She Screams, He Screams: Kiss of a Vampire

Kiss of the Vampire
Aka: Immortally Yours
Year: 2009
Director: Joe Tornatore
Stars: Daniel Goodard, Katherine Hawkes, Costas Mandalor
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: MTI Home Video
Running Time: 97 Mins
Official Website: http://www.immortallyyoursfilm.com/



“Kiss of the Vampire is about a leader of a Covent of vampires lead by Alex, a handsome charming man who has more than a taste for blood. One night, he meets Estelle, a woman whose father works at a longevity clinic that’s researching an approach to immortally for the head of the upper world illuminati organization who’s only interest is to profit off of war, politics, poverty, disease, and drugs. Alex begins to fall in love with Estelle, as she and her father begin to find a cure for him, as he desires to be human and be with her. But the illuminati wants his blood, so the group can become immortal and have uncontrollable power, to the point that they can’t be stopped. Will Alex give in on his desires or remain immortal for another eternity.

Kelsey’s Review:

I really wanted to like Kiss of the Vampire. It didn’t take long though to realize that that wasn’t going to happen. It’s clear that writer, Katherine Hawkes and director, Joe Tornatore have no concept of the horror romance, especially regarding vampires. There is no blending or middle ground between the two genres. Rather than being more of one than the other, which would have been fine if it was done well, we sporadically have over exaggerations of one or the other that just end up clashing. Both sides are very stereotypical and stale. The vampires are evil and we have your standard vampire slayer as well. All of the characters are flat, shallow, and don’t cause much of a reaction with the audience one way or the other.

The love story was extremely dense and I really couldn’t even suspend my belief to invest myself in it at all. At first when Alex, the vampire who falls for a human, and Estelle lock eyes it seems like Alex has found his next meal. The romance could have been used as a way to lure her in, but none of these vampire characteristics are shown in this film. It goes the other way by them wanting to have a normal relationship. For awhile he just appears every now and again until he tells her that he is a vampire and he has to have her father, Dr. Henderson, turn him to be mortal, wiping away all of the possibilities for eternal love. It’s okay that they decided to go a different way with this, it just takes away a lot of the powerful themes that could have made their relationship more thrilling. It also didn’t help that both Alex and Estelle were so underdeveloped. We knew little to nothing about their pasts, who they were, or their wants and desires. I couldn’t feel for either of them and really didn’t care what happened. The covenant of vampires were very one sided as well. They were simply the bad guys in our story and there was little else to them. Through them we do get the want for eternal life, but this still could have been gone in to a lot more.

The acting was really horrible as well, making the film seem all the more ridiculous. Katherine Hawkes stands out as one who gave the worst performance. Since she wrote the script you would think she would have a better grasp on her character, enough to give a somewhat believable performance anyway. Then again there isn’t much to her character so it could be hard to have an understanding of a character that is so hollow, which is her fault as well for writing it this way. Daniel Goddard was little less noticeably bad, but his performance just seemed so lifeless. Most of the vampires were very stereotypically portrayed and really did no justice at all to the vampire sub-genre. From everyone we either get over-acting, or very weak acting. There is little reaction between characters it is all waiting for their line, so when they do deliver it, it almost seems like they have already checked out and suddenly jump back in to the film. The pacing is just not there and all too jagged because of this let alone any chemistry especially from the two that are supposed to be in love.

The writing is horrible and in every aspect it is extremely underdeveloped. Kiss of the Vampire uses a very lazy script, atrocious acting, and little emotion. It is laughable through out and has so many shocking moments, for all of the wrong reasons. You can’t help but question majority of what you see on screen and before long can’t stay at all engaged in the film. Strangely, enough sci-fi even seems to find it’s way in to the film, in a very cheesy manner. The end is one the most obviously badly shocking moments I was talking about. It’s the type of ending you would expect on a bad children’s show episode. Power Rangers is actually one that comes to mind, which is pretty funny since Katherine Hawkes was actually in a few episodes of the show in 2002. Perhaps, she picked up on a bad sense of humor through that and wrote it in to Kiss of the Vampire. It just seems so random and weird. I get the point it’s trying to make, that if our villains want immortality than they can get it, just in a demeaning way since that is what they deserve. Still the way that it did this and how the vampires act makes the film seem more comic-like than anything else. Kiss of the Vampire does no justice to the vampire film and has no concept of the blending of genres. It ends up falling flat, making an unintentional mockery out of horror, romance, and even sci-fi at the end. Kiss of the Vampire is an extremely weak and underdeveloped film that fails terribly.

Anthony T’s Review:

You’re treating this film lightly, Kelsey, as I guarantee you that this film will be on my worst of 09 list. This was just an utter piece of garbage. Normally when I write a review, I like to write about why this film worked or not worked for me and get technical about it. For this review, I don’t think that I can do that, because I’m pissed at the fact that film makes no sense and has no logic whatsoever, as I felt that there was two or three movies going on at the same time, and the sad thing is, there is no attempt whatsoever to make coherent film. So don’t expect a traditional review, because I was subjected to this garbage and my review is going to be treated the same.

I would like to acknowledge the title of the film “Kiss of the Vampire” first. The title makes no sense, just like the rest of the film, because there was no attempt of any romantic scenes or any hints of romance. The characters felt complete dull and there is no personality to any them, especially with the two leads. There is nothing romantic with this film, as there were no scenes of romance that I can think of.

Also, how did I figure out that this film would turn out to be a piece of trash within the first five minutes of the film? The reason that I was right because the opening scene has a random character getting chased by vampires without any build up to the action. Katherine Hawkes’ (who’s performance was lifeless and awful, as the woman who’s is love with the vampire allegedly) screenplay has no logic whatsoever, like everything else this film has. She doesn’t build any romantic action or suspense whatsoever and that logic carried on throughout the whole screenplay, as I couldn’t figure out which film of the two or three films that I was watching. It was to the point that I had to go “Mystery Science Theater 3000” on it, just to make it a good time out of it. This film had way too plot lines that could take up two or three short films, because there were way too many things that made no sense, like the supposed romance in the film, or evil corporation, or the cops on their vampire hunt, or the Costas Mandalor (who should go away completely) character, which should have not been in this film, in the first place, as the character made no sense to have that much story presence, with his cocaine habit taking up most of his screen time.

With the screenplay out of the way, now it’s your turn Joe Tornatore, as your direction and especially your editing was atrocious. It felt like a rush job. I have a question for you? Were you in such a hurry to finish this film, because you knew that was awful to begin with. This is one of the worst editing jobs I’ve ever seen. There are scenes that spend a minute and then move on to the next one. He doesn’t let most of the scenes develop, as the scenes felt like fragments which leads to nowhere. This is one of the major reasons that I was pissed after watching this film. Another thing that made this very unwatchable was the fact that his direction of the actors felt lifeless. Most of them came out pasty and flat out dull, like the vampire and the woman that’s he's in love (allegedly, as there was no hints of love as she had the same expression on her face for ninety plus minutes) with him. It’s like you didn’t care about this film, being so boring to the point that this review is turning into a bloodbath. Then again, my review of this film is way better than that fucking waste of celluloid that I witnessed.

Everyone involved with the making of this film should be embarrassed to be apart of this production. If I have to make fun of it, while reviewing a film to pass the time, then you can expect me to rip the hell out of it, like I just did. See you on my worst films of 2009 list.