"Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour" Review - Written by TonyD

“Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour”
2008
*½ out of ****
Director: Bruce Hendricks
Cast: Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Billy Ray Cyrus


Preface: Before I begin writing this review, let me begin saying that I never watched the show “Hannah Montana.” So if I’m completely missing the point of the show, don’t curse me out. Send the death threats to my e-mail address please.


Earlier this weekend, some bastards spent their hard-earned money on a concert film called “Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour.” A ticket cost fifteen bucks a pop, and the money-grubbing bastards at Disney couldn’t even give the audience an hour and a half movie. At the end of the weekend, the bastards at Disney made twenty-nine million on the film. I guess they would rather have money from their movies than the characters at Disney World participate enthusiastically in park events.

So, can someone fill me in on a little something-something… what the hell is this phenomenon called “Hannah Montana?” How does someone who lip-synchs into a microphone get so much fame compared to someone who actually sings? Here’s a better question – what is the point of a movie? Being that there is an hour and fifteen minute music video, you’re guaranteed to not see one of your favorite songs on here. I know that a couple people bitched, whined, and moaned when their favorite wasn’t played at the end of the movie, but seriously, who the hell cares? Go get tickets for the damn thing and stop your bitching. (Or better yet, don’t. Maybe we won’t have to see the light of day for an actual film).

So what can I start complaining about first? Let’s start the complaining about the 3D glasses. Sure, they are pretty damn good glasses, but it feels more like beer goggles than 3D glasses. I felt so trippy after the movie that it’s like I drank more than Tom Brady during a post-Super Bowl party…

Oh we lost… sheesh I can’t remember. Another round, Bud.

Let’s also start talking about the 3D itself. Being as I’m not a big fan of actual 3D because it gives me headaches, I was actually kind of pleased when I kind of figured out that everything 3D was more of a marketing gimmick instead of a 3D film. The previews were more 3D than the entire film was. Most of the 3D was in the opening credits and the people in the crowd waving their hands and cell-phones (which I found it COMPLETELY unfair that those bastards in the video took videos with their cell-phones and we’re not supposed to).

Before I get onto the performers, which mainly consist of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, I want to talk about the choreography. I don’t know if many of you know it, but the guy who choreographed this was the guy who choreographed “High School Musical” and its sequel. This can either go both ways. If you like “High School Musical,” maybe you can tolerate “Best of Both Worlds.” If not, well, “Strange Wilderness” is playing across the hall, as is “Cloverfield” and “No Country For Old Men.” But you know me, I’m NOT a fan of “High School Musical,” and in fact, I hate it more than the people who were kicking my chair during the movie, but let’s be frank here. The choreography was decent. Even I could admit that it was so damn good dance moves. Finally, we have a dance movie that doesn’t take place in the hood…

So let’s begin by talking about the Jonas Brothers, the less talented half of the film, and it’s true… THEY’RE LESS TALENTED BUT EQUALLY AS FRUITY! Although they don’t come until halfway through the movie, their whiney and bitchy voices got to me once their “hit” song “Year 3000” came on. Did it ever occur to them that they sound like a bunch of prisoners in a jail-cell getting ass-raped by a big fat guy? To quote Jackie Gleason, “How sweet it is!”

And finally, we come to a closing point when I bring up the star of Hannah Montana, Ms. Cyrus. I’m sure she has just as much talent on her left ass-crack than Lindsay Lohan does throughout her whole body, and I’m sure that she is a total role-model for children, but I don’t get it. She lip-synchs all of her songs (and it is quite obvious, especially in that one song where they have even admit that she does) and she covers it up just as well as Britney Spears did at last year’s VMAs. And I kind of find it hard that every little girl, every teenaged girl, and every woman who wishes she was like Miley Cyrus didn’t noticed the way Cyrus was acting throughout the film, like a sarcastic little brat. If she dare moaned the word ‘mommy’ throughout the film again, she would be pissing out ovaries.

But as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ll own up to it and say that I’m kind of glad that I saw “Best of Both Worlds” on the big screen. Sure, I didn’t really like it, but it’s one of those movies that you just have to experience. Because if you don’t, you pretty much lose out. “Hannah Montana” fans must go see this film in the theaters with other “Hannah Montana” fans, and truth to be told, anyone that really likes big events would probably like it.

Just don’t expect a lot of Billy Ray Cyrus. You will be disappointed.