“Mac and Devin go to High School”
Year: 2012
Director: Dylan C. Brown
Stars: Wiz Khalifa, Snoop Dogg, Mike Epps
Studio: Anchor Bay Films
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 75 Mins.

I’ve had to endure three really bad films in the two months; I thought it might be time to bring back “Screeners from Hell”. It’s the column, where I trash the worst of the worst. I couldn’t find a better movie than “Mac and Devin go to High School” to bring back this column.

The film is about a valedictorian (Wiz Khalifa), who struggling to pen his graduation speech, because he has no life experiences. He finds his inspiration in Mac Johnson (Snoop Dogg), an underachieving student who has been a senior in high school for fifteen years. Johnson becomes smitten when a new sexy substitute teacher arrives at the school. He begins to realize that the only chance he’ll have with her, if he graduates. He promises to help Devin cram four years of teenage experiences, if he’d help him graduate high in three weeks time.

There are some films, where you can’t help the fact that you’re watching a train wreck of a film. You want to shut the film off, but you still have to maintain your integrity as a reviewer and watch the film in its entirety. This was definitely the case with “Mac and Devin go to High School”.

I don’t know where to start. The directing was flat out horrible. Director Dylan C. Brown doesn’t attempt to do anything to make this film work. One of the things that I didn’t like about his direction, he goes for more of a music video style and just stay there for the entire film. From the way the film was shot to the animation of the narration sequences, this film felt like a seventy-five minute music video. It felt like something that you would see on MTV than in a normal movie theater. I wished Brown cut back on the music video style, because it was getting annoying by the half hour mark. The other thing that I strongly disliked about Brown’s direction, the way that he handles the acting. It was horrible. The acting was so flat and very one dimensional. This film felt like a bunch of friends that were there to have fun and not worrying about putting in decent performance. When that happens, it makes for a very long movie.

The screenplay isn’t much better. Screenwriters Herschel Faber, Jamieson Stern and Jarrett Golding were just flat out horrible. There’s way too much vulgar, sexual dialogue and scenes of characters smoking weed. By focusing on that a lot, there’s no time to develop the characters and film’s story. The other thing that the screenwriters didn’t do was create humorous moments. I was sitting there playing with my hands the entire time, because the scene weren’t funny. You need funny dialogue or action to generate laughs. There’s wasn’t any here, as it felt like they were using the dialogue scenes to set up for the next music video sequence. In short, the screenplay was uninteresting and unfunny.

“Mac and Devin go to High School” feels more like a long music video than a feature film. If you’re looking to laugh out loud, then you’re in the wrong place. That’s why “Mac and Devin go to High School” is a “Screener from Hell”.

Bloodmyth
Year: 2010
Directors: John Rackman
Stars: Shelly Halstead, Natalie Clayton, Ben Shockley
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Seminal Films
Running Time: 96 Mins

It's been a while since I wrote a Screener from Hell because there hasn't been material that qualitifed for this honor until now.

"Bloodmyth" is about an instructor for a survival training company who invites her sister along with a group of people who go a weekend camping trip in the Kent woodland, where they hope to have fun. Unbekownst to all of the them, there is a killer that waiting for them to become part of his human sacrifice. As they are on the run for him, they begin to discover his dark past and gruesome killings. Can the sisters fight off this killer, before they become apart of his sacrifice.

"Bloodmyth" is a film that might be one of most boring slasher films, ever made, as this film felt like a two and half hour film. The reason for that, it felt like forever and a day before something actually happened.

The reason that this film fails miserbaly, the writting and direction of John Rackham. The direction is just flat and lifeless to the point that the death scenes didn't feel scary or creative. One of the things that he does wrong was to pace the film at a slow pace. This movie felt like, it was never going to end. That is the problem, when everything in a film like this goes wrong. Rackham also didn't do a good job making any of the performances entertaining. Instead, the performances had a flatline tone to them. It's one of the things that turned me off. You need performances that have a certain tone in order to get the viewers attention. This film didn't have it, because all of the performances lacked personality. I also think that's the reason that this film had deaths that didn't feel scary or suspenseful. Another problem that Rackham had was the fact that the production value wasn't good neither. By looking at the overally aspect of the picture frame, some of the scenes felt too bright or too dark. After watching it for fifteen mintures, it started to become distracting, which is never a good sign for your film.

Rackman's screenplay was even more worse than the direction. I didn't care for anything that went on in this film. There were two reasons to why this was horrible. First, there was no character development. This film felt like a bunch of characters that go in the woods to get killed off. The reason for that was the way that Rackman didn't care about giving any personality to them. It made the film very boring as every character felt the same. That what's makes this film, very boring. The other reason was that I never felt scared with the action. The reason that I felt this way was that there was no suspense to any of the action scenes. It's kind of hard find any suspense in anything, when you have scenes that just feel flat and dervired of energy. This film felt like a film, which has scenes that are just not creative and not catching enough to keep your interest. When that happens, the film becomes a hack and slash film. I don't even know if I can even call it that as the lack of charcter development just drained of my will to watch this film.

All and all, this is just an unbearable and unreleaseble film. "Bloodmyth" feels like a myth, as this was just a hard film to sit there and watch. Enough with this piece of crap and thats why "Bloodmyth" is a Screener from Hell.

Crazy Girls Undercover
Year: 2009
Director: Chris Langman
Studio: Monarch Home Video
Stars: Clive Robertson, Nikki Ziering, Simona Fusco
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 90 Mins

Every once in a while, I get ideas in my head for the site. I came up with this idea, thirty minutes into “Crazy Girls Undercover”. If anyone ever asks how I got the idea for Screeners From Hell, then look no further than this film.

The film is about a former CIA agent and Las Vegas gentlemen’s club, who enlists his showgirls help him on his latest mission, after finding out that a terrorist is building a bomb, who is the same terrorist that killed his family years ago. Into to stop this person, the women must use their deadly skills to overcome this man, before he uses the bomb to exact his own revenge.

“Crazy Girls Undercover” is just mindless b-movie trash. When you have a quote on the back of the box that says “Stylish thriller in the vain of “Casino Royale”, I expect something that resembles that quote, not something that resembles a lifeless late night film. Director Chris Langman doesn’t bring any energy in his direction. The film felt like it same boring tone that you were watching a late night soap opera, not a thriller that would at least have an entertaining moment or two. Even the fight scenes felt amateurish at best. He also doesn’t make the performances exciting enough to even make you care for the film. The performances felt like that they were phoned in, as the actors brought no energy to the performances. Some of the blame has to be put on the director, as he is supposed to get his actors to give the best performances that they can. I really though that Langman didn’t spend a lot of time working on getting that, as he was only interested in filling up most of the screen time with pretty women, which made this very boring to watch.

But the major problem with this film was that the fact that the screenplay was just terrible. Screenwriter, Norbert Aleman didn’t seem to care that you needed a story with interesting characters and suspenseful action. This film could have use some story and character development, as the film story comes off as dull and boring. There was virtually no action going on for a spy thriller, as every other scene has the main character surrounded by two or three different women at all times. It really made me not care about anything, as the story’s purpose was just to show off how many pretty girls it can show in a ninety minute time span, instead of providing suspense twists that needed in a spy thriller.

Crazy Girls Undercover is a boring B movie and unentertaining movie that is a screener from hell.

Simon Says
Year: 2009
Director: William Dear
Studio: Lionsgate
Stars: Crispin Glover, Margo Harshman, Greg Cipes
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 87 Mins.
Official Website: http://www.simonsaysthemovie.com/

I remember back in my childhood there was a very good family film that William Dear directed called “Harry and the Hendersons”, which was directed stars like John Lithgow, M Emmet Walsh and Don Ameche It was very entertaining and fun to watch. He has also directed the remake of Angels in the Outfield and the upcoming “The Perfect Game”. Back in 2006, he made a film called “Simon Says”

The film is focuses on five college kids, who decide to spend their vacation in the woods. As they find the perfect camping spot, they look forward to a fun vacation of love and fun. But it takes a turn for the worst, when the kids come across Simon and Stanley, twin brothers. Soon the brothers begin to knock off the kids, leading to one gruesome camping trip.

I thought to myself after watching this film, what the hell is a director that has made a career making family films all of a sudden want to direct a horror film? I’m sorry, but this is awful attempt to make a horror film

“Simon Says” is a very unoriginal horror film that does nothing to make you remotely interested. William Dear’s inexperience in making a horror film shows, as everything in this film really made no sense, since this film had no logic to being with. Never in this film, I didn’t feel scared or interested for that matter. The reason for that was the Dear’s direction. It felt like there was no moments of suspense, as he really way too much time with the blood effects and the high body count. It’s boring and makes you wonder why you are seeing this film, in the first place.

The acting was atrocious. All of the young cast members were annoying. They made their characters all clueless like, which made me never care about them. But the worst thing about the acting is the fact Crispin Glover’s performance was just bad. His performances just doesn’t even make you interested in this film, it annoys the hell out of you. It’s sad to say this about a decent actor like Glover, but I don’t know what else to say. The performance was just very bad. If you want to Crispin Glover turn in a good performance rent the “Back to the Future” or last year’s remake of “The Wizard of Gore”. That’s where Glover is at his best.

The screenplay was just as horrible as everything else with this film. There was no attempt into go into the psychology and backstory of the film’s main character, which made the film very hard to sit through. I was disinterested with the character. There was no layer to that character. It was your typical horror villain, as the character’s purpose was just to kill off characters. While were also on the character, they were all characters that you would consider disposable and annoying. That’s what makes you horror stupid, not scary, when the sole focus is to kill people in ten million ways. Films like this should be scary, not stupid. Also, while I’m talking about the stupidity that this film has. The ending was just made no sense and sent up on an uproar. It was like, Dear was trying to set this film up for a franchise. Sorry, I don’t think there is going to more Simon Says films, as this is just fucking awful.

I usually don’t offer career advice, but I have to give it here. William Dear, I know most of the films that you’ve done are made for families. Please stick to that genre; it’s what your good at, as I really don’t want to review another horror film from you ever again.

That why “Simon Says” is a Screener From Hell.

Hide
Year: 2009
Director: K.C. Bascombe
Studio: MTI Home Video / Artist View Entertainment
Stars: Christian Kane, Rachel Miner, Beth Grant
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 96 Mins.





Going into this film, I thought that I was going to watch a suspenseful action packed heist film. Instead, this was not the film that was advertised to be.

“Hide” is a film that tries to be like “Bonnie and Clyde”. The film is about, two lovers who go down the path murder and mayhem, as they shoot up a diner and killing everyone there. Soon, one of them is caught during a shoot out. Fast forward seven years later, where Billy Bear (Christian Kane) is being transported to another prison when his girlfriend/partner-in-crime (Rachel Miner) breaks him out of jail. Soon the two are on the run, as they look for the money that they stole. But unknown to them, there is someone is following them, as this person wants them to pay for the sins that they committed. The film also co-stars Polly Shannon (Lie with Me) and Beth Grant (No Country for Old Men).

Throughout watching this film, I could tell that “Hide” had an identity crises. I really didn’t know what this film was trying to be, as it clearly rips off films like “True Romance”, “Pulp Fiction”, and “insert any serial killer flick”. To put it in plain words, this was a painful film to watch.

The direction wasn’t good at all. Director K.C. Bascombe doesn’t try to make this original or even entertaining. Everything felt lifeless, from the direction to the narration. It was like ninety-six minutes of boredom. The action scenes were very boring, as every time something was going to happen, it slows down into another scene. I thought this was supposed to be an action thriller. The acting didn’t do the film any favors. Bascombe makes the performances very dark which really made the characters lifeless. I really didn’t care for any of them. That’s a shame because there are some very talented actors in this film. It’s just, the way they were directed that made the performances dull.

But my main criticism with this was the screenplay written by Greg Rosati. There was nothing original about this screenplay. It was like that he took bits and pieces from other films and wrote something that doesn’t fit with the rest of the story. It made the film feel like a collection of pulp films, instead of an original piece of work. Also, the screenplay has many problems. One of the things that I would have like to have seen was another angle to the story, maybe from the police point of view. Instead, I felt like there was only one point of view to the film, which made the story unsuspenseful and quite frankly painful to watch. The other major problem this film has the film needed more characters. That point is quite evident with the film’s twist, as it made the twist very predictable. Rosati should have added more characters. In order for a twist to work, you need more central characters in a story like this. When you have three central characters and two of them are running away from a mystery person, of course you know who the hell that person is. That’s makes the film’s twist a miserable failure and further worsens the story. If it had a couple of more central characters, then maybe it would have worked. Instead, it sends this film into this special category.

It’s sad that I have to make this a Screener from Hell, as there are talented actors here, who chose the wrong project to work on. This is just a failure on all levels. “Hide” is a bad knockoff film that just gets worse, as the film goes along and that’s why “Hide” is a screener from hell.

Attack of the Giant Leeches
Year: 2009
Director: Brett Kelly
Studio: Midnight Releasing
Stars: Mike Conway, Keri Draper, Shawna McSheffrey,
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 77 Mins





“Screeners From Hell” is new column on Film Arcade.net. I'm Anthony T, who has seen and reviewed countless number of films, for the site. Some great and some I never wish never existed. Instead, of giving it no stars, I decided to start a column that highlights some of the worst screeners that I’ve reviewed for the site.

First up, “Attack of the Giant Leeches”. The film takes place in a small town, where people are starting to disappear in the swamps. Soon, there are bodies turning up all over the place with no blood in them. The only people that find out what’s going on is a park ranger and town sheriff. The two discover that the leeches near the swamp are growing at an alarming rate and to the point that no one can stop them.

‘Attack of the Giant Leeches is a bad cheesy horror film that felt like it was made, in the late fifties. This was just painful to watch, as Brett Kelly’s direction was very bad. His direction never seemed to work. It felt bland and very unenergetic. One of the main reasons for that, everything that was put on screen felt lifeless. It was like, the air leaving the room and never coming back. There were times that I wanted to shut this film off, as everything felt dull and unsuspenseful. The acting, also felt like it came out of a fifties horror film. The performances were very bad and it made the characters uninteresting. Also, the effects were very cheesy. I know that this is a very low budgeted film, but try to make the creatures somewhat very realistic, not all rubbery, like they looked here.

The Screenplay written by, Jeff O’Brien was just as equally, if not much worse than the direction. There was no attempt to have suspense whatsoever as I was bored with everything that going on. The reason for that, this film had no conflict. Everything seemed to dry up, as everytime there was a chance for a conflict, we cut to another lifeless scene or a rant that the town’s doctor goes on which were very annoying. It makes it very had to be interested in a film, like this. The character development was just as equally horrible. There was no attempt to develop anything, as everything gets drowned out with the lifeless tone. If this wasn’t bad enough, there is an opportunity left open to have another crappy movie, if the producers choose to.

“Attack of the Giant leeches is one bad B movie that should have been made in the first place, but it least has the honor of being the first “Screener From Hell.