"Fishtales" Review - Written by Mathius Mack Gertz

Title: Fishtales
Year: 2007
Director: Alki David
Stars: Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Alki David
MPAA Rating: PG
Studio: Screen Media Films
Running time: 92 Minutes


The film takes place on the Greek Island of Spetses, where widower Greek-History Professor Thomas Bradley (Billy Zane) is about to lose his research grant studying ancient love spells. He knows he is close to a major academic breakthrough and desperately wants to continue his research. Thomas is given one last chance to continue his work on a Greek island at the home of the supportive Oxford don, Professor Coulter. Joined by his 12 year-old daughter, Serena (Amber Sawa), Thomas departs to Spetses looking for the inspiration he needs to finish his thesis. Serena knows that what her father needs most of all is to find love again after the loss of his wife.

Initially, Serena tries her hand at matchmaking with the local women on the island, who are less than impressed by the awkward and clumsy Thomas. Very much in tune to the ancient spirits herself, Serena meets Nereid (Kelly Brook) a beautiful mermaid. However, menace is present in the form of the evil Captain Mavros (Alki David), an island fisherman intent on killing Nereid and getting his claws on her priceless jewel-encrusted tail. Serena realizes that she has finally found the ideal match for her father and employs her father's ancient Greek love spells to make them fall in love. Eventually Nereid sacrifices her immortality to become a mortal human being, joining Thomas and Serena back in Oxford where Thomas's thesis is received in triumph.

This is a lovely little story that is terribly over-produced. It should have received a G rating and would have been a wonderful family rental for children of all ages. Unfortunately the unnecessary fart, crotch, and ‘oh little girl’ jokes catapulted it to a PG and the overacting makes it a marginal fare for all but ten year olds, give or take a year or two. Also, the technical execution renders it almost painful for adults and film savvy teens to watch.

It has been about one hundred years since the birth of the movies. In the beginning, pioneers like Chaplin, Mêlées and Griffith wrote, produced, directed, edited and starred in their own films. Filmmaking was relatively simple. Most of us have seen and enjoyed at least some of these movies. But much has changed in the last century and filmmaking is very much a collaborative effort nowadays and for many good reasons. Not the least of which is that it allows for balance and insight. Fishtales suffers from too much Alki David - co-writer, co-producer, director, editor and he acts as the main protagonist, Captain Mavro. The end result is that he executes none of his titles very well.

Every role is overacted and stereotyped to one degree or another. Every character is a caricature. If the Greeks on Spetses were African-Americans, Jews or Native Americans, you would say that it was very politically incorrect and not funny at all.

While the locations are beautiful, it is hard to get past the editing to enjoy them. Jagged and jumpy is an understatement. Amateurish would be a better description. The cuts are so bad that they keep taking you out of the story. I can’t even say they are self-reflexive because there is no purpose to being aware of them. Mr. David just seems to be mistaking film editing for music video work, at best. If this is indeed a fourteen million dollar film, only a few of those millions appear to have made it onto the screen.

However, the story is still cute in a ‘Once upon a time…’ fairy tale kind of way. The tying of ancient Greek mythology to a current story and theme is nice and a bit different. There is intellectuality to the plot that is refreshing and the juxtaposition of Oxford to Spetses is interesting. If you need to keep your ten year old busy for ninety-two minutes while you make dinner or get some other work done, rent it. Otherwise, keep on walking.