Okay, let’s get it out of the way right now; the 83^rd Annual Academy Awards were dull, dull, DULL. I was hoping they would be better than last year which, despite the presence of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, seemed like a boring affair. But this year’s proved to be even worse. Even David Letterman did a better job than this. In an attempt to reach a younger demographic, they gave us the youngest hosts ever and actually succeeded in keeping the proceedings shorter than usual for a change. But instead they cut out the heart of what was so memorable about the Oscars in the first place. While the producers can’t be faulted for this year’s winners being the most predictable bunch ever, it doesn’t excuse them for the lifeless affair this all turned out to be.

James Franco and Anne Hathaway are wonderful actors, and they will be able to live this down in the long run. It doesn’t change the fact that they flopped as hosts though. We knew they were in trouble when their opening montage only elicited minor chuckles at best. Having anyone other than Billy Crystal do this is just not going to work. It’s a shame to say that because both are wonderfully energetic entertainers who we want to see succeed. Franco was even more of a disappointment in that he looked uncomfortable, and many of his jokes fell flat. This is the same guy who had us in stitches in “Pineapple Express,” and yet he and Hathaway looked like they were neutered far too much in what they could have pulled off.

It also did not help them that many previous Oscar hosts were around that evening. Seeing Alec Baldwin sucking down a juice pack of Ambien, Hugh Jackman relaxing in the audience, or Billy Crystal finally coming back to the Oscar stage for a standing ovation only reminded us what the show was missing; a wonderful comic personality who could keep us interested even when the show dragged. Seriously, after awhile I forgot that Hathaway and Franco were even hosting the Oscars! It didn’t matter how many times Anne changed clothes throughout the show either.

Now the producers succeeded in making this one of the shortest Academy Award telecasts ever, but at what price? I am sick of all the lifetime achievement Oscars being handed out at a separate event. When these people get rewarded for a career of greatness, it makes for some of the most memorably heartfelt moments in Oscar history. To see them reduced to mere footnotes, and that’s even if they do show up at the ceremony, is insulting.

Were there any memorable moments were from this year’s Oscars? Well, I did enjoy Kirk Douglas’ goofing around before he finally read the winner of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar. In fact, he did a favor to all the nominees in breaking the tension they were experiencing. Also, seeing Melissa Leo get it was my highlight of the evening, and that’s even with her making Oscar history by saying the F-word. Those censors who were looking out for Mickey Rourke were he to win for “The Wrestler” finally got the workout they were looking for. And although I wanted to see David Fincher get Best Director, Tom Hooper’s speech was very nice and genuine, especially when he spoke of his mother.

But when all is said and done, the 2011 Academy Awards were truly a major flop. Just when I thought they could not get any worse, they did. You know what? Let the show run hours and hours. Heck let it run into Monday! Don’t even cut down the original song nominees performances because they serve as the bathroom break many of us need. Bring back the lifetime achievement awards, bring back the Irving Thalberg Award for the worldwide audience, and bring back Billy Crystal. If Billy won’t come back, put a horse’s head in his bed. If that doesn’t work, get Hugh Jackman or Steve Martin or even Alec Baldwin.

Critics are always going to be complaining about the Academy Awards regardless of if they are too long or too short. Hollywood might as well live it up for hours because then there will stuff to remember for a change. Anyone who has a problem with that can change the channel or watch something else altogether. But one thing’s for certain, the show can do so much better than this major disappointment.

4:16 PM PT

The Academy Awards are finally here, so as you can imagine, all of Los Angeles is pretty much shut down. I’ve lived in Los Angeles now for over a decade, and the city comes to a halt when the Oscars are about to be handed out. There’s almost no point in going anywhere because most of the roads in the city are closed off. The city is not as glamorous as people make it out to be, but tonight is a major exception obviously. The stars have already started to arrive and are being interviewed, and it’s the typical interview of celebrities describing the maker of their clothes and of how nervous they are. Why be nervous? They’re only about to go in front of a billion people!

My hopes for this year’s show? I hope it’s far more entertaining than last year’s effort. Despite the presence of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, there wasn’t much to remember about it. This year, we have James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosting, and they are the youngest hosts this show has seen in ages. Both are also wonderful actors in their own right with Franco nominated this year for “127 Hours.” I hope he wins, but it seems a foregone conclusion that Colin Firth will take it home.

4:30 PM

With these interviews with the stars, I keep waiting for that moment that Jack Black had when he was being interviewed and the interviewer looked off in the distance and Jack said:

“Is someone more important coming along?”

I had been waiting years for someone to say that!

These interviews were typically short and more about what they were wearing or “who” they were wearing. They always come across as awkward because the smiles seem forced, and you get the inescapable impression that the celebrities would rather be somewhere else.

5:00 PM

So now have the countdown clock ticking backwards to the start of the show. I have to tell you, seeing these clocks make time go SLOWER for me. I know the Oscars are coming up. You don’t need to remind me because I don’t watch TV all that much!

5:08 PM

Ben Mankiewicz said the obvious that Colin Firth will get the Best Actor Oscar for “The King’s Speech.” He described his chances in saying to think of Colin as the Green Bay Packers going against a high school football team, and not a very good one at that. Brilliant!

5: 13 PM

Nicole Kidman, nominated for Best Actress for “Rabbit Hole,” said that it is an honor to be nominated. While it may be easy for her to say that, I actually believe she is genuine in saying that. Sometimes that is the best way to look at things. I have not seen “Rabbit Hole” yet which didn’t get much of a release, but I look forward to seeing it soon.

5:44 PM

Art Direction is the first Oscar to be presented. Tom Hanks gives it to “Alice In Wonderland,” a movie that was not as good as it wanted to be. James Franco and Anne Hathaway have a nice start, and I liked how they joked about fitting the right demographics that the Academy Awards is looking to get this year.

5:47 PM

Wally Pfister gets Best Cinematography for “Inception” (YES!!!). He was looking to the clock which gives him how much time he has left. So far, the Oscars are off to a quick start. The producers really are serious about keeping the ceremony shorter than usual.

5:51 PM

Kirk Douglas gets the evening’s first standing ovation. Says Franco looks better out of the cave, and says Hathaway is gorgeous and wonders where she was he was making movies. He is presenting the Best Supporting Actress award.

Melissa Leo gets Best Supporting Actress! YES!!!!! She ended up saying the F-word on national television. You know what? Good for her! Seeing her win was awesome because it means her own ads didn’t affect her odds. Also, it was clearly based on her performance which was awesome. I’m really happy for Melissa who has had and still will have an amazing career.

I love how Kirk Douglas stalled on announcing the winner for Best Supporting Actress. Most other actors would NOT get away with that, but he did and for good reason. To see Kirk living and kicking after all these years is great.

6:06 PM

“Toy Story 3” gets the Best Animated Feature Oscar, and they continue to dominate this Oscar category for very good reasons. Its director thanked the audience for embracing a movie about “talking toys” which truly had something important to say.

“Toy Story 3” was one of my favorite movies of the year.

6:14 PM

Aaron Sorkin wins Best Adapted Screenplay for “The Social Network.” But did the music really have to play as he was finishing his speech? Way to go!

6:18 PM

“The King’s Speech” gets its first Oscar of the evening for Best Original Screenplay. Its writer David Seidler said that his father called him a late bloomer, and that he hopes that his record as the oldest Oscar winner in this category will be broken over and over.

So right now, it looks like the Oscar race between “The King’s Speech” and “The Social Network” is pretty tight.

6:25 PM

It’s not often you see a former host of the Oscars sitting in the audience and being addressed by the host of this year’s Oscars. Hugh Jackman is and most likely always be a great sport as Anne Hathaway proved she has an amazing set of vocal pipes!

6:32 PM

Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor for “The Fighter.” It looked to be a tight race between him and Geoffrey Rush, but in the end, it always looked like this particular award was destined to be his.

6:45 PM

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross take away the Oscar for Best Original Score for “The Social Network.” I’m thrilled to see the head of Nine Inch Nails now being known as an Oscar winner.

6:47 PM

“Inception” gets its second Oscar of the evening for Best Sound Mixing. Maybe it will do better tonight than many would expect it.

6:49 PM

It’s another one for “Inception” as it gets Best Sound Effects Editing. To see it as the one as the one with the most Oscar wins this evening so far feels really cool.

6:56 PM

“The Wolfman” gets the Oscar for Best Makeup. Seeing Cate Blanchett say that their work is gross “is a highlight.”

6:58 PM

Colleen Atwood gets Best Costume Design for “Alice In Wonderland.” A couple of stagehands were seen going being the stage as she did her speech.

7:20 PM

Oprah Winfrey presents the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature. The Oscar goes to don my Netflix queue. One of the winners pointed out that not one of the Wall Street executives are behind bars and how wrong that is.

7:27 PM

Anne Hathaway introduces Billy Crystal, not at all expected. He called Bob Hope what an Oscar host should be, a “sexy movie star.” Seeing him at the Oscars again is really nice, and hopefully we will see him there again. Even after all these years, so many wonder before the Oscar host(s) are announced if Billy will be back. Give in to it Billy!!! I hate to see you wake up in the morning with a horse’s head in your head.

7:33 PM

It’s another one for “Inception” as it wins Best Visual Effects! Could it possibly upset “The King’s Speech” and “The Social Network” for Best Picture? I can dream, can’t I? “Inception” is my pick for Best Picture mainly because my favorite movie of the year (“Scott Pilgrim vs. The World”) was NOT nominated.

7:35 PM

“The Social Network” wins Best Film Editing. Things are looking better for this film in an awards ceremony where “The King’s Speech” is expected to reign supreme.

7:45 PM

The last two nominees for Best Original Song perform. The Oscar goes to Randy Newman for “We Belong Together” for the great movie “Toy Story 3.”

7:51 PM

Celine Dion sings over the In Memorium section of the Oscars. Usually you measure the applause between those you got the most, but this year that was not the case, Halle Berry comes out to praise the late Lena Horne, so she is the only one from this past year who deserves more applause than anyone else.

8:03 PM

Tom Hooper gets Best Director for “The King’s Speech.” While I wanted to see David Fincher get it for “The Social Network,” Tom did get the DGA award for good reason. Tom ends his speech by saying:

“Listen to your mother.”

8:07 PM

The Academy looks back at the Governors Awards. Kevin Brownlow, Francis Ford Coppola, and Eli Wallach get their due in front of a billion people. Still, it would have been nice to see them accept their awards during the actual ceremony.

8:14 PM

Jeff Bridges takes his precious time introducing each of the nominees for Best Actress. Natalie Portman wins the Oscar in this category.

So I guess there’s not going to be anymore of those emotional tributes to each nominee. It’s back to the clips and close ups of the actors. What a shame, that made it seem like there were absolutely no losers. My reaction to that was censored by ABC just in time.

8:25 PM

Colin Firth wins Best Actor for “The King’s Speech” just as we all expected him to. It seems like whenever someone playing a member of the Royal Family, they are destined to win no matter what. Perhaps there have been exceptions to this.

8:36 PM

“The King’s Speech” wins Best Picture of the year. This is somewhat of a deflating moment for me. Don’t get me wrong, it was far and away one of the best movies of 2010, but Best Picture?

“Inception,” “The Social Network,” “Winter’s Bone,” and “Toy Story 3” were far more deserving. How did this particular one manage to trump them all?

8:39 PM

The P.S. 22 kids end the ceremony with their wonderful singing. Not sure why the producers ended the show with this, but nice all the same.

So, another Oscar ceremony comes to an end. All I can hear now is the collective sigh from all the nominees that the awards season finally comes to an end. They must be so sick of hearing about themselves.

I know I didn’t include all the winners in this article, but I guess it shows which moments of the show were more absorbing than others.