"Wall-E" Review - Written by TonyD

“Wall-E”
2008
**** out of ****
Director: Andrew Stanton
Cast: Fred Willard, Jeff Garlin, Ben Burtt


Andrew Stanton’s last Pixar film, “Finding Nemo,” attracted everyone… but me. I hate that movie with a burning passion. It burns like the flames of hell and smells like the smell of Jennifer Aniston queefing up Vince Vaughn’s face (oh, and this will be the only place where you will read the word queef in a review for a child’s film). I hated that film back when it was released, and I hate it still now. The only difference between then and now is five years time and hairs on my ass.

But within these five years, Andrew Stanton pulled himself together; to not only create one of the best films of this year, but one of the best films of all-time. It kicks the shit out of “Ratatouille,” and that movie is a damn classic. I have to admit – even though I was greatly excited about “Wall-E,” I was ready for a failure. Of a three-part movie day, I decided to push “Wall-E” back to the last film. I realized after “Wall-E” ended that if I was to have seen that movie first, I probably wouldn’t have gone seen any of the other films that I saw today. I would have watched “Wall-E” two more times.

The story of “Wall-E” is a simple one at first glance, but in between it all, “Wall-E” is just as complicated as the process was to make it. The year is somewhere in the 2700s and every human has left Planet Earth and went onto a vacation on a spaceship called Axiom, thus decreasing productivity of every last bit of every single source that we had left. Actually, it really isn’t a vacation. Everyone is working for Buy N Large, which is similar to Wal-Mart.

The water soon begins to evaporate into the Earth until there is no more left, so that means all of the plants are dead. The only thing left on the Earth, aside from empty buildings, is a bunch of trash. While there were still humans left on the Earth, robots cleaned up the trash, until they all became defunct. Except for one… and that last robot on Earth is the main character of our story.

Wall-E, (Ben Burtt) short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class, wakes up everyday and repeats the same exact thing – he cleans up trash, finds bits and pieces that he finds interesting, and brings them back to his little shack, where “Hello Dolly!” is played 24/7 and tons of toys lie around. Unlike the other Wall-Es that came before him, the Wall-E we get to know has a personality, and by watching nothing but “Hello Dolly!,” all that he really looks for is love.

That comes one day when he is doing his usual duty and a spaceship drops another robot onto the ground. This robot that Wall-E meets is named Eve, and she came here in search for some type of life on Earth. When Wall-E shows her a plant he finds to try and impress her, Eve boards the spaceship again with the plant, after she finds what she was there to get. But Wall-E is tempted to make her his queen, and when he believes that she is in danger, he must go save Eve. He does so by holding onto the spaceship until it lands back on the Axiom.

Only if Wall-E knew that this discovery of a plant can bring an entire colony together…

The first forty minutes works because Andrew Stanton makes them work. Have no fear when I say that the first forty minutes is an easy comparison to the first half of last December’s “I Am Legend.” Instead of vampires and zombies replace them with trash and dust-storms. Our hero fears dust-storms because he doesn’t know what to do with them. He becomes so scared that he’ll lock himself in his little space and won’t come out until the next day. He’ll wake up and he will do the same thing every day, and he doesn’t realize that he could stop whenever he wants to, but something keeps Wall-E going. We’re never quite sure if it is the toys that he finds or the love that he longs for, but we can only assume that it’s both.

Whenever I read a review for “Wall-E,” I look at what the readers think. Most of the reviewers who reviewed “Wall-E” before it was released tend to overanalyze it. Yes, “Wall-E” is the type of film where you actually have to know what is going on in order to get it, but if you are going into the theater and just wants to see some robot loving, that’s all fine too. I will admit that the character of “Wall-E” is one of the most fascinating characters that Pixar has ever dreamt up. In one scene of the movie, I picked apart of all of Wall-E’s actual emotions, and I found at least fifteen emotions in the first sixty seconds of thinking.

But what requires more heavily thinking is how the Earth has changed since the last time humans have been on it. Two weeks ago, M. Night Shyamalan examined what would have happened if bees disappeared from the Earth. Andrew Stanton examines what happens if we all just up and left. Stanton creates a horrific atmosphere while creating “Wall-E.” You don’t want to see what will happen one day if we all up and leave from here. I very rarely feel bad for anybody, but Christ, you just have to feel bad for the next generation. They have to pay for our mistakes because we don’t care about the Earth anymore. We keep acting with this attitude and the world will be gone in another thirty years, and we will have no one to blame but ourselves.

It isn’t only on the Earth where you must analyze, but you must analyze the setting in space. When one generation came aboard the Axiom, they arrived as skinny and boney as every. Now that the characters live in a place ruled by a Buy N Large on every corner, they replace walking with chairs that move around themselves, replace healthy foods with fat and unhealthy shakes that pack just as much calories as a meal does, and don’t work any longer. Instead of working, getting exercise, and eating healthy, we now have become a fat and obese society where we no longer have to worry about having a bad day.

Hey, it’s what you all wish for right?

Some wouldn’t believe me when I say that the romantic subplot is just another way to continue the story. It almost acts like a MacGuffin, but it doesn’t use any of the strengths that a MacGuffin does. Rather than drive the story, the romantic subplot is just another way to drop our characters off at situations where they can try and be the usual Pixar hero. And though it might sound like a bad thing, you must know that the romantic scenes work better than any of the other scenes in the film. By the time the movie is over, you don’t want to leave. You want to spend more time with the two lovers. “Wall-E” isn’t only the best science-fiction film since “E.T.,” but is the single best romantic film since “Casablanca.” The last time that we saw such a great romantic film was sixty-six years ago.

The scenes on the ship aren’t any less but breathtaking. I’m sure some people will say that it is the slow point of the film, but I beg to differ. I’m sure you probably had heard that there is very little dialogue as far as “Wall-E” goes, and within the first forty minutes, there are only a few lines of dialogue. But the second half is loaded with a bit more dialogue. It can easily be called Pixar’s silent movie, but if you want to call it that then you will have to call “2001: A Space Odyssey” Kubrick’s very own silent movie. This movie owes a lot to “2001.” Not only is the villain much like the villain from “2001,” but the movie wouldn’t be without the theme song from “2001.”

I can go on and on about “Wall-E,” but I think I’ve said enough. Without trying to spoil too much of the final act, I really want my readers to go into the movie hoping the best. Some will be on the fence, saying that there is too little dialogue and too much visual. You probably said the same exact thing about Charlie Chaplin movies. I won’t be afraid to admit it when I say that “Wall-E” is excellent, but the next step up from calling it my favorite movie of 2008 is by saying that it is my favorite film of all-time.

Oh fuck it, I’m buying myself a ticket to see it again tomorrow.