FilmArcade.net: monsters

Director: Ryuhei Kitamura

Cast: Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Brooke Shields, Vinnie Jones

Lionsgate Films / USA / Color / Rated R / Widescreen (2.35:1) / Dolby Digital / English / 98 min / Viewed via FearNet Video On-Demand

Clive Barker is one of, if not THE most imaginatively disturbing and creatively gruesome authors of our time. His stories of the grotesque transcend what our minds can fathom or would want to. He combines myth with modern day splatter, violence with pleasure, and the repulsive with the beautiful. "The Books of Blood" is a masterpiece of horror that is a prime example of the way his mind works. Volume 1 includes a story that, just by the name alone, conjures visions of sinew, blood and viscera. That story is "Midnight Meat Train". Director Ryuhei Kitamura (Azumi, Versus) and screenplay writer Jeff Buhler are now charged with the unholy task of bringing this grisly horror to the big screen. (READ MORE)

CAUTION! THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SPOILERS, INCLUDING THE ENDING WILL BE GIVEN AWAY. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED

“Cloverfield”
2007
**** out of ****
Director: Matt Reeves
Cast: Michael Stahl-David, Lizzy Caplan, T.J. Miller

The hardest part about reviewing a film, besides the actual review part, is where to begin a review. I’ll begin here by saying that “Cloverfield” is one of the best films of 2008, and the year just begun. It’s hard to describe this film. Ever since I first saw the then-unnamed trailer for the film in “Transformers,” which was nothing but a party then cut to the Statue of Liberty’s head lying in the streets, I’ve been a fanboy.

The key to success, according to producer J.J. Abrams, is to keep it a secret from your audience. Let them try and figure out what you are going to do with your film. He kept throwing us fake titles at us, such as “Monsterous,” “Slusho,” “1-18-08,” and my personal favorite, “Cheese,” but the one title just stuck by. J.J. Abrams threw us a nickname for the film that kept us asking what the hell it was. We now officially know the film as “Cloverfield.” And we’ve been calling it “Cloverfield” for the entire time. It was the one of those titles that everyone thought sounded so cool but didn’t know what it meant. Even just sitting here on the computer, I’m still trying to figure out what “Cloverfield” is, although the trailers kind of have been giving it away.

According to the second trailer and the film, “Cloverfield” is where Central Park once stood. We are brought to a post-9/11 landscape where New York City still isn’t straightened out. During the film, someone screams out “Is it a terrorist attack,” acting like that our country is being invaded again. Truth to be told, we still are being invaded. Terrorists don’t have anything against this monster. This thing is cold-blooded. The heart of the monster is smaller than the Grinch’s and darker than one of the film’s most shocking scenes. I’m still surprised that we actually consider that “Cloverfield” is a monster movie. It’s the farthest thing from it. It’s a love story set around a monster attack.

I must stop you here and say that throughout the rest of my review, everything will be a spoiler. This will include my theories of where the monster came from and what has happened to the monster.

Instead of Abrams and Matt Reeves telling you where the monster came from, they let you know where everyone else came from. Rob (Michael Stahl-David) just came out of a one-night stand with Beth (Odette Yustman) and finally decides that he loves her, but he decides this a few days before he leaves for Japan. This scene alone makes us wonder what Rob will be doing in Japan. This “monster movie” was based on one of the most famous tales of a monster attacking Japan, though Abrams himself claims that it is completely original and didn’t want to copy off of “Godzilla” in any way, shape or form.

Another character that we get to meet is Rob’s brother, Jason (Mike Vogal). He’s been going through a great relationship with a wonderful girl named Lily (Jessica Lucas). The two of them plan a going away party. Like the first few minutes of my personal favorite “The Blair Witch Project,” we follow Jason and Lily while they go threw a grocery store and buy things for the party. Jason documents the events on a small hand-held camera owned by Rob.

The tape that was kept in there was a tape of Beth and Rob going to Coney Island. Before that, though, we see Rob videotaping from his father’s apartment and we catch a glimpse of what was once Central Park. Jason later hands the camera to a guy that we know as Hud, (T.J Miller) Rob’s best friend. Hud shoots the camera throughout the rest of the movie as the unlikely camera guy who begins to get the hand of it. We later meet Marlena (Lizzy Caplan) as Hud tries to hit on her while taping.

But then the attacks begin, which is where many people will become frustrated with the film. I’m not a big fan of the whole shakey-cam effect, and if you know my opinion of “The Bourne Ultimatum,” then you know how much of a pain in the ass it will be trying to figure out what is going on. But that, my friends and enemies, is the greatest part about “Cloverfield.” Because the film is all in shakey-cam, we’re not here to watch this monster destroy New York City. We’re watching the emotions of the people who are going through this attack. While the cameras are shaken back and forth, it kind of points out to us how much these people are panicking. It’s also been quite clear to me that they’re scared shitless.

Throughout the entire movie, we are left asking who or what is the monster, where did the monster come from, and why is the monster here. We aren’t given an explanation as to why, but if you look very closely to the final moments of the film, you can see that while Rob and Beth are sitting through Coney Island, something crashes into the water. Look closely to it. Doesn’t it look like… yeah, that’s it. So we know where it arrived to, but where did it come from? Abrams says that it was lying in the water for thousands of years. The question that everyone is asking is just what is it. Theories have gone from Voltron, to Godzilla, and my theory of Reptar. But I can finally say that from the footage that we are shown… it’s a parasite. While it’s not so clear, a later scene in the film shows us tinier parasites chasing our heroes.

Does anyone want to know the actual history of the parasite though? Go to http://slusho.jp/. You will find out the real story here plus how you can buy a “Slusho” shirt.

People will hate the ending for three reasons. One, it is extremely negative ending. Nothing works out. Everything is surrounded by a four letter word that begins with an ‘f,’ and it is not my favorite word. These characters were given so many chances and decide to turn them all away. I guess that someone from Paramount got pissed off because the previous endings in “Dragon Wars” and “King Kong” were a little bit too happy. The second reason is because that we don’t receive an ending that clears all of our questions. Yes, we kind of figure out by now that the characters have died, but what about the monster? Did that nuclear bomb kill it? And I bet you’re still asking how the camera survived everything until its battery died. No problem here though. I kind of figured that while you’re watching it on a camcorder that it won’t show you everything, unlike people in the movie theater.

And at last, my goal was successful. I wanted to stay away from reviews until I saw it, and it worked. The film was one of the most fun that I’ve had in ages. After walking out of “Cloverfield,” all I heard was how much bullshit the ending was, how no one could understand it, and how it just sucked. The reason? They wanted more of the monster. All I kept saying to myself was that some people just don’t deserve to watch movies.