DIRECTED BY
Steve Shimek

STARRING
Shalaina Castle - Jordan
Brandon Sean Pearson - Cole
Clare Niederpruem - Alison
Kyle Paul - Will
Tye Nelson - Collin
Luke Drake - Officer Eric Schroeder
Richard Dutcher - Sheriff Ben
Allan Groves - Officer Marcus Larsen

Genre - Horror/Thriller/Slasher/Indie

Running Time - 90 Minutes


I remember that internet meme a couple of years back where you had to guide your mouse through a four-level maze. In each level, the paths would get narrower and narrower to the point where you would have to restart the whole thing when you touched a wall. But if you actually made it to that last level, you would get to the mid-point of the maze until *BAM* - a Pazuzu possessed Regan MacNeil from THE EXORCIST would pop up and scare the daylights out of you. Yes, I screamed like a bitch when she popped up. I'm man enough to admit it.

So why am I writing about that maze again? Because the reaction I got from it was a lot more stimulating than watching 2010's low-budget independent horror/thriller THE MAZE, which takes place in a corn field in the middle of nowhere. While not a terrible film, it won't leave you aMAZEd either. Here's the perfect example of a film that has a great idea, but can't live up to its potential due to several factors that's mostly out of its control.

PLOT
Five friends, who seem to bicker alot, decide to drive in search for a huge maze that's surrounded by rows and columns of corn stalks. Along the way, one of them brings up a story about a guy in a red hoodie stabbing and killing people, who venture through this maze, with scissors. Being the geniuses they are, they decide to head there anyway and check it out. Unfortunately by the time they arrive there, it's night and the maze is closed for the public. Being the geniuses they are, they decide to trespass and play a game of "tag" as they travel through the large maze. What they don't know is that someone wearing a red hoodie is also inside the maze, eager to attack these friends one-by-one.

REVIEW
THE MAZE could have been a pretty great horror/thriller if it had more things going for it, instead of against it. The main culprit is the lack of money to really fund a great premise like a killer in a corn field maze, as the film doesn't show us enough of what we need to see in order to make a movie like this work. The other culprit is a weak script that pretty much derails any potential or momentum THE MAZE needs to make it stand out.

Like I mentioned, the narrative is very weak because it doesn't seem to know what type of film it wants to tell. The first half of the movie is definitely a slasher, with a stalk-and-kill villain chasing after five one-dimensional characters through a corn field. The problem with the whole slasher deal is that it doesn't do what slashers are known for - nudity and graphic violence. No one gets even close to being naked in this film at all. Plus, the violence is pretty tame. There's barely any bloodshed. The kills seem to happen off-screen. And with characters that have no development at all, we need those two distractions to keep audiences invested in finishing the film. And I gotta say that the Final Girl has got to be one of the worst choices for a Final Girl in a slasher film. Not only do we know nothing about her, but she's a total bitch for most of the film. So why should I care about her survival again?

The second half of the film switches modes, becoming a thriller as the killer reveals himself and torments the Final Girl in a twist that I didn't see coming honestly. Unfortunately, I don't understand the twist's purpose because the backstory of the killer is never revealed. We have no idea why he does what he does. We have no idea why he only kills people who enter mazes of corn. We have no idea why he decides to play mind games with the lone survivor instead of killing her and getting it over with. I will say that once the killer is in his civilian clothes and actually speaks, his personality shines right through. In fact, I wanted to see more of the character. But with no clear motivations for his actions, there was definitely a piece of the puzzle missing.

And while the film was disjointed due to the change in genres, I felt the thriller portion of the movie was stronger than the slasher portion. The slasher portion dragged on for way too long, boring me to tears. The characters were very annoying, unlikable, and not even worth the time caring about. The killer should have killed them faster in my opinion. The thriller portion, while not exactly thrilling, was better paced. It went by quick and I liked the characters and acting better as well. Personally, THE MAZE should have been a shorter film, with maybe 15 dedicated to the slasher portion, and 30 minutes to the thriller portion. The film would have been more effective and the small budget would have gone to more things in the production, like maybe better actors and the graphic violence.

Nagging issues: Why would five adults drive for so many hours just to see a maze built with rows of corn husks? And why would they trespass at night, especially knowing that a killer did horrible things there? And when they did see the killer, why didn't they just run through the corn instead of actually trying to find a way out through the maze? I know horror characters are supposed to have smaller I.Q.'s than real life people, but this was pretty ridiculous.

The gore is pretty non-existent, due to the low budget. But we do get slashed throats, stabbings, gunfire, burnings, and even guillotine action. It was a very tame slasher. But I can understand why it wasn't better. With more money, the gore effects could have easily compensated for the unforgivable weak screenwriting and story structure.

The direction by Steve Shimek is more hit than miss. To get the negatives out of the way, Shimek doesn't provide enough tension or scares to satisfy horror and/or thriller audiences. We get the usual jump scares and false starts that most modern horror films rely on when there's no atmosphere to set the creepy mood. Shimek also relies on his score to provide tension and scares, but all they did was take me out of the scene. The music wasn't bad, but it just seemed to be playing during the wrong times at some spots. I also thought the pacing was off, like I mentioned earlier. The disjointing two halves didn't help either. I will say that Shimek does have some decent visual style behind the camera. There were moments in the film where slow motion his use of flashbacks worked well. I also loved the cinematography and composition of the film. It looked very professional for a small budget, with the settings and framing looking quite impressive and stunning at times. I thought the visuals were actually the best part of the film, I have to say. I would like to see what Shimek can do with better screenwriters and a bigger budget.

The acting in the film wasn't all that impressive, but it wasn't totally horrible. I will say the best actor was the killer himself. I won't say the character's name because I don't want to spoil who it is, but I dug his work in the last half of the film. Shalaina Castle was also cool as Jordan, although she annoyed me in the first half of the film.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BUTTERING MY CORN

- "No one gets buried alive anymore." Tell that to Bill Pullman or Ryan Reynolds. I think they'd disagree with you...

- One of the characters had trouble lighting her cigarettes anytime she needs a smoke. No wonder she's single - she has no idea how to turn on things that are in her mouth.

- One of the characters got strangled to death. That's what happens when you get roped into doing a stupid maze.

- Don't bring a shotgun to a dangerous corn field. Corn will be the last thing getting popped.

- Don't get yourself trapped in a maze that has an Alice In Wonderland motif and a killer dressed in red. Once he gets his hands on you, it'll be off with your head!

THE FINAL HOWL
THE MAZE is a disappointing, mediocre low-budget horror film that could have been better if there was more money involved and if the screenplay was written better [I can forgive the budget, I can't forgive lazy writing for low or big budget films]. Still, we don't get a lot of horror films involving creepy corn fields. THE MAZE is a decent rental if you're into indie horror. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother. You wouldn't be missing a thing if you don't journey through this MAZE.

SCORE
2 Howls Outta 4

I was in the second grade when this movie came out back in 1984. It was also one of the few movies in this endless series to actually open on Friday the 13th. Looking back, it was interesting to see a lot of 8 and 9 years old get excited about a movie that had absolutely no business seeing at that age. Whether the adults liked it or not, these movies did play a part be it big or small in our young lives. They were to my generation what the “Saw” movies are to today’s generation of kids. The sight of bloody violence on the big screen (as opposed to real life) is still exciting to many, and this has been the case for longer than any of us really realize. Still, it would be several more years before I actually bothered to see it, and on television with all the good parts taken out no less.

I got to see this one recently at the New Beverly Cinema as part of the “Tommy Jarvis Trilogy” of the Friday the 13th franchise. This trilogy is comprised of Part IV: The Final Chapter, Part V: A New Beginning, and Part VI: Jason Lives. When the title “The Final Chapter” was thrust at us on the big screen, you can imagine the uncontainable laughter that erupted from the audience. I’m sure Paramount Pictures really believed that this would be the very last one… that is, until they saw the box office grosses.

We have seen Jason killed off so many times over the years, but it’s important to note that when he got a nice big ax to the head in Part 3-D, that was the first time in the series that Jason was actually “killed off.” In the very first movie, it was Jason’s mother swinging a rusty machete at teenagers who remind her not only of her baby boy, but of the body she used to have. Jason didn’t appear in that one until the very end when he gave us one of the biggest jumps out of your seat moments in movie history. Jason wasn’t even killed off in Part II. Sure, he got his ass kicked, but it was not a fatal blow for he was slowly grabbing his machete while our virginal heroes walked away. When Part III came along, it was assumed that Jason finally met his maker. That is, until Paramount saw that they made $36 million off a movie with a budget of $2.5 million.

When Part IV starts, the police have arrived at the scene of the crime and Jason (wearing the hockey mask that was first introduced to him in Part III) is being covered up and shipped off to to the morgue undergo an autopsy. When he arrives at the hospital, Jason is dropped off in the care of the biggest slob of a doctor/coroner, Axel (Bruce Mahler). Seeing slobber all over his burrito like a dog, watching women in skin tight spandex clothing doing aerobics (with the volume on mute no less), I wonder what would make this man think that he could be a god to women. Axel does ends up making out with Nurse Morgan (Lisa Freeman) regardless of the fact that she is utterly repulsed by him. Of course, if common sense was used by the characters in this movie, then this would be no longer than 30 minutes. Who wants to see a slasher film that short?! These two get murdered (big surprise), and Jason somehow makes it pass security with his hockey mask on, and he goes right back to Crystal Lake.

Well, he ends up going next door to Crystal Lake actually as he drops in on a mother and her two kids who have rented the adjacent house next door to a bunch of teens who are out and about to have a fun time. By that, I mean drinking lots of beer, smoking lots of pot, watching vintage porno movies, having as much premarital sex as humanly possible, and some mandatory skinny dipping. You know, your normal weekend in Los Angeles. You know what happens next; Jason comes in to do his Benihana act on everybody like a drunk with power landlord who never hesitates to evict tenants who haven’t paid in months.

The “Friday the 13th” movies have routinely featured actors who you never really hear from again after you see them in these cinematic spectaculars. However, Part IV features two actors who are still working today, Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover. We get to see Corey as a pre-teen with all those drug addiction years ahead of him (he’s clean now, good for him), and he plays the young Tommy Jarvis who has a passion for making masks of all kind. Crispin Glover plays Jimmy, a man who has had no real luck with women. Throughout the movie, he gets woman advice from Ted (Lawrence Monoson) who seems to know everything about them. Guess who gets laid first. No, it’s not who you think…or maybe it is.

Of course, the one thing we do look forward to in these movies are the kills. Jason definitely gets some nasty cuts in they were most likely even more nasty until the MPAA came in and said:

“Uh, no I don’t think so.”

One of the classic moments in this film features a guy getting it right in the groin. Oh to be in a theater when this scene was displayed on the silver screen. It’s one of the few times where you can see a whole audience of men grab their crotches, thankful that it was not them who suddenly got turned into falsetto singers. There is a nice shower scene as well which ends with Jason doing his Norman Bates routine. It’s not as suspenseful as the original “Psycho,” but it sure as hell is a lot bloodier!

Much has been said over the years of how sexist towards women these movies are. Granted, there are some women (with very toned bodies no less) who are treated like sex objects with magnificent bodies to display, and who are out to seduce whatever men who end up locked in their sights. But at the same time, most of these movies feature women as being the bravest and most heroic of the bunch. They’re the ones who find the courage (even after they compete with Jaime Lee Curtis for the “Scream Queen” title) to defeat Jason after all others have failed (because they were busy making out or doing drugs). Why do critics keep forgetting that it’s usually a lone woman who is left alive after all this bloody carnage has reached its inevitable end?

Actually, I wonder why men don’t get more offended than women do at these movies. Most men in these slasher flicks are lucky if they makes it out alive before the end credits, and it’s usually thanks to the women they team up with. Men in these movies are usually portrayed as sexually challenged or socially inept. They come off as being ever so desperate to get laid like most men are, and they come off as profoundly idiotic. Some of them think they are born Casanovas, but their egos are quickly crushed, and they are brought down to earth eventually to realize that they are more likely to be teased by the ladies and fall for it. You think women have it bad in these films? Look at how the men are treated. They are treated like they think more about Mr. Happy more than anything else. Now even while most men do, there is always that one man in the bunch who is so unlucky with women that he has better things to worry about, such as surviving and killing Mr. Voorhees with that one good shot.

Why don’t men protest these movies the way women do? I tell ya, it’s bad enough having to go through puberty when you are also dealing with a mass murderer wearing a hockey mask. It’s not only the hormones that are jumping up all over the place, there’s also body parts of all kinds flying about in the air, not to mention all the blood that makes a mess of everything. Think of all the house painting and new wallpaper the homeowners will need to get once they get ready to rent out the house again!

It’s a kick to see such a young Corey Feldman here. To see him before he sadly felt into a nasty drug addiction (which he has since overcome) and before he did “The Goonies” and “The Lost Boys” does feel a little strange as we are so used to him as an older guy, and he does show promise in this sequel. Seeing him jumping up and down in his bed when he sees one of the women next door undress brings back a lot of memories. Just don’t ask me to tell you which ones, ha, ha, ha! Corey is actually pretty good here as he goes from innocent naïve young boy to a seriously disturbed boy as a result of witnessing Jason’s rampage. I also admired how fast he was in shaving off his hair so he could look like Jason as a boy, and he managed to do all this in record time while Jason was waving that rusty machete at his big sister. Give me another actor who could have made that seem somewhat believable, I dare ya!

Crispin Glover is also a big kick to watch in this movie, and I’m not sure he’s changed all that much since. We get to see him here before he hit it big as George McFly in “Back To The Future,” and before he got all those bizarre panic attacks about doing the sequels which he ended up dropping out of. Hopefully I’m not giving too much away, but he does score with the women in this one, and this had one audience member yelling out:

“YOU GO MCFLY!!”

You also gotta dig Glover’s nice spastic dance which more or less predated the break dancing era. No one dances like Crispin does, and no one else dies like he does in this movie. Could he be as strange as the characters he plays? Maybe so, but these days he seems to be using it to good effect. That voice of his never changes, but he has come a long way since his infamous David Letterman interview.

This “Friday The 13th” sequel is also notable as it is the last one Tom Savini did the makeup effects for. Having worked on many different horror films of the immensely gory kind like “Dawn Of The Dead” (the original) and “Maniac” among others, his work has a realism to it that is as uncomfortable as it is brutally effective. This is even more so when you look at the rest of the sequels in this series where the kills look utterly fake and are played for laughs more than anything else. Apparently, Savini based a lot of makeup work on what he saw as a combat photographer and soldier in Vietnam, so there is an authenticity to his work that many have to give him credit for. Whatever you think about Savini’s work, there’s no doubt that he is brilliant at what he does, and that other makeup artists have to work twice as hard to even come close to outdoing his bloody accomplishments.

The director for this particular sequel was Joseph Zito, and he has also directed such amazing B-movie classics like “Missing In Action,” “Invasion U.S.A.,” and “Red Scorpion.” Zito is one of those workmen like directors who gets the job done and gives the audience what they want. Other than that, his style of directing doesn’t really have any distinguishing characteristics to it. It takes a lot of movies produced by Cannon Pictures to keep a director like this working because he sure hasn’t done anything else outside of that. One of the last movies he directed was “Delta Force One: The Lost Patrol.” But if Zito really enjoys what he does, then I guess it shouldn’t matter too much what other people think of him.

Playing the immortal (whether you like it or not) Jason Voorhees in “The Final Chapter” is Ted White, but you almost wouldn’t know it since he had his name taken off the credits. Ted was selected for the role because he is a big guy (6’ 4” were talking), and he said that only did this movie because he needed the money. I’m sure that a “Friday The 13th” movie is not something you want to put at the top of your resume, especially when you’re playing a character whose face is hidden behind a hockey mask. But Ted, for what it’s worth, your Jason was one of the best and certainly one of the most threatening in this never ending series. From what I heard, you were not at all happy about working on this one, but please don’t think that this movie was a waste of your time. Remember, you could have been in “Jason X.”

And of course, you have Harry Manfredini’s music score which involves the endless wailing of woodwind instruments with the occasional trumpets and tubas blasting away at the climax of this endeavor. I wonder if there is any video of Harry conducting these scores with his orchestra. That would be a kick to see how he goes about conducting, let alone writing the score. I can see him telling the violinists to play all over the place, and that it won’t matter if it sounds off key as long as its really creepy sounding.

Look, no one is ever gonna mistake any of the “Friday the 13th” movies for great cinema, but nobody goes in expecting that either. “The Final Chapter” certainly wasn’t that, especially when you look into Tommy Jarvis’ eyes in the final moment (“The Omen,” eat your heart out). While this sequel is certainly dated stylistically, it actually holds up better than many of the others. This really was the last of this series that set out to be truly scary, and the series (for better and for worse) went downhill into comedy and pathetically ridiculous storylines. Even if it got a lot of the predictable hatred from film critics when it came out, it is nowhere as bad as some of the later entries, let alone many of the even cheaper knock offs it inspired in its path of success. It even looks much better when you compare to any movie over Part VI. I don’t really love these movies, but I do love watching them whenever they are on, especially when you’re watching it with an audience or a group of friends just so you can analyze how stupid the characters are.

“Friday The 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter” is a movie people will enjoy more than they ever care to admit. Call it a guilty pleasure if you will, but it is an entertaining one even if it “rots your brain” like others love to say. Any guy who tells you they hate these movies has got to be lying to a certain extent, especially when they are just going out the door to see the new “Saw” sequel. They’ll say it’s different, but c’mon! Who is you trying to fool?

**½ out of ****

aka Säge des Todes, Die
aka Profonde tenebre
aka Colegialas violadas

Director: Jess Franco

Cast: Olivia Pascal, Christopher Brugger, Alexander Waechter

Severin Films / Color / Unrated / NTSC R0 / Anamorphic Widescreen (1.85:1) / Dolby Digital Mono / English Dubbed / 81 mins

Manuela and disfigured Miguel are an incestuous brother and sister who go to live with their Aunt Maria who owns and operates Europe's International Youth-Club Boarding School of Languages (or the "EIYCBSoL" as we lazy Americans like to call it) after Miguel is released from the asylum after 5 years for sexually assaulting and murdering a young girl. Luckily for him, the school is nothing but nubile, young hotties! Auntie Maria doesn't like Manuela very much and tells her that even when she dies, Manuela will never inherit her estate and Miguel will be the sole heir. (READ MORE)

Director: Adam Wingard

Cast: Bill Moseley, Tiffany Shepis, Jeff Dylan Graham, Tom Towles

Synapse Films / Color / Unrated / NTSC R1 / Widescreen 1.85:1 / Dolby Digital Stereo / 89 mins

A couple reluctantly go over to a "friend's" house for a party but soon want to leave their unpleasant host's hospitality. Before they can, their soiree is interrupted by a man in a suit and tie carrying a briefcase. No one seems to know who he is or how he got there but he isn't shy about letting them know what he wants. He tells them that all they have to do is tell him who they hate and he will leave them alone. The party goers begin to tell him who they hate and as they do, he inexplicably cuts himself with razor blades from his case. True to his word, when the last person tells him who he hates (the rest of the people in the room), he leaves. (READ MORE)

Director: Roman Nowicki

Cast: Eliza Borecka, Katarzyna Zelnik, Magda Szymborska, Andrej Jass

Teraz Films / Color / NTSC R0 / Unrated / Varying Aspect Ratios / Dolby Stereo / Language: Polish / Subtitles: English / 90 min.

"WARNING: EXTREME EROTIC HORROR!!" boasts the cover of this Polish sleaze-filled, zero budget, giallo/slasher curiosity. Someone like me (and most of my readers) who is always looking for something different, entertaining and challenging, how could I not pick this up right away? Well, mostly due to my unfamiliarity with it. I have been seeing it, as well as its subsequent sequels, on different genre DVD websites for a couple of years but never pulled the trigger until now. The cover looks as lurid and boundary pushing as anything I have ever seen. And after reading the synopsis, I just had to see it. (READ MORE)

NOTE: This DVD cover is the Redemption UK Edition. Not the one I am reviewing. I just like it better.

Director: Alan Birkinshaw

Cast: Alison Elliott, Anthony Forrest, JoAnne Good, Tom Marshall, David Jackson, Jane Hayden

Redemption Films / NTSC R1 / Unrated / 1.66:1 Anamorphic Widescreen / Mono / 90 minutes

What would happen if the Brits took the backwoods raping and terrorizing of The Last House on the Left and a bit of the ol' ultra violence (and Droog outfits) from A Clockwork Orange but didn't stop there; what if they added a smidgen of sardonic, dry humor? That's what you get with Killer's Moon. But get this... all of that sleazy violence... it all happens to a group of innocent, barely pubescent high school choir girls. No shit! "Of course it's a dream! And stuffed full of jailbait!" <---- actual quote from the movie. (READ MORE)

DIRECTED BY
Nelson McCormick

STARRING
Brittany Snow - Donna Keppel
Johnathon Schaech - Richard Fenton
Idris Elba - Detective Winn
Dana Davis - Lisa Hines
Scott Porter - Bobby
Collins Pennie - Ronnie Heflin
Ming-Na - Dr. Elisha Crowe
Linden Ashby - Uncle Jack Turner

Year - 2008

Score - 1/2 Howl outta 4


We see it all over the news these days: "Teacher Busted In Seducing and Having Sex With His/Her Student." Everytime I watch the news, there's at least one story concerning this issue that will eventually turn into your Lifetime Movie-of-the-Week. I mean, what's the big deal? I had crushes on some hot teachers and would have done something with them. Sometimes the groin thinks before the brain, ya know? And I know of a certain High School teacher who had a thing for me and well...I'll leave it at that. At least she didn't become so obsessed with me that she would go off and murder my family! That would just be fucked up. And that's what happens to Donna Keppel at the beginning of "remake-by-name" PROM NIGHT. Personally, my situation with my teacher would have made a much better film than PROM NIGHT. At least my worries of catching syphillis would have been a lot scarier than this lame PG-13 feature [and I use that term loosely].

PLOT
Donna Keppel (Brittany Snow) comes home one night to find that her family was murdered by Richard Fenton (Johnathon Schaech), a teacher who has developed an unhealthy obsession with Donna. Puppy love...sigh. Anyway, he's caught, tried, convicted due to insanity, and sentenced to be locked away at some maximum security [ha ha ha] mental hospital many miles away to stay far away from Donna.

Three years pass and Donna seems to be doing okay with her life. However she's constantly reminded of Fenton, especially since her psychiatrist (Ming-Na) reminds Donna that he'll always have a psychic and emotional control over her. Who gave this nut a license? Anyway, Donna is given anti-anxiety medication in order to remain focused on college and the rest of her future...like PROM! Gee, nothing bad can happen there, can it?

Anyway, Donna prepares for prom with her boyfriend Bobby (Scott Porter) by getting her dress and her hair done! Like OMG! I hope someone doesn't wear the same dress! That would be so GOSSIP GIRL, yo! While Donna prepares for prom, she doesn't know that Mr. Fenton has escaped from the MAXIMUM SECURITY mental hospital and is travelling back to see Donna again to...well, I don't know what he wants to do with Donna really. Obviously he doesn't realize that murder isn't a turn-on for teenage girls, but I'm not a teenage girl so I wouldn't know. Anyway, the local cops led by Detective Winn (Idris Elba) find out about Fenton's escape and try and come up with something to protect Donna and stop Fenton from finishing what he started three years ago. This is one prom Donna will never forget!

REVIEW
I have three words for PROM NIGHT:

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Let me start off by saying that PROM NIGHT 2008 is NOT a remake of PROM NIGHT 1980, starring Jamie Lee Curtis and her booty-shaking ass during that disco sequence. It may have the same name, a prom setting, and a killer, but other than that, everything's different. I wasn't much out of this remake to begin with, since I'm still wondering why PROM NIGHT of all films even needs a remake. And after watching this film, I still have the same question because this movie is lame, lame, and uber-lame. And it's not even lame because it's a bad film. With a bad film, I would be able to bash it and entertain myself writing the review. But this film is worse than bad. It's LAZY. It just goes through the motions and uses every slasher movie cliche you've seen a million times before without any energy, suspense, or tension that makes those cliches work. How do I review a lazy film? It's pathetic.

Now the entire film isn't all that lazy. The opening sequence where Donna finds Fenton murdering her family, especially her mother, was actually quite gripping. There's a point in the film where Donna and her mother's eyes meet before the mother is killed and it's quite creepy. The emotional impact is there and you actually feel sorry for Donna, even though you don't know her that well yet. Here am I thinking that this film will get better from an effective opening like this. But nope, doesn't happen. It's treated like some afterthought, as if director Nelson McCormick used the moment as a stylistic tool rather than something you could base the rest of the film off and create a pretty decent remake that wasn't needed to begin with. I also found the chase scene between Fenton and Lisa to actually be quite involved and intense. It's not the best sequence I've ever seen but it's the best I could see from this film.

The rest of the film, not so much. McCormick doesn't bother with suspense, tension, or even HORROR. The film is not scary. The film is very predictable. I mean gee, who's gonna live and who's gonna die? Hmmm. There's barely any character development, except for maybe Donna, the detective, Fenton, and Lisa and Ronnie [who were the token black couple of the film and were NOT annoying like in other horror films]. Other than making money, what's the point of this film? Even the ending was horrible, as it should have been a showdown between Donna and Fenton, but it totally gets turned around and takes away all emotional impact and build up the film needed to get to its resolution. I had absolutely nothing to chew on and spit out when it came to the horrible script/story.

I also didn't like the fact that the rating is PG-13. A slasher film being PG-13 is like watching Jenna Jameson have sex with her clothes on. IT DOESN'T WORK! Supernatural horror can be PG-13. Slashers are meant to be R rating because what do we want from slashers?

Tits.

Ass.

Blood.

Gore.

While you do get some blood and a nice shot of some throat getting slit, you don't get anything else. Everyone stays covered and the murders aren't even that graphic to be all that effective. Sure, HALLOWEEN would be considered PG-13 now, but at least it was intelligent enough to grip you with its story and characters. PROM NIGHT doesn't bother. At least some decent kills would have made this watchable. But it fumbles and fails like a virgin getting laid for the first time on prom night. Not something you're gonna want to remember for the rest of your life, that's for sure.

Another issue I had? The police's treatment of Fenton's escape. They were concerned for Donna's well being, yet didn't want to upset her with the news because she made so much progress since the murders. Um...how are you gonna protect her

if you don't clue her

in on what's happening? Don't you think Fenton is gonna go straight for her and she's better off knowing before hand so she can prepare herself? It's called common fuckin' sense. USE IT! It's like the cops didn't care and made really boneheaded decisions. Yes, I understand this is a film but some intelligence wouldn't hurt, ya know?

Nelson McCormick isn't a good director. He just took a camera, moved it around to shoot the actors, did what he thought was good editing, and released the film with his name attached. That's not directing. A director, especially for a horror movie, would want to create moments of fear and terror. He would want to create suspense and uncertainty. He would want us to care about the characters he's visually showing us, making us want them to live. But he doesn't do that, so he's fails. Even Uwe Boll creates more tension in his films and they mostly suck. Like I said, nothing describes this film more than "lazy". And I felt bored watching it.

The acting, on the other hand, was actually decent. Brittany Snow, who many of us know from the TV show AMERICAN DREAMS and the films JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE, THE PACIFIER, and HAIRSPRAY, is very good in the film. She hits all the emotional stuff and is actually a pleasure to watch onscreen from beginning to end. Her character was barely there but she did what she could with it and I appreciated it. Plus she's really cute. Someone has a crush...sigh. I'm hoping she does a much better film worthy of her talents because she's too good for this remake. Johnathon Schaech looked and talked creepy, but his character was so bland that he just came off as a generic nutjob who likes hunting pretty people and killing them. I had no emotional connection to the guy at all. Michael Myers, who doesn't even talk, has more personality than this dude just by breathing. That's pretty sad. Idris Elba, who I am a fan of from his work in 28 WEEKS LATER and DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS, suffers from having a poorly written character. He should have looked like a hero but ended up looking foolish instead. It sucks because I like the guy alot and he deserved better than this. Fire your agent, dude. Everyone else did what they were supposed to do, which wasn't all that much. They all try to create meat out of bones, and I can't fault anyone for that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM RE-EXPERIENCING PROM NIGHT

- PG-13 prom nights suck. No sex? Fuck that!

- Johnathon Schaech was a pretty lame villain. If this is his way of winning back Christina Applegate, then I realize why she divorced him in the first place.

- I saw this film for free. Either that makes me incredibly smart, or everyone else who paid to see this is very stupid. [No offense to those who did...I kid]

- Makes me long for the original PROM NIGHT. At least that film had a disco ball and a catchy theme song.
Prom Night...everything is alright...bom bom bom bom...

THE FINAL HOWL
PROM NIGHT 2008 is a rebounding failure. Sure the acting was decent and two scenes were watchable, but it just reminds you just how great those 80s slashers were back in the day. You'd think Hollywood would learn from those films and actually make a good one for THE HILLS' generation. Sure it'll make money [it was number one opening weekend, sigh] but you can't buy dignity, remembrance, or greatness with all the money in the world. Off to the WTF? Vault with you, PROM NIGHT. I'm sure Nelson McCormick will bring another film inside with his next film, the remake of THE STEPFATHER. Damn, I think I'm gonna need a bigger vault.

Oh yeah...dance the night away and...

KISS MY ASS!