Sony Classic Pictures recently send us over stills and official trailer for Robert Redford's new film "The Company You Keep". The film features an all star cast that includes Redford, Shia LaBeouf, Julie Christie, Sam Elliott, Brendan Gleeson, Terrence Howard, Richard Jenkins, Anna Kendrick, Brit Marling, Stanley Tucci, Nick Nolte, Chris Cooper and Susan Sarandon. "The Company You Keep" hits theaters on April 5th.

For more information on this film, you can visit the film's official website at: http://www.sonyclassics.com/thecompanyyoukeep/

Plot Synopsis:

Jim Grant (Robert Redford) is a public interest lawyer and single father raising his daughter in the tranquil suburbs of Albany, New York. Grant's world is turned upside down,when a brash young reporter named Ben Shepard (Shia LaBeouf) exposes his true identity as a former 1970s antiwar radical fugitive wanted for murder. After living for more than 30 years underground, Grant must now go on the run. With the FBI in hot pursuit, he sets off on a cross-country journey to track down the one person that can clear his name.

Shepard knows the significance of the national news story he has exposed and, for a journalist, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Hell-bent on making a name for himself, he is willing to stop at nothing to capitalize on it. He digs deep into Grant's past. Despite warnings from his editor and threats from the FBI, Shepard relentlessly tracks Grant across the country.

As Grant reopens old wounds and reconnects with former members of his antiwar group, the Weather Underground, Shepard realizes something about this man is just not adding up. With the FBI closing in, Shepard uncovers the shocking secrets Grant has been keeping for the past three decades. As Grant and Shepard come face to face in the wilderness of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, they each must come to terms with who they really are.

"The Company You Keep": Official Trailer

“Lawless” is based on a non-fiction book “The Wettest County in the World” by Matt Bondurant. The story takes place in prohibition era, where alcohol was illegal. The Bondurant Boys (Tom Hardy, Shia LaBeouf, Jason Clarke) and a mysterious woman (Jessica Chastain) run one of the most well known bootlegging businesses in Franklin County, Virgina. Their reputation is threaten when a corrupt special deputy (Guy Pierce) want a piece of their sales and is willing get it anyway he can. The Bondurant boys must find a way to stop the corrupt deputy, before he ruins their business.

Film Review:

Going into this film, I was expecting the film to have more action sequences. It wasn’t the case, as I didn’t realize until later that this film was based on a true story. I was surprised that I enjoyed this film as much I did given my expectations.

One of the reasons this film worked for me so well was John Hillcoat’s direction. I liked how, he was able to capture everything on the screen. From the time period to the way that he approaches each scene, Hillcoat does a very good job getting everything to work from a direction standpoint. It’s those things that helps make this film very entertaining. The other thing that I liked about his direction was that he’s able to get very good performances out of his main cast. I thought Shia Lebouf , Tom Hardy , Guy Pierce, Gary Oldman and Jessica Chastian worked very well together. Hillcoat does a very good job making their performances gel together. He does that, by making the sure the characters have personality. From the way the lines were delivered to the way the actors approached their characters, Hillcoat does a very good job making the characters and the story interesting.

The major difference between this film and Hillcoat’s last film “The Road” was the fact that rocker Nick Cave handles the screenplay duties like he did in Hillcoat’s 2005 film “The Proposition”. Cave does a very good job with the source material that he’s given. One of the things that I liked about his screenplay, he does a very good job making the characters interesting. Whether it’s giving the characters personality or developing them, Cave does a very good job bring them to life. It helped me enjoy this film a lot, considering I had different expectations. The other thing that the screenplay does well, it builds tension to the initial climax. The reason that it works, Cave does a very good job making you care about the characters. It made the scenes interesting and grabs your attention from a story standpoint.

The only that I didn’t like about this film was the fact that Gary Oldman didn’t have a bigger role, as he was very good as the mobster Floyd Banner. But still, I really enjoyed this film for the performances and John Hillcoat’s direction.

Blu-Ray Extras:

First on the Blu-Ray is the film’s audio commentary track, which features director John Hillcoat and Matt Bondurant, author of “The Wettest County in the World”. This was a very good commentary track. I liked how both of them go into the production of film and talk about how much of the film is based on the book. It gives you insight into both the film and what was done differently from the book. Overall, a very good commentary track.

After the audio commentary track, you have the film’s behind the scenes featurette “The True Story of the Wettest County in the World”. The featurette goes into the back-story of the film and features interviews from the cast and crew talking about the production of the film. This was good, as you get both some historical information about the subjects of the film and you get hear the cast talk about the film. It was an interesting featurette on both levels.

The next two featurette focuses on the historical information that this film is based on. Both of the featurettes do a very good job going to the history behind the film. The first featurette is “Franklin County, VA: Then and Now”. The featurette goes into the history of that time period in that area. It talks about the bootlegging of alcohol that took place in the town during the prohibition era and how the county is surviving today. The other historical featurette is “The Story of the Bondurant Family”. This goes in-depth into the Bondurant brothers, which is told by the book’s author Mark Bondurant. It gives a lot of information on the each of the brothers and relationships between them. It also features images of the Bondurant family, as they were during that time period.

After those featurettes, the disc wraps up with Willie Nelson’s “Midnight Run” music video and deleted scenes.

Final Summary:

“Lawless” is one of the best films that I’ve seen this year. With great direction from John Hillcoat and excellent performances from the cast, “Lawless” is one of those films that may end up on my top 10 list.

Review Rating: Five Stars

Blu-Ray Extras: Four Stars

Anchor Bay Films and The Weinstein Company announced recently that John Hillcoat's latest film "Lawless" will be hitting DVD and Blu-Ray on November 27th. The film was nominated for an illustrious Palme d’Or at the 2012 Cannes International Film Festival and stars Shia LaBeouf (Transformers franchise, Disturbia), Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises, Inception), Academy Award® nominee Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Dark Knight Rises), Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland, Jane Eyre), Academy Award® nominee Jessica Chastain (Coriolanus, The Help) and Emmy® winner Guy Pearce (Mildred Pierce, The King’s Speech

DVD and Blu-Ray special features include an audio commentary with Director John Hillcoat and Author Matt Bondurant; two featurettes: “The True Story of the Wettest County In The World” and “Franklin County, VA: Then and Now”; Willie Nelson’s “Midnight Run” music video; and deleted scenes.

For more information on this film, you can visit the film's official website at: http://lawless-film.com/

Anchor Bay Entertainment and The Weinstein Company announced today the Blu-ray™ Combo Pack and DVD release of the critically acclaimed film, LAWLESS, from director John Hillcoat (The Road, The Proposition). Written by musician, composer and screenwriter, Nick Cave (The Proposition), inspired by the 2008 biographical novel The Wettest County In The World, LAWLESS follows the bootlegging Bondurant Brothers on their quest for the American Dream in Prohibition-era Virginia. Featuring an all-star cast that includes Shia LaBeouf (Transformers franchise, Disturbia), Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises, Inception), Academy Award® nominee Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Dark Knight Rises), Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland, Jane Eyre), Academy Award® nominee Jessica Chastain (Coriolanus, The Help) and Emmy® winner Guy Pearce (Mildred Pierce, The King’s Speech), LAWLESS heads to retail on November 27, 2012 for an SRP of $39.99 for the Blu-ray™ Combo Pack and $29.98 for the DVD.

LAWLESS, which was nominated for an illustrious Palme d’Or at the 2012 Cannes International Film Festival, also stars Jason Clarke (Texas Killing Fields, the upcoming The Great Gatsby) and Dane DeHaan (Chronicle, The Place Beyond the Pines).

The Hollywood Reporter called LAWLESS “A gritty and suspenseful bootlegger tale.” Added film critic, Richard Roeper, in his Reelz Channel review, LAWLESS is “A hell of an entertaining movie, I give it an ‘A’!” Wrote Paste magazine film critic, Tyler Chase, “Lawless blends stylish originality with genre standards into a mixture as potent and explosive as Virginia moonshine.”

They were brothers who became outlaws, and outlaws who became heroes... The three Bondurant boys (Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy, Jason Clarke), along with their sultry new hire (Jessica Chastain), command the most lucrative bootlegging operation in Franklin County, Virginia. The locals consider them “indestructible.” But the law — in the form of a corrupt special deputy (Guy Pearce) — wants a cut of their action, at any cost. When youngest brother Jack (LaBeouf) gets a taste of power with a deadly gangster (Gary Oldman), the whole business blows sky high. Based on the astonishing true story, the Bondurant brotherhood is the stuff of legend.

The LAWLESS Blu-ray™ Combo Pack and DVD special features include an audio commentary with Director John Hillcoat and Author Matt Bondurant; two featurettes: “The True Story of the Wettest County In The World” and “Franklin County, VA: Then and Now”; Willie Nelson’s “Midnight Run” music video; and deleted scenes. Note: Special features are subject to change.

Learn more about LAWLESS at: http://lawless-film.com/

The Weinstein Company recently released character poster for their upcoming film "Lawless", which recently premiered at this year's Cannes Film Festival. The film boasts an all star cast that includes Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Mia Wasikowska, Gary Oldman, and Guy Pearce. "Lawless" is slated to hit theaters on August 31st.

For more information on this film, you can visit the film's official website at: http://lawless-film.com

Plot Synopsis

LAWLESS is the true story of the infamous Bondurant Brothers: bootlegging siblings who made a run for the American Dream in Prohibition-era Virginia. In this epic gangster tale, inspired by true-life tales of author Matt Bondurant's family in his novel "The Wettest County in the World", the loyalty of three brothers is put to the test against the backdrop of the nation's most notorious crime wave.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Year: 2010

Director: Oliver Stone

Stars: Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf, Carey Mulligan

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Running Time: 136 Mins

It’s been twenty-three years since Oliver Stone went into the inside world of stock trading and corruption in the financial sector in “Wall Street“. Now fast forward to 2010 when the financial sector has come under more scrutiny than ever before, Oliver Stone revisits one of the classic films, with the long awaited sequel “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”.

The sequel takes place where the global economy is on the brink of completely collapsing. Soon a young wall street trader (Shis LaBeouf) must form a relationship with a disgraced former corporate raider Gorden Gekko (Michael Douglas), when he thinks that someone had something to do with his mentor suicide. Soon he realizes that Gekko want use to help repair his relationship with his daughter (Carey Mulligan) and return to dominates that he once had on Wall Street. Frank Langella, Susan Sarandon and Josh Brolin costar.

Going into “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”, I was hoping that the film wouldn’t be like the original and be enjoyable, as it’s hard to follow up a film that is a true classic. Thankfully, this movie holds its own like the original.

For all the controversy that Oliver Stone endures with most of his films, he always still finds a way to make his films entertaining. One of the things that made “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” a very entertaining film, the way that Stone does a good job keeping the film moving. I noticed in some reviews that the film moved at a sluggish pace. I didn’t get a sense of that here. To Stone’s credit, he doesn’t make you fall asleep especially in the parts that Douglas is not on screen. He directs at a pace, so that you don’t get too confuse with all the Wall Street jargon that goes on. By doing that, it doesn’t get too complicated ot the point that you lose track with everything that’s going on. Another thing that Stone does well, the was he handles the acting. There’s an old saying, acting helps a movie that is good, great. It’s true here. Stone does a very good job directing the acting aspects here considering that Shia LaBeouf is the film’s lead. I’m not a big LaBeouf fan considering that I sat through a mediocre Transformers film and two horrible films (Transformers 2 and Indiana Jones IV) and remember saying that he can’t act for nothing. Well, it was probably the films that he was in, because I admit that he was very good here. Some of it maybe was the fact that he’s working with a accomplish director, but he shows that he can make a character interesting and entertaining given the right role. He also does a good job holding his own in the scenes that he’s in with Douglas, as they was chemistry that helps move the film along. Speaking of Michael Douglas, there’s no Wall Street movie without him and his character. He does it again with Gordon Gekko. He always makes the character very entertaining considering that the character is in a dark place in the beginning of the film. I like how Douglas adapts the changes that the character is going through, as you don’t get the Gordon Gekko from the first film, until midway through the second half. It’s the way that Douglas plays the character, which makes you forget the slimiest of the character for most of the first half.

The screenplay written by Allan Loeb and Stephen Schiff does a good job improving on the original. One of the things that I liked about it, it doesn’t try to be like the first film. They do that by focusing the story with the current economic times and various subplots instead of turning this into the Gordon Gekko show, which could have easily been considering how popular the character is. The writers also do a good job developing the various subplots. I liked how the writers spend the time to develop everything in this film. I liked how they handled everything from Gordon Gekko’s struggle to repair his relationship with his daughter to him struggling with life after prison. It made the various plots interesting and that’s because they fully developed to the point that you care about everything that goes on.

This was very entertaining sequel to a classic film, as the lead performances is what makes this film very good. “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” is an entertaining drama that keeps your interest to the point that fans of the original will enjoy.

Review Rating: Five Stars

20th Century Fox recently released the official trailer for Oliver Stone's new film, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Michael Douglas is back in his Oscar®-winning role as one of the screens most notorious villains, Gordon Gekko. Emerging from a lengthy prison stint, Gekko finds himself on the outside of a world he once dominated. Looking to repair his damaged relationship with his daughter, Gekko forms an alliance with her fiancé Jacob (Shia LaBeouf), and Jacob begins to see him as a father figure. But Jacob learns the hard way that Gekko still a master manipulator and player is after something very different from redemption.

Starring: Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf, Josh Brolin, Carey Mulligan, Susan Sarandon, and Frank Langella

Directed By: Oliver Stone

"Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps": Official Trailer

DIRECTED BY
D.J. Caruso

STARRING
Shia LeBeouf - Jerry Shaw/Ethan Shaw
Michelle Monaghan - Rachel Holloman
Rosario Dawson - Agent Zoe Perez
Billy Bob Thornton - Agent Thomas Morgan
Michael Chiklis - Defense Secretary Callister

Genre - Action/Thriller

Running Time - 118 Minutes

Score - 2 Howls Outta 4


There are people who we can't see who are watching out every move. Whether we're walking, driving, eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom - our private lives are becoming more public. This is due to the advancement in modern technology, especially when it comes to cameras and now cellphones that can record photos and videos. We see it all the time - from reality shows, to those programs that show police chases and outrageous moments, to the massive popularity of YouTube and others like it. While new technology is great, the negatives are becoming more obvious. It appears our future society will be increasingly voyeuristic.

But what if this technology boom goes to a place where it's able to control our every move and our every word via threats on our lives? Can computers really grow a brain and indulge in the corruption of power? The Steven Spielberg produced EAGLE EYE attempts to answer that question. While there's much to see in EAGLE EYE, the reasons as to why you should are very limited.

PLOT
Jerry Shaw (Shia LeBeouf) is your typical slacker who happens to be a Stanford University dropout who works at a copy store. While dealing with his twin brother's, Ethan's, death, he finds out he has about $750,000 in his ATM account. Yeah, this sounds awesome - until he returns home to find a whole bunch of illegal weapons and bomb making material that most terrorists would envy to own. All of a sudden, Jerry starts receiving phone calls from a female voice (an uncredited Julianne Moore) telling if that if he doesn't escape his apartment in 30 seconds, the feds will arrest him. Jerry listens and goes on the run.

At the same time, a single mother named Rachel (Michelle Monaghan) sends her son on a trip for some band camp thing. While hanging out with her friends, her "son" calls her. The caller happens to be the same caller who's haunting Jerry, making the two meet each other and carry out its dirty work. Along the way, FBI Agents Thomas Morgan (Billy Bob Thornton) and Zoe Perez (Rosario Dawson) attempt to hunt Jerry and Rachel down, until they finally learn that technology has completely taken over humankind.

REVIEW
Eh. That's really how to describe EAGLE EYE. Sure it has actions and thrills, but underneath it all is an extremely flawed and convoluted story that deteriorates as soon as it reaches the last half. This is the type of film where the brain will need to be turned off if you want to really enjoy this. Say what you want about Michael Bay action flicks, but at least they have some sort of story that works along with the action. This one really has none.

EAGLE EYE pretty much takes devices used by other films such as TERMINATOR, NORTH BY NORTHWEST, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, and so on - puts them in a blender and attempts to create a coherent action film. And as much as there is a smudge of an attempt of social commentary about the negatives of technology in the future [which has been done to death by the films I mentioned above - and done BETTER], EAGLE EYE is no George Orwell's 1984. The story has too many flaws to overlook and it just nags at you throughout the 2 hour running time [which feels a half hour too long in itself]. Seriously, why would such a superior technological entity who is able to control every technological device in the free world want humans to help it rule the world by dragging them through such a wild goose chase? Why would it need slaves if it can work itself? Couldn't the computer just taken over the world without anyone really knowing and made things easier for itself? Why play God? It makes no friggin' sense if you really think about it. Even the computer's main goal was ridiculous and illogical. HAL 9000 could kick this bitch's ass! Sure, we get decent action sequences out of it, but that doesn't create suspense or thrills. Especially when we barely know who the main characters are or why they happened to be chosen for this role. There's no real character development at all here for anyone in this film. I thought the supercomputer controlling them all had more personality than the humans. Without a level of intimacy and understanding who these characters are, why should we care what happens to them? Because it could happen to us? Big deal. I'd probably be two steps ahead of this supercomputer and figure how to stop it before any of these idiots would. Any thinking person would be able to figure it all out fairly quickly. Or anyone who has seen TERMINATOR anyway. It's amazing that FOUR screenwriters scripted this movie, yet nothing about the film was remotely original. Wow.

Like I said, the action is pretty good. Cars explode. Military hardware is used alot. There's a nighttime chase. Nothing that we haven't seen before. At least the action is entertaining somewhat and the film never really slows down to bore you. It looks good. Nothing more I can really say about it.

D.J. Caruso, who also directed Shia LeBeouf in the much better DISTURBIA, tries to emulate what Michael Bay has done in all of his action films and only mildly succeeding. The film looks polished. The action sequences are shot well. But the shaky-cam effect is in the house again, as well as a lot of unneeded closeups, and quick cuts. And unlike in DISTURBIA, there is no suspense or tension at all here. Someone needs to tell the dude that showing shit exploding on screen doesn't substitute two important elements in a thriller. When an action film doesn't display any amount of heart and soul and just ends up being cold and standoffish, what's the point?

The acting is what you would expect from this great cast. Nothing surprising here. Shia LeBeouf plays Shia LeBeouf again, but with facial hair to make him look older. The guy is a good actor and he's likeable in every film he's in, but the guy needs to join Ellen Page and try a new act. It's getting pretty boring by now. Let's end the typecasting now, Shia. Michelle Monaghan is cute but doesn't do much for me here, honestly. She plays her role well enough but never takes it to the next level. She and LeBeouf don't have romantic chemistry, which isn't needed here anyway, but they don't share much on-screen buddy chemistry either. I dunno...the two just didn't click for me. Billy Bob Thornton plays the same imbrasive character he normally plays, but it's more subdued while still being slightly funny. He's really the highlight of the film in his federal agent role. Rosario Dawson does enough with the material she's given. And Michael Chiklis is totally wasted here as the Secretary of Defense. He disappears for like half the film before popping up again to remind everyone he's still part of the story. Um, okay. And is that Ethan Embry I saw? Why is this dude not getting meatier roles?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BREAKING MY EVIL CELL PHONE FOR PLAYING "MY HEART WILL GO ON" AS A RINGTONE OVER AND OVER AGAIN

- Julianne Moore is the voice of the supercomputer. Now I know who's behind all those annoying telemarketing calls I get. It's not my fault HANNIBAL sucked!

- The game Rock Band was advertised in the film. It only made me want to play Rock Band 2 rather than wasting my time watching this. At least my awesome vocal abilities on The Sweet's "Action!" are a lot more entertaining than any of the action in this film.

- Rachel's kid plays the trumpet. As a former trumpet player myself, he's already cool in my book. Unless he plays the human trumpet...then I can't really comment on that due to my lack of experience. Learn something from this, Sarah Palin!

THE FINAL HOWL
EAGLE EYE is crap. But it's entertaining crap that happens to manage itself into an average popcorn, dumb-as-rocks movie. While it made $30 million at the weekend box office, save your money for a much better movie. This one can wait until DVD, where it belongs. Let's pray these actors star in a much better film worthy of their talents because EAGLE EYE is mainly for the paycheck. Want the corruption of technology? Watch 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. Want to be Paris Hilton for two hours? Watch EAGLE EYE. The choice is yours.

“Transformers”

2007

** out of ****
Director: Michael Bay

Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel

Earlier this week, I had a fight with some kid about how “Transformers” pretty much sucks ass. Their reason to this was that the robots were cool. Now first off, I could say that the robots were cool, but that would be giving Michael Bay a compliment, and there is no way in hell I’m going to do that after spending two and a half hours watching “Pearl Harbor.” The robots looked faker than Kevin Federline’s rapping skills. If “Transformers” really was so great, then let’s have an actual plot to the story.

And since there isn’t one, I’m going to do my best at it.

Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is the great grandson of the late great Witwicky. I forget what he done and really could give two shits anyway so it’s not really relevant to the plot. He sells all of his great grandfather’s old items though on eBay, so Sam can give two-thousand dollars to his dad to buy him a new car. It turns out that the yellow Camaro that Sam picks out is shitty, and it works when it wants to (or when Sam is being a little bitch, the car slaps the living shit out of him and wakes him up) and doesn’t work when someone disrespects it. Sam uses the car to pick up on the girl Mikaela (Megan Fox), who has secrets of her own that don’t involve lots of makeup.

We later find out (and by we, I mean Sam and Mikaela) that his yellow Camaro is not only a shitty and sensitive car, but a robot in disguise called Bumblebee, and who wouldn’t have guessed its name? Bumblebee is an Autobot, a team of robots that disguise themselves as cars. There are others too that we meet – Jazz, an Autobot that acts like he’s a white version of Dr. Dre; Ironhide, an Autobot that uses “Dirty Harry” phrases to make him sound tough; Ratchet, a boring and pretty unused character; and Optimus Prime, the leader of the group and the only one that actually seems like a hero. These Autobots are looking for Allspark, before the Decepticons (mainly the leader Megatron) get their hands on it.

If you saw this film and didn’t understand the Allspark, well, good. That was the point and you guys weren’t smart enough to realize it. The Allspark is a MacGuffin, a term used by the cinematic god Alfred Hitchcock as a plot device that is only mentioned to drive the plot, but it doesn’t affect the plot whatsoever. Unfortunately, Michael Bay thinks he’s the next Hitchcock and he tries to act like none of us will notice it by asking questions on what was the point of it. The Allspark is just driving us to the action and CGI scenes, or also called “Michael Bay’s Only Talent and It Still Isn’t Good Enough.”

Even the action scenes aren’t anything special. He doesn’t break any new ground with it. It’s the standard gun shots, shakey cam (and there’s a lot of it, and you guys know that I didn’t like “The Bourne Ultimatum”), explosions, and slow motion that you’ve seen in his other movies (and “Pearl Harbor;” I’m sorry but I refuse to call it a movie). And go ahead, say or even THINK the words “Well, it’s not supposed to be ‘The Godfather.’” Well first off, I kind of think “The Godfather” is overrated to begin with, but that’s a whole other story. Secondly, help me out here. It’s supposed to be an action movie right? Where robots are fighting? I’m sorry, but where did they fight? I saw them bitch-slap each other a few times, but that’s about it. All of that hype and I get bitch-slapping is just plain wrong.

Could you guys also tell me what was so action-packed about it? Did you guys LOOK at it the way I did? It is three genres put into one movie, dammit. It’s supposed to be an action movie, but it is more of a comedy of robot’s fighting and there is way too much whining about Shia LaBeouf’s character’s love life. And did you see his eBay user name? His character doesn’t only feel like it has came onto the wrong movie set, but it feels like that Michael Bay wanted his character to be misogynic and a pervert at the same exact time. Action movies are supposed to be filled with action that makes you go “wow” and “ooooh,” but all that “Transformers” made me do was “God” and “boo.”

And Christ, even Bay knows that we don’t give a flying fuck about the characters. He knows that we came more for fighting robots than the characters, so why work on character development? You don’t believe that, “Transformer” fans? Well a perfect example is Mikaela’s character. We don’t know that she had a criminal record until an hour and thirty minutes into the movie. Michael Bay and Tyler Perry would have a lot in common if they really met up with each other. Maybe I can look forward to their next movie called “Madea’s Final Revenge;” taking place in Atlanta, Madea finds out that drug dealers are making a big deal in her neighborhood. The movie will include lots and lots of shakey-cam, and in the last five minutes of the movie we find out that Madea is really a guy dressed up in a fat old lady’s outfit, and coming out of costume is… Martin Lawrence. AHA! ANOTHER MICHAEL BAY TWIST!

I couldn’t even complain about all action and blow-ups, you know. That is if the action was good and realistic and it didn’t get in the way of everything else that was going on. Notice how I never bitched once about the action scenes in “28 Weeks Later,” “Live Free or Die Hard,” “Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer,” and “Pirates of the Caribbean 3,” and I’ll even throw “Rush Hour 3” in there to make it seem like I’m one tasteless motherfucker. I listed those five films for the reason that their action scenes never got into the way of the plot. Instead, “28 Weeks Later” was actually effective and emotional (unlike “Transformers”), the action in “Die Hard” WAS the plot, “Silver Surfer” was fun at least, “Pirates of the Caribbean” was properly built up to the action sequences, and “Rush Hour 3” was funny. That is why I gave them all positive ratings. The opposite is why I gave “Transformers” a negative one.

But I give credit where credit is due, and just because it is a Michael Bay movie doesn’t mean I won’t do that now. You guys know that I love blockbusters with a kickass cast, and Michael Bay (and yes, I’m going to acclaim him for this) doesn’t do that any better than anyone else in Hollywood. That was the only reason that I call “Armageddon” a movie, you know. Shia LaBeouf, Hollywood’s young leading guy, is alright, but only was casted for his popularity. Megan Fox was also miscast. There are tons of cameos, but I’m not going into them. I feel like I’ve already said enough as to why you should not see this.

Do you guys know why “Transformers” made so much money? Its name. One hundred dollars says that. It’s not even a “Transformers” movie. It’s Michael Bay’s wet-dreams at three in the morning. Oh, and its Steven Spielberg’s name that gives it credit for making at least one hundred million of it’s gross. There is no way in hell that “Transformers” makes a good movie. Most cinema goers will like “Transformers,” but Jesus Christ and his Mexican brother Quentin Tarantino, you guys would like ninety minutes of nothing but a bare ass if it was put in front of you on a silver plate (AHAHAHAH “Idiocracy” reference!!!!!!).

As soon as Michael Bay sticks a finger up his ass-crack and pulls out a good movie, THAT is when I will be impressed. Until then, I’ll watch movies that are worth a damn and don’t involve lubricant to have fun with.