated for an Oscar for his work. Still, I got a couple more days left. If I can get through this, you all promise to buy me a cold beer?


Part 5, "Lady in the Water," will be coming Thursday night. Until then, go watch "In Bruges," "Definitely, Maybe," and "Charlie Bartlett," which are all on DVD this week.