Watching Kermit the Frog sing “Rainbow Connection” in “The Muppets” brought back memories I cherish. “The Muppet Movie” was the first film I ever saw in a theater, and I consider myself fortunate that it was. I even brought along my own Kermit the Frog hand puppet which I still have, and I had him singing along with the real Kermit who was singing this same song onscreen back in his swamp all those years ago. These characters were a large part of my childhood, and I still find them endlessly entertaining as an adult.

“The Muppets” represents the kind of Muppet movie I have been yearning to see for years; one which appeals to the whole family and doesn’t just condescend to kids. Ever since Jim Henson passed away in 1990 everything Muppet has been geared towards children without much thought to us adults. The ironical humor vanished without a trace, and Disney took over the franchise without really knowing how to make an effective Muppet movie. This became abundantly clear when “Muppets From Space” collapsed both critically and commercially back in 1999 (perhaps because they weren’t partying like it was 1999).

But with “Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s” Jason Segel and “Flight of the Conchords’” co-creator James Bobbin directing and star Bret McKenzie supervising the music, “The Muppets” is a movie the whole family can enjoy together, and it will put a smile on even the most jaded fan’s face. Granted, a number of puppeteers from this infamous franchise (namely Frank Oz) refused to participate because they felt the script didn’t respect the characters. I beg to differ on that.

Segel stars as Gary whose brother Walter is a Muppet himself, and both are die hard fans of “The Muppet Show” in childhood and their love for it stays strong even through puberty. They finally get their chance to visit Muppet Studios when Gary invites Walter to come along with him and his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) to Los Angeles. But when they get there, they find that it is now in a dilapidated state as Kermit and company haven’t performed together or seen each other in years.

Even worse, Walter overhears the evil oil magnate Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) planning to buy the studios not to preserve it as a landmark, but to drill for oil underneath it. As a result, Walter, Gary and Mary join forces to reunite the Muppets in order to put on a telethon that will raise the money needed to save not just the studios but the Muppet theater where the magic all started.

My guess is that Oz and other puppeteers never saw the Muppets splitting up and going their separate ways, but having re-watched a lot of “Muppet Show” episodes recently, they didn’t always have the best time working together. Besides they did split up (if only temporarily) in “The Muppets Take Manhattan” when Kermit got all pissy about the gang constantly leaning on him to figure out what to do next. Heck, that Kermit didn’t ditch Miss Piggy sooner is amazing.

Starting off with the Muppets having gone their separate ways years ago gives “The Muppets” an interesting jumping off point. Like many, the Muppets wonder if they are still relevant in today’s popular culture. While they are a big favorite of my generation, whether they can translate to another is uncertain. Of course, there’s only one way to find that out.

Even though the voices of the original Muppet performers are not present, the characters have not changed nor have they gotten cynical (unlike Statler and Waldorf). Steve Whitmire performs Kermit the Frog and does great work in capturing his unforgettable mannerisms without ever simply going through the motions. The same goes with the rest of the puppeteers working here as they make each character from Miss Piggy to Animal their own.

It’s also interesting to see where everyone is at today. Kermit is living in a mansion that is not in the best condition, Miss Piggy is the editor in chief of Vogue Paris, Scooter works at Google, and Sam the Eagle is a Fox News-like personality which seems to be the perfect venue for his endless pomposity. But the one Muppet who practically steals this movie is Animal who we meet up with again at an anger management clinic where Jack Black is his sponsor.

As for the human actors, Segel is a hoot as Gary and his love for the Muppets shines through every contribution he has made to this film. Amy Adams remains infinitely adorable even after her ball busting turn in last year’s “The Fighter.” Her sweetness is no act, and she scores a huge musical highlight with “Party of One.” We even get to see Chris Cooper do a rap song, and it’s not as terrifying as it sounds. As for Jack Black, he becomes the most unwilling guest star “The Muppet Show” has ever seen.

The music is really good as well and never becomes cringe inducing thank goodness. “Life’s A Happy Song” starts off the proceedings with a happiness that feels genuine, and you can tell Segel is having the time of his life while singing it. The one song though which deserves a Best Original Song nomination is “Man or Muppet” where both Segel and Walter bring down the house in deciding who they really are (as if the answer wasn’t obvious).

It’s also great to see that ironic humor the Muppets were famous for back on display They push the bounds of their PG rating to where if the kids don’t get what’s being said, it’s probably just as well. I loved how they got away with the Muppet chickens singing Cee-Lo Green’s “Fuck You” without its explicit lyrics. Oh I’m sorry, I mean Cee-Lo Green’s “Forget You” (right, whatever).

But what makes “The Muppets” so good is that everyone, be it Muppets or human actors and those making cameos, comes into this project without any cynicism. Making a movie with the best of intentions or one with a happy ending is greeted with our eyes rolling in the back of our heads as we come out feeling utterly and shamelessly manipulated. The filmmakers even bring back “The Muppet Show’s” opening theme song as it was performed in season three, and it looks almost exactly like it did years ago. Even “Mahna Mahna” is brought back, and being that was the very first sketch on “The Muppet Show,” that should show you how much these filmmakers value their childhood entertainment.

Kermit, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy will never feel or sound exactly as they did from years ago, but “The Muppets” proves that they still have their charms and hilarity long after their glory days. From start to finish, “The Muppets” was made with a lot of love for the imagination Jim Henson gave us so many years ago, and deep down we all would hate to see it die away without a trace.

* * * ½ out of * * * *

“Mad Money”
2008
* out of ****
Director: Callie Khouri
Cast: Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes


Foreword: Instead of the usual review, I feel like doing something new – a satirical review of a film. This time it just happens to be “Mad Money,” a film starring Katie Holmes, Queen Latifah, Diane Keaton, Ted Danson, and a few rednecks here and there. I won’t state my opinion in this review, but I can (seriously) tell you about the film in four words: Stay the fuck away.


“Mad Money” is a film that deserves to be sent to the Central Intelligence Agency – instead of waterboarding, they can use a more effective method of torturing prisoners. I can see it now – tying people to a chair, arms and legs bound, watching Katie Holmes swimming in a pool of money. I think I would be the first one to fess up about seeing Uwe Boll’s new movie and liking it.

In the opening scenes, we watch three people throw their money away. There’s Queen Latifah burning hundreds of dollars in the grill:

“There goes my paycheck from “Hairspray.” There goes my paycheck from “Stranger than Fiction.” There goes that two hundred and seventy-five dollars that those guys that made me talk about penguins paid me,” says Latifah.

She continues, saying, “I was thinking about buying an exercise machine so I can drop two hundred pounds, but they don’t call me Latifah for nothing!”

The next shot, we see Katie Holmes, setting a trap with her money.

“Tom kicked me out of the house, so I moved into a trailer with my second cousin twice removed,” says Katie Holmes. “He got me addicted to the powder, and one night, we were married. I turned into a whore after that and the drugs now make me look like a Persian hooker.”

“Yeah, I banged my second cousin twice removed,” says Adam Rothenberg. “It started when she started pounding my meat… balls that is.”

And in the next scene, we see Ted Danson grind up money in a paper-shredder. In his new shirt that says “Larry’s Girl,” he says, “I can’t remember the last time I acted since “Getting Even With Dad!”

“Keep grinding,” shouts an angry Diane Keaton. She doesn’t look angry, because her precious white teeth are shining like the clear sky.

“You’ll be telling me that later tonight,” reminds Danson. He hasn’t had any action since he rolled over one night and got his dog confused with Mary. When asked about this incident, he said, “I thought I touching Mary one night, but it turns out that it was Mary with a little bit more fur down there.” He refuses to comment any more about that statement to this day.

Go back three years earlier. Danson and Keaton are three hundred thousand dollars in debt.

“Your teeth don’t need to be THAT white,” says Danson.

“Yeah, well, if you weren’t spending money on hookers and booze, I say that we might able to be able to pay some bills around here,” Keaton shouts back to Danson. She still smiles, showing off her pearly white teeth.

Keaton later has to get a job at the Federal Reserve, where she befriends Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes.

“Don’t tell Katie, but doesn’t she smell like a Persian hooker?” laughs Keaton while talking to Latifah.

“Shoo’ dawg, tha’ honky dribbles ho’ food while’a list’n ta her ah’pod,” speaks Queen Latifah. Keaton shakes her head. “I don’t speak hip-hop,” says Keaton, still smiling from a joke she heard two days ago.

Question: What’s slimy, cold, long, and smells like pork?

Answer: Kermit the Frog’s finger.

Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Anyway, a month passes by and Keaton can no longer afford toothpaste. Her teeth are turning the color yellow and she really needs the money. She gets together with Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes and they plan out a situation.

“Okay Latifah. You’re going to distract the guards with your big bodunkadunk while me and Katie steal money,” says Keaton.

“Wai’! Why me? It becuz I’m…” shouts Latifah, but is interrupted by Keaton

“No, no that’s not it. It’s just HUGE and out there. Unlike Katie’s acting career.”

“Say whaa’? I didn’t hear you with my MP3 blasting,” says Holmes.

“Never mind. You guys have to listen and be smart.”

“Aww,” complains Holmes, “I don’t LIKE being smart.” (And while this review is completely fake, she actually says this in the film.)

“Just think what happens once you get the money though! You can move out of the trailer-park home and move into a real trailer. And Queen Latifah can finally start talking NORMAL instead of talking slang. And my teeth will be white again!”

And it actually begins to happen. They steal the money. Katie Holmes and her cousin move into a real trailer, Queen Latifah doesn’t talk jive, and Diane Keaton now looks like Michael Keaton, but like she assures, they’re not related.

“I swear to god, we’re NOT related,” says Diane.

Michael says differently. “She swore to god. STOMP ON HER ASSCRACK AND STRIKE THAT BITCH DOWN!”

Like I said at the beginning of the review, watching “Mad Money” was such torture. But it’s one of those torture methods that worked excellently.