2008 So Far: The Best and Worst

“Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.” – Colin Farrell, “In Bruges”

“Well, Ms. Brown. It's an imperfect world, but it's the only one we got. I guarantee you the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I'll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.” – Robert Downey, Jr., “Iron Man”

“If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?” – Paul Rudd, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”


This 2008 has been a mixed bag. I definitely have seen more bad movies this year than I had any other year, but I’ve still seen some really good movies. One of the movies I saw this year became one of my favorite movies of all-time. I saw a few others that I really enjoyed also. But some of the movies are just too bad to even forget about. Below, I have started with the worst films of the year before I began with the best films of the year. Of course, this is only for half of the year, I’m sure that a lot more films that come out later this year will be worse and I may even enjoy more later this year, but let’s just wait.


THE WORST FILMS OF 2008:

Below I’ll be listing the worst films of the year, but at the same time, I’ll be talking about everything I hated but something that I liked about them.


10. What Happens in Vegas:

Cons: Well there was a time that Ashton Kutcher was funny and there was a time where Cameron Diaz was enjoyable. That was back when “That 70’s Show” was funny and when everyone considered “There’s Something About Mary” to be one of the greatest comedies of all-time, including myself. Since then, Ashton Kutcher starred in movies with Brittany Murphy and Cameron Diaz has been known as the Wannabe for that Kid Choice Award horseshit. So think about it that and then think about the two coming together. It’s kind of like creating a goddamn hurricane, right?

Pros: Rob Corddry was enjoyable, and there wasn’t too much of Queen Latifah.


9. Vantage Point:

Cons: The fact that the same event is played like seven or eight times got me angry. I didn’t see something in a different point of view, but rather I saw the same thing – an unbelievable assassination. I also learned while watching this movie that they substitute the real president with a fake president while giving speeches, because they would rather have a nobody get shot instead of a somebody. And the final fifteen minutes really weren’t as action packed as it should be.

Pros: Well… if I missed something the first time, I saw it six times after that...


8. Prom Night:

Cons: It’s completely obvious that the movie was made for no reason but for money and to get teenagers to watch the original, but can’t you do that by stocking copies on more video-store shelves? Not to mention that it has nearly NOTHING is common with the original flick, but I get it – people need money. Brittany Snow didn’t get paid too much with a real quality flick like “Hairspray” so she had to make a shitty flick to get paid more. And… well… who else is there? Umm… no one. And there isn’t a single nude scene with Brittany Snow. It doesn’t get my approval.

Pros: Just because she isn’t nude doesn’t mean that she doesn’t look good.


7. The Love Guru:

Cons: Now if you REALLY want to talk about a guy who needs money. Apparently, Mike Myers didn’t enjoy all of the money from the “Shrek” movies, so he decided to return back to the big screen with a film that should have been a hit. But I guess people sided with Steve Carell opening weekend and made “The Love Guru” the fourth highest grossing film on the opening weekend. And I don’t really blame them. It is much easier to believe that Steve Carell is a secret agent than Jessica Alba owning a hockey team. And when you can’t even get a few goddamn hockey rules right, you really don’t deserve to be a good movie.

Pros: Justin Timberlake is pretty good, but he is only really in it for ten minutes.


6. First Sunday:

Cons: I’m not racist, but I hate it when certain types of people act like their stereotypes. If you don’t want to be stereotyped, then don’t stereotype yourself. That being said, “First Sunday” is stereotypical all over the place. It’s very unfunny and pretty offensive. It made all black people living the ghetto look annoying, racist, and/or violent criminals. Ice Cube and Tracy Morgan are terrible as two petty thieves, and Chi McBride looks bored.

Pros: Well, it makes movies like “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang” stand out.


5. 10,000 BC:

Cons: With the acting, the dialogue, and the action scenes aside, “10,000 BC” earns the award as the most historically incorrect movie of the last five years. According to Roland Emmerich (that “Godzilla” remake), in the year 10,000 BC, people spoke English, though English clearly wasn’t invented for many, many, many, many, many years later. Paper, triangular ships, and chili peppers were invented back then too.

Pros: “10,000 BC” sucks, but at least it looks pretty.


4. Witless Protection:

Cons: Sing it with me:

Larry, The Cable Guy
He’s so sweet that he’ll make you cry
When he laughs, the room shakes
When he farts, your body aches.
Put him with his cousin, and he’ll whip out his snake

Pros: Umm… well I saw it for free, courtesy of Geeks of Doom.


3. Over Her Dead Body:

Cons: Umm… everything? Eva Longoria Parker is annoying as hell, but she was always annoying. The one that really made me angry was Paul Rudd, because he is always perfect. His small but very funny role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” is perfect and he was classic in “Knocked Up.” And in this movie… he is TERRIBLE! I can’t begin to say how many times I had to pause and calm myself down. And I really do think that this movie was inspired by those soft-core pornos that come on Cinemax.

Pros: It makes me appreciate “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” more.


2. The Hottie and the Nottie:

Cons: Never since “Good Luck Chuck” has there been such a misogynistic movie. “The Hottie and the Nottie” was so bad that my video store never bothered to get it. Joel David Moore lost all potential (what was left after “Spiral,” at least, and they couldn’t even make a girl ugly right. It was terrible. Just fucking terrible.

Pros: All I can say is that Paris Hilton really isn’t the worst part of the movie.


And your number one is…


1. Meet the Spartans:

Cons: You can be put into the same room as Lindsay Lohan, trying to play games with her boobies and snorting coke off of her girlfriend’s chest, and that isn’t as torturing as “Meet the Spartans” is. I’ve seen tons and tons of bad movies before, but not a single bad movie was as memorable as “Spartans.” I can honestly say that there wasn’t a single moment that I can consider to be enjoyable. And I watched it three times, and I couldn’t find anything.

Pros: Dude, I saw it three times. I couldn’t find ANYTHING.


Dishonorable Mentions: “One Missed Call,” “Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins,” “Fool’s Gold,” “The Eye,” “Mad Money,” “Spiral,” “Horton Hears a Who,” “Superhero Movie,” “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” and I’ll save a spot on here for “The Happening” when I watch it later tonight.


Now onto the top ten films…


10. In Bruges:

A lot of movies just don’t do it for me anymore. Back on June 24, I watched a movie called “In Bruges” that never appeared in the radius of one-hundred miles from my little town of Bellmawr, New Jersey. I’ve been dying to see this, so dying that my expectations were to the max. Except that when I watched it on the first showing, it didn’t really seem to impress me. Mind you, it wasn’t a bad movie, just not a totally great one. After a lot of thinking, I went back and I visited our friends in Bruges and it seems like that I found the same things wrong with it. I almost gave up, but then the movie god gave it to me once more so I can have a final opinion of the movie. And now, every time I see “In Burges,” I begin to like it more and more each time. It’s a funny and very awesome time traveling through the city of Bruges with a bunch of wacky hitmen. I’m sure that if I keep watching the film, it will move higher and higher up on my list.


9. Doomsday:

The tale of me going to see “Doomsday” was one that I never expected. I planned on seeing “Stop-Loss” the opening day it went to theaters, but it seems that since I couldn’t sneak into it, and since I wasn’t going to see “Shutter” on my fucking day off from school, I waltzed my ass into the theater of “Doomsday,” which turned out to be a pretty damn fine movie. It was surprisingly a lot of fun and held my interest for all of the two hours. Rhona Mitra is my new crush after this movie. Her character was so badass that it felt like that all of my favorite action stars were put into one small female body, and her ass is STILL missing an eye. I know that many people are comparing it to some of the movie it mimics, like “Mad Max” and “Escape From New York,” but since I haven’t seen those two movies to begin with, I could only judge the movie by itself – and holy shit is it an awesome movie. It definitely has one of the best car chases in a long time (“Death Proof” not including). It’s Marshall’s best film yet.


8. Never Back Down:

I’ll probably take the heat for this one the most because it is a teen movie, and I don’t care. “Never Back Down” was so much fun that I wasn’t just into it like I am to most movies, but I was PHYSICALLY into it. I came back home and I TRIED that shit on my little brothers and sisters, and it felt GOOD. “Never Back Down” will be considered as an MTV movie, and it most definitely is, but as long songs are just songs and aren’t regarded as plot points, it’s perfectly fine. (This is the only movie that you will see a song by Anberlin used in a montage and that Kanye West song actually MEAN something, and I’m sure you know what it is without me mentioning it.) “Never Back Down” is a perfectly fine movie if you’re not taking it seriously. It is the “Fight Club” for the YouTube generation.


7. Iron Man:

Oh yes. I don’t think since “Grindhouse” that I was so excited for a movie to hit theaters. In fact, I planned on skipping school the day “Iron Man” was released in theaters, and staying there all day watching nothing but that and Jackie Chan (but everything changes once you get a bootleg for that Jackie Chan movie). The part that works about “Iron Man” isn’t when Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) becomes the superhero himself, but whenever he is on screen next to his assistant Pepper. (Gwyneth Paltrow) Whenever the two are on-screen together, a sense of awkwardness would usually fly through the air, but during “Iron Man,” I didn’t see anything but perfect chemistry. Hopefully, if “Iron Man” was to be a successful franchise, it doesn’t fuck up like the same way “Spider-Man III” did.


6. Funny Games (2008):

When I voiced my opinion of the 1997 “Funny Games” and the shot-by-shot remake that was released into theaters this March, it seems like everyone on the face of the earth heard it. People have disagreed about me with many things, but not a single film has been disagreed upon more than “Funny Games.” Some guy hated my opinion so much that he even attempted to say that I plagiarized an article from FilmCritic.com. That aside, I went into the film mistakenly not seeing the original first, but it seems that I quite like this one also. I don’t know if I would consider this movie to be one of the most suspenseful films of the year, but I definitely would call it an experience that I will never forget. Pay attention to how I’m not saying stuff like “entertaining” and “awesome,” because there is nothing entertaining and awesome about this movie. When you combine the two films together, you get a special place on my all-time favorite list.


5. Be Kind Rewind:

I expected this movie to be off-the-walls funny, but it had something more other than comedy that I found to be more impressive – it had heart, something that all different films didn’t have that came out before “Be Kind Rewind” came out earlier this year. My favorite moments in the film are when our stars Mos Def and Jack Black are “sweding” the videos that they destroy. The song that Black sings of “Ghostbusters” has officially replaced the real version of the song. I know that I’m probably going to regret this later, but out of all of the actors that have acted in a film this year, no actor did a better job than Jack Black did with this role. This guy isn’t only interested in making movies as a character, but he is probably the most enthusiastic of all actors that have played a role in a film this year. “Be Kind Rewind” is a fantastic goodbye to the VHS era.


4. The Signal:

The irony of a movie like “The Signal” comes all the way from Fullerton, California. On the opening weekend, two people came out of the movie theater with stab wounds. One suffered a punctured lung. “The Signal” is possibly one of the craziest films that I’ve ever seen. The film is separated into three “transmissions.” The first one works as an excellent horror film. It introduces all of the characters that we need to know by bringing them together with one event. The second transmission is a straight-up dark comedy. Remember how funny “Shaun of the Dead” was when it made fun of those undead movies? Well, imagine how awesome it is to see a bunch of people making fun of other serial killers. “The Signal” ends with a bow in the final transmission. It shows us the conclusion that we want to see for these characters, and while it still isn’t a happy ending, it is one that wraps up what we’ve just seen on the screen.


3. Cloverfield:

The most terrifying moment of “Cloverfield” occurs halfway through the intense picture. Our four heroes are walking through the train tunnels, and for that I will say no more. If you have not seen “Cloverfield” yet, you probably already know the story. A big ass monster pops out of nowhere and destroys New York. You’ve heard it before because it’s happened tons of times before, but it’s better than what it should be. The movie began advertising during “Transformers,” and according to the DVD, it just began shooting at the time it was released in theaters. You would think that the hype would have ruined the film, but the hype just made it so much better than it should have been. As far as horror goes, “Cloverfield” is probably the best this decade.


2. Kung Fu Panda:

If one film didn’t sneak up at all on the last week of the first half, “Kung Fu Panda” would have been the best film of 2008. I didn’t expect nearly anything from this movie and I had the time of my life. There are so many great moments in this film that it is impossible to count them all. The best one, of course, is the chopstick fight. I can swear to you that I’ve seen so many kung-fu fights in my day. Back when I was younger, I would do nothing but watch old kung-fu movies and watch people getting hit in the head with fists. Pandas who fight with chopsticks? Probably the most amazing fight scenes EVER. “Kung Fu Panda” is a LOT of fun, but nothing is better than…


1. Wall-E:

“Wall-E” deserves to be in a totally different group than these films here. I was thinking about not even putting the film on my top ten because it is so good that it is actually on my top ten of all-time. After two watches and countless thoughts, I’ve come to the conclusion that “Wall-E” is one of the smartest movies ever made. Everything about it is perfect. The characters are likeable, the story is creative, and the direction is some of the most stylish direction that I’ve seen in ages. I really don’t have much to say, but come the end of 2008, “Wall-E” will not be forgotten.


Honorable Mentions: “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “21,” “Charlie Bartlett,” “Speed Racer,” “The Forbidden Kingdon,” “Definitely, Maybe,” “Strange Wilderness,” “Leatherheads,” “Diary of the Dead,” and “The Grand”


There are a few more movies that come out later this year that I’m really looking forward to. Just the many of them come out during Oscar Season. So feel free to discuss – what are your favorites for 2008 so far?

To be continued...