"Extreme Movie" Review - Written by TonyD

“Extreme Movie”
2008
BOMB out of ****
Director: Adam Jay Epstein, Andrew Jacobson
Cast: Jamie Kennedy, Michael Cera, Ryan Pinkston


There’s a scene in Zack Snyder’s masterful “Watchmen” (review/essay/long fucking diatribe coming very soon) where Patrick Wilson’s character Nite Owl and Malin Akerman’s character Silk Spectre are having sex on the Owl Ship, with Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” playing in the background. As Silk Spectre is having an orgasm, she presses the fire button on the Owl Ship, and a bunch of flames go into the night-sky. It isn’t meant to be a funny gag, but it gives the audience a slight chuckle.

That scene is funnier than the used piece of toilet paper codenamed “Extreme Movie.”

Folks, let me tell you something. I’ve seen a lot of bad films in my day, and I’ve seen a LOT of bad films last year alone. With every good film that came out last year, there were twenty bad ones, and I managed to see most of them. My worst of list last year was filled with M. Night Shyamalan, Frank Miller, and Roland Emmerich stinky, and I still kept about ten films starring Larry the Cable Guy or directed by Aaron Seltzer off my list too so it would seem more unique.

But out of every single fucking film I saw last year, these past few years, my LIFE, have I EVER, EVER, EVER seen a film that was as terrible, as worthless, as poor-tasted as “Extreme Movie” was. This is the kind of movie that causes the War on Terror. It’s the kind of movie that causes global-warming and the kind of movie that killed George Carlin last summer. It’s the kind of movie that brings eight kids into the world and the kind of movie that leaves “Fanboys” with a $500,000 gross. Simply, it’s a fucking abomination.

To sum it up, no, “Extreme Movie” is not another “spoof” movie. It bears no resemblance to the fuckers who made “Superhero Movie” earlier in 2008 or the pair of dildos that came up a thesis statement in fifteen seconds for “Disaster Movie.” The only thing that I can really respect “Extreme Movie” for is trying to bring back the sketch-movie, famously brought on by Joe Dante in the 70s and 80s. But it also reminded me why the sketch-movie was killed in the first place, bringing back a reminder of why the world needs fucking Judd Apatow.

“Extreme Movie” brings a bunch of familiar faces from such hits as “Juno,” “Malibu’s Most Wanted,” “Without a Paddle,” “Soul Plane,” and “Big Fat Liar” to experience embarrassments of sex… and of their careers. Such sketches involve a gay hippy guy on a hidden game-show, a teenaged boy trying to get at a girl in his sex-ed class, and a fat fruitcake played by Andy Milonakis who likes sticking his sperm-shooter in a rubber-pussy. Oh, and much needed PSAs from Matthew Lilard.

Honestly, I can’t remember a movie that was so unfunny and so tasteless in a long time. In a scene that I already mentioned, Andy Milonakis plays a stereotyped-teenager (and yes, he really is near his thirties) who pumps his brakes in a pocket-pussy. If you are used to Andy Milonakis’s humor and enjoy it with every bone in your body, you will like this five minute skit. If you’re like me who hates every single thing that this retard does, then you will probably find it hard to get past the first minute. Unlike Apatow’s flicks, where improvisation is the key to a great film, these two doughbrained-directors kind of forgot halfway through the film that funny improvisation is the key to a funny film.

There was another sketch-comedy that went straight-to-DVD last year called “The Onion Movie” which I liked a little bit. Funny movie, but it was only funny because it had an idea. There are no ideas with “Extreme Movie.” A few dildo and sex and gay and fart jokes just don’t do it if you want laughs. Characters that are introduced only to be forgotten about later doesn’t help much either. I shouldn’t have expected anything less, coming from two writers who have put a death to “Saturday Night Live.”

I kinda have a feeling that saying anything more about such a terrible movie is kind of overdoing it. You can only say ‘fuck,’ ‘shit,’ and ‘dildo’ in a review so many times. To say that I hate this movie is an understatement. I’ve decided that some people shouldn’t make movies, and the people that think the sketch-comedy is still alive…

They should go to sleep along with the genre.