Welcome to the latest edition of the Reviews From the Horror Chamber. I’m your chamber-keeper, Anthony Thurber.
Before I start this edition off, I want to talk about a petition drive that the filmmakers of “Red Victoria” (click on title to read my review of the film) are trying to keep the film’s original title intact. The filmmakers have recently found distribution from Well Go USA. Well, the company wants to change the title of the film and this is where you come in. The filmmakers are starting a petition to save the film’s title. I highly urge you to sign this petition because the title of the film makes sense with the film. Also, you will be telling this company that they shouldn’t be messing around with film titles, in which they haven’t put any money into the final product. TO sign this petition, you can go to: http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?redvic08&1.
Now, do have to go onto the reviews? Alright.
Seed
Year: 2008
Director: Uwe Boll
Studio: Vivendi Visual Entertainment
Stars: Michale Pare, Will Sanderson, Ralf Moeller
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 92Mins
Official Website: http://www.seed-themovie.com/
Seed is the latest opus from the guy who thinks that he’s the greatest director in the history of cinema, Uwe Boll. Here’s the alleged plot of this film.“Seed is about a ruthless serial killer who survives an execution on death row. The prison guards at the place fail to exorcise the evil out of this person, by burring him alive. Soon he rises up from the grave in a revengeful and murderous mood to unleash unspeakable terror. The only person, who can stop him, is a detective (Michael Pare), who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown after trying to stop his reign of terror, once before.
Well, Seed was my first Uwe Boll experience and I had to say and that it might be my last. Seed is nothing about a senseless and worthless film. Uwe Boil’s direction was completely lifeless and it was torturous to watch. I got no clue, what he was trying to do this film. He horribly directed the action, as it felt very dull watching the interaction between the characters. The fight scenes felt like something that came out of a homemade movie. It was like; no one wanted to be there. Another thing that I didn’t like with the Boll’s direction was the way he make the images disturbing, especially in the beginning. I know that horror movies must have these images, but he used depicts real life torture in the beginning, which made me sick. It was to the point where I had to fast forward through those scenes, because of the gruesome nature. It’s sickening and I don’t why Uwe Boll wanted to use it because it’s not scary, it’s disgusting. The acting was horrible, and yes Boll this is your fault. You make the performance so fucking dull that I wanted to go to sleep.
Now on to your fucking screenplay, Boll. This screenplay makes no fucking sense at all. I really don’t know what the hell, he was trying to accomplish with the film’s story, because he had no story in the first place. This film felt like a bunch of lifeless and dull characters that were waiting to be killed off. There is no character development whatsoever. He doesn’t explain why the killer is committing these crimes, or doesn’t go into detail to why he wears a mask all the time. Another thing that he doesn’t do with the killer was to give him any dialogue. Maybe if you give the character dialogue, the viewer might understand the character. Then again, the same can be said with all of the characters. Another thing that Boll didn’t care about was the film’s structure. The structure, like the story made no sense whatsoever. We don’t get to know any of the characters except the two main characters. It was like, he just created characters just to have them die and unsuspenseful and horrible death. The ending of the film was nothing to write home about, as it gives me more outrage towards this film.
This was not a fun film to watch, as I didn’t care for “Seed” like Boll didn’t care about developing any of the characters or making anything scary.
Review Rating: Zero Stars
Well, Seed was my first Uwe Boll experience and I had to say and that it might be my last. Seed is nothing about a senseless and worthless film. Uwe Boil’s direction was completely lifeless and it was torturous to watch. I got no clue, what he was trying to do this film. He horribly directed the action, as it felt very dull watching the interaction between the characters. The fight scenes felt like something that came out of a homemade movie. It was like; no one wanted to be there. Another thing that I didn’t like with the Boll’s direction was the way he make the images disturbing, especially in the beginning. I know that horror movies must have these images, but he used depicts real life torture in the beginning, which made me sick. It was to the point where I had to fast forward through those scenes, because of the gruesome nature. It’s sickening and I don’t why Uwe Boll wanted to use it because it’s not scary, it’s disgusting. The acting was horrible, and yes Boll this is your fault. You make the performance so fucking dull that I wanted to go to sleep.
Now on to your fucking screenplay, Boll. This screenplay makes no fucking sense at all. I really don’t know what the hell, he was trying to accomplish with the film’s story, because he had no story in the first place. This film felt like a bunch of lifeless and dull characters that were waiting to be killed off. There is no character development whatsoever. He doesn’t explain why the killer is committing these crimes, or doesn’t go into detail to why he wears a mask all the time. Another thing that he doesn’t do with the killer was to give him any dialogue. Maybe if you give the character dialogue, the viewer might understand the character. Then again, the same can be said with all of the characters. Another thing that Boll didn’t care about was the film’s structure. The structure, like the story made no sense whatsoever. We don’t get to know any of the characters except the two main characters. It was like, he just created characters just to have them die and unsuspenseful and horrible death. The ending of the film was nothing to write home about, as it gives me more outrage towards this film.
This was not a fun film to watch, as I didn’t care for “Seed” like Boll didn’t care about developing any of the characters or making anything scary.
Review Rating: Zero Stars
They WaitYear: 2008
Director: Ernie Barbarash
Studio: Vivendi Visual Entertainment
Stars: Jamie King, Terry Chen, Michael Biehn
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 85Mins
Official Website: http://www.theywait.com/
“They Wait” is a film that is executive produced by our good old friend Uwe Boll. The film is about a couple and their son who return to North America from Shanghai for a funeral. Soon something strange is happening, when the couple’s son starts seeing ghosts and falling ill to the point that modern medicine can’t help him. The mother then must turn to a mysterious pharmacist, who tells her that her spirits have a death grip on her son. How she must find out why the spirits have her son and what they want in order to get her son back.
They Wait is light-years better than “Seed”, but still wasn’t a good film by no means necessary. This was a boring film to watch. Ernie Barbarash direction of the film felt really dull. The reason for that was that there were times in which the film felt boring or nothing interesting was happening. Also, the frightening images of the film didn’t feel scary or something that would make you want to jump out of your seat and grab your attention. The action felt lifeless which doesn’t make scary at all. His performances were directed poorly, which also made my mind want to do something else. I really didn’t care for any of the characters, because the actors looked like, they were bored and wondering why they singed on to the film Also, Barbarash really didn’t do anything to get these actors, interested, in the material that usually translate to bad performances.
The screenplay, which was written, by Carl Bessai, Doug Taylor and Trevor Markwart was something that needed some life injected, because the story and the characters was boring. One of the film’s main problems was the character development. I thought that they didn’t do a good job with it. The characters weren’t interesting to grab my attention and also I thought that they were also lifeless, as they had no personality to them, as they felt that they were bland then interesting. Also, the scare weren’t that effective for most of the film. There were a couple of scares that were good, but for the most part, it didn’t work well with me. Another reason that thing didn’t work for me, was the fact that there were no interesting subplots to keep my interest in the story. In order for a supernatural film to work, one of main things that it needs to balance a boring story is to have interesting subplots. I couldn’t find any subplots that would make me have any interest in this film.
I hate to say this again but that any film that has the name Uwe Boll, either as director or executive production on it. Well, at least you know that it is going to suck. They Wait was more bearable than “Seed”, it’s still not a good film, by no means.
Review Rating: One Star
If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at horrorchamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review. Send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.
Also don’t forget to check my reviews of
Quarantine
Five Across the Eyes
The Devil’s Muse
Splatter Movie: The Director’s Cut
And also here a couple of very good films that I’ve reviewed a while back on the site that recently has made it way to DVD.
Wicked Lake (Media Blasters)
Beneath the Surface (Well Go USA)
Pink Eye (Halo-8)
And my interview with the writer and star of “Pink Eye”, Joshua Nelson
In the next edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber, it will be an all Punk Rock edition with both Punk Rock Holocaust films.
Until the next edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber, have a frightening day.
They Wait is light-years better than “Seed”, but still wasn’t a good film by no means necessary. This was a boring film to watch. Ernie Barbarash direction of the film felt really dull. The reason for that was that there were times in which the film felt boring or nothing interesting was happening. Also, the frightening images of the film didn’t feel scary or something that would make you want to jump out of your seat and grab your attention. The action felt lifeless which doesn’t make scary at all. His performances were directed poorly, which also made my mind want to do something else. I really didn’t care for any of the characters, because the actors looked like, they were bored and wondering why they singed on to the film Also, Barbarash really didn’t do anything to get these actors, interested, in the material that usually translate to bad performances.
The screenplay, which was written, by Carl Bessai, Doug Taylor and Trevor Markwart was something that needed some life injected, because the story and the characters was boring. One of the film’s main problems was the character development. I thought that they didn’t do a good job with it. The characters weren’t interesting to grab my attention and also I thought that they were also lifeless, as they had no personality to them, as they felt that they were bland then interesting. Also, the scare weren’t that effective for most of the film. There were a couple of scares that were good, but for the most part, it didn’t work well with me. Another reason that thing didn’t work for me, was the fact that there were no interesting subplots to keep my interest in the story. In order for a supernatural film to work, one of main things that it needs to balance a boring story is to have interesting subplots. I couldn’t find any subplots that would make me have any interest in this film.
I hate to say this again but that any film that has the name Uwe Boll, either as director or executive production on it. Well, at least you know that it is going to suck. They Wait was more bearable than “Seed”, it’s still not a good film, by no means.
Review Rating: One Star
If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at horrorchamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review. Send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.
Also don’t forget to check my reviews of
Quarantine
Five Across the Eyes
The Devil’s Muse
Splatter Movie: The Director’s Cut
And also here a couple of very good films that I’ve reviewed a while back on the site that recently has made it way to DVD.
Wicked Lake (Media Blasters)
Beneath the Surface (Well Go USA)
Pink Eye (Halo-8)
And my interview with the writer and star of “Pink Eye”, Joshua Nelson
In the next edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber, it will be an all Punk Rock edition with both Punk Rock Holocaust films.
Until the next edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber, have a frightening day.
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