Ramblings of a Mad Man: Twitter, Texting, and TwitAssholes

Let me start off by saying that I love Twitter. I do. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check Twitter for no reason other than just to hop on it. I would rather have a Twitter account than a MySpace or a FaceBook. Sometimes being on Twitter is so much fun that you forget that you are doing anything wrong in the first place.

This past Thursday night was a prime example. The comedic group Human Giant decided how much fun it would be to live-Tweet the new Jason Statham action-flick “Crank: High Voltage.” They decided it would be so much fun they wanted everyone to be a part of the experience. On one site, they posted a huge flyer, promoting the event. Human Giant and about thirty other people all sat in the back of the theater with their phones, iPod touches, iPhones, Blackberrys, or whatever the fuck they all had, and live-Tweeted the movie. I didn’t read any of the actual Tweets because I didn’t want to be spoiled for any parts of the actual movie, but from what I hear from people who have read them, they are really spoiler heavy. (read them here: http://mikerelay.com/twitflix/)

So that being said, as these thirty-some people live-Tweeted the film and their reactions, people who were on Twitter at the time, including Harry Knowles and Quint from Ain’t It Cool News and Devin Faraci from C.H.U.D., got pissed off. Again, I was sleeping, so I don’t know EVERYTHING that went down. But from what I got, Harry Knowles and Devin Faraci called FirstShowing.net’s editor Alex Billington out for going to the same screening of the film and live-Tweeting the film.

Now honestly, I thought Twitter could really save film criticism. I really did. But pure stupidity by this fuck-twat did it.

Time after time all I hear is people bitching about other people taking out their phones and texting during a movie. I know that Alex Billington is one of those people who just bitch and complain about people texting in movies because I read his site. That being said, Knowles and Faraci (two internet journalists who I often disagree with, though I am coming to enjoy reading from them) decided that it was appropriate to tell Alex what a jackass he is for doing this. In short, they called Billington a fucking hypocrite.

In particular, my favorite quote from Knowles in this Twitter fight was: “if nothing else - arguing with Quint is taking your own goddamn eyes off the screen you wanker! WATCH THE MOVIE, Talk after the movie. Just because there isn't a single worthwhile human in your theater that would get up and BEAT THE FUCK out of you. But you try that shit at the Alamo Drafthouse and your dick will be served to you with a side of spicy mustard!”

I never thought that there was a time in my life where I could actually cheer Harry Knowles on in my life. Well done, sir.

This TwitFlix (what they called the live-Tweet event) idea actually sounds pretty good when it is written on paper or typed on a computer screen. What better way to have fun with a group of people and talk about the movie without actually talking about it? TwitFlix just doesn’t work unless if you are in a private screening with the thirty-some people who are live-Tweeting next to you.

“But Tony, we sat in the back of the theater, where the light doesn’t distract anyone.” Sure, it doesn’t distract anyone, but no matter where the fuck you sit in the theater, you are still texting during a movie. No matter where a baby sits in a movie theater, it will still fucking cry. It’d be one thing that if you texted a movie that everyone in the world has already seen, but you’re spoiling the fucking movie for everyone else. No, I don’t know what kind of crazy antics Statham has gotten into, and I don’t want to know until I fucking see the movie.

“But Tony, what is the difference between live-Tweeting a hockey game and live-Tweeting a movie? You do it all the time!” I do every fucking bit of Tweeting in the comfort of my own home when it comes to a hockey game, the Oscars, the Super Bowl, and even a news event. Because you will find the shit out RIGHT AFTER IT HAPPENS! Unless if you look really hard, like a torrent site or MoviePooper.com (where spoilers should be posted), you shouldn’t have to find a spoiler for any movie like “Crank: High Voltage.” Or Twitter, thanks to a bunch of fucking jackasses.

And I know how some people feel about this. This Wednesday, I felt like Tweeting about hockey games all night, but I had to stay off of Twitter for a while to avoid any spoilers of “Lost.” But even that is okay, because you are still live-Tweeting in the comfort of your own home, and you don’t have to worry about your light shining in your eyes.

But that’s not the point.

As a blogger/movie reviewer, I believe that whatever you say online, you should stick to it in real-life. It’s called “sticking with your guns.” There is no other way of putting it. If one throws a fit over teenagers whipping out their phones during a movie to text a friend over the internet, one should throw a fit over teenagers whipping out their phones during a movie in real-life. Mr. Alex Billington could throw a fit on the internet and be praised for doing so… or he could fucking act like a teenager and live-Tweet during a movie.

He thought the second one would be a hell of a lot more fun. And he decided that he should be a “follower.”

Billington, who claims he loves everything movies, could be a good guy for all I know. I’m sure he has the right enthusiasm as a movie-buff, even though I’m pretty sure he’s movie-stupid. But I didn’t actually think he would be so fucking stupid to whip out his phone/iPod Touch in the middle of a movie theater to live-Tweet a movie. Day after day I read his posts on his site that say nothing but “This movie looks like shit!” and “This movie looks like a cinematic masterpiece!,” but how would he know that the movie is actually shit or a cinematic masterpiece if he is fucking texting during a movie?!

I don’t want to see a written apology from Billington. I don’t want to hear him say that he will never do it again. I don’t want to hear anything of the sorts. If he was a real man, he would hand in his movie-reviewer badge and go on with his life. Admit your fucking mistake. Don’t write shit if you won’t stick by it. You don’t have to Tweet during a movie… wait until the movie is fucking over. Is it really that hard for you to have to wait an hour and a half to Tweet something like “’Crank: High Voltage’ was AWESOME! SOOO CRAZY! Go see it!”? It is spoiler-free and to the point.

And this isn’t just towards Billington, the Human Giant crew, and everyone else that live-Tweets during movies. This is towards every single person, whether they have a Twitter account or not, that goes to the movies and whips out some new electronic that has the power to send messages. Do NOT text, Twitter, or use your phone in a movie theater. People spend good, hard-earned money on watching these films, and studios pay money to make them for the people that want to watch them. Fucking respect everyone’s wishes, goddamnit. You guys are the reason why other countries hate us.

If I haven’t angered you, you can follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/tonydfa. Don’t worry; I won’t live-Tweet any movie in theaters.


Ramblings of a Mad Man is a new feature at FilmArcade that will be posted whenever TonyD gets around to writing one, or whenever something happens and he just has to rant about it.