DIRECTED BY
Samuel Bayer

STARRING
Jackie Earle Haley - Freddy Krueger
Rooney Mara - Nancy Holbrook
Kyle Gallner - Quentin O'Grady
Katie Cassidy - Kris Fowles
Thomas Dekker - Jesse Braun
Kellan Lutz - Dean Russell
Clancy Brown - Alan Smith
Connie Britton - Gwen Holbrook

Genre - Horror/Slasher

Running Time - 95 Minutes

Score - 1 Howl Outta 4


In 1984, Wes Craven unleashed his horror masterpiece to an unsuspecting audience: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. The idea of a killer murdering you in your dreams was an original, and downright frightening, idea that gave many people nightmares once the film was over. It created a horror icon in Freddy Krueger, played perfectly with malicious glee by Robert Englund, and since has brought us 6 sequels [7 if you consider 2003's FREDDY VS. JASON as part of the NIGHTMARE timeline] that had varied levels of success both creatively and commercially.

With the mega-success of FREDDY VS. JASON, I was hoping it would steer away ideas of a future remake for the franchise, as that film revigorized the character and had potential to bring in other horror icons into the mix for some entertaining times. Unfortunately, that was not to be. Sequel discussions for FvJ went down by the wayside. And the fact that other major horror franchises were being "rebooted" such as THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, HALLOWEEN, and FRIDAY THE 13TH, it was inevitable that A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET would get its own makeover.

Now I don't hate remakes. In fact, I feel many horror films could use updates because the ideas could be improved upon or they're just outdated and could use a modern touch. However, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET was one of those films that didn't need a remake. It's still as fantastic as it was 26 years ago and doesn't need improvement. But it was announced and nothing could be done about it. Jackie Earle Haley of LITTLE CHILDREN and WATCHMEN was playing Krueger, plus a good cast of young actors gave me hope that the film could be a bit decent. But then I forgot that Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes, producers of some of the worst remakes in history, was behind this, dashing those hopes.

But I saw A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010 with an open mind, hoping it would be as close to the original sequels as possible. Unfortunately, the film is a massive disappointment on many levels.

PLOT
Every horror fan knows the plot to this film. Several teenagers from Springwood, Ohio are having nightmares of the same burnt man with a single glove that's highlighted with razor sharp knives. It turns out this man is Fred Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley), a former groundskeeper at a pre-school who supposedly molested and possibly murdered some of the students. The parents of these children lynched Freddy by burning him, supposedly ending the terror. But now Freddy has gained supernatural abilities that allow him to step inside the dream world, attacking his former students (who are now High Schoolers) for telling on him. And if he kills you in your dreams, you die for real. Can Freddy be stopped or will the nightmares continue?

REVIEW

I wasn't expecting much out of this remake. And my expectations were pretty much met. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010 is an extremely disappointing revision of a classic film that's still highly regarded for being creative, memorable, and downright chilling. None of those adjectives work for the remake, as it's uninspired, forgettable, and overall lazy as hell. What went so wrong with this film?

Let's start with the main culprit: the screenplay. Now let me get the positives out of the way. I liked the idea of the "micro-nap". This is a legit phenomenon, as we micro-nap whenever we feel drowsy or daydream [or zone out]. It's never been addressed in the other films, so I thought it was clever to see how powerful sleep is. There's no way to escape dreaming even if you stay up for days on end. The exhaustion will take over no matter what, making one vulnerable to Freddy's attack. It definitely helped pick up the last half of the film, especially in the supermarket scene, which I actually liked. I do wish the idea of "what's real and what's not" when it came to this sub-plot was explored deeper. It was easy to tell when it was real and when it was a dream. I think it should have blurred the lines a bit more to really make it an effective narrative tool.

I also appreciate that there was an attempt to revise the Freddy origin. The question of whether he was innocent of pedophilia was an interesting one. Am I a fan of this direction? No, as I feel Freddy would have revelled in raping and murdering children. After all, he was the son of a 100 maniacs. He has every right to be an evil bastard. But I was okay with the fact that maybe he was burned for all the wrong reasons - if the screenwriters had actually let that simmer until the very end. Instead, it's brought up and then revealed right away that he was guilty as sin. What's the point in even bringing it up then if you're just gonna give it away so quickly? Again, it was an appealing attempt but it wasn't executed well enough to have any sort of impact.

As for the rest of the story itself, it's pretty much "been there-done that". It's so generic that I felt better off just watching the original. In fact, it's the same exact shit! I thought the point of a remake is to not only stay true to the source material, but actually change things up enough so the old story feels new again? This remake doesn't really do that. In fact, when I see the same scenes taken from the original and they're done WORSE than in 1984, a part of me dies inside.

But yeah, the script was very pedestrian. No character development for much of anyone in this film. People get killed and do the other characters really react to it? No, they're more concerned about themselves and how Freddy will kill them. For a group of friends, they seemed really disconnected from each other. And they were all interchangable. Yeah, some were more of a douchebag than others, but they were all pretty much stereotypes. I expect that in a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie, not in a NIGHTMARE film. Freddy Krueger obviously was the most developed (with Quentin and Nancy right behind him), but even he could have used more fleshing out. The dialogue was bland and awkward at times, as everyone sounded the same for the most part. The scene where Nancy and Quentin confront Nancy's mother was just bizarre. It felt so forced and the information given SHOULD have been effective. But it just made me roll my eyes and laugh. What a waste. I mean, you had EIGHT films to work from and we're given this? I honestly didn't give a fuck about anyone in this film and I was rooting for Freddy the whole time. That doesn't make me sadistic. That makes me smart enough to know that the screenplay sucked.

Then we have the CGI. Wow, this CGI looked really cheap. The scene where Freddy invades through the wall as he attempts to scare Nancy looks terrible in comparison to the scene in the original. It was like a cartoon! And the Tina death scene that's recreated for one of the characters is also lame in comparison. In the original, it was dragged out and looked really brutal and realistic, making it highly effective. Here, the death plays out and then the character is pretty much bouncing off walls like it's a pinball machine and gets slashed. The end. Ugh. I will say some of the transitions between reality and the dream were nicely done, especially in the supermarket scene and the scene at the jailhouse. And I enjoyed seeing the body bag scene again. I just felt that the effects should have been more organic as the CGI just hurt the film more than it helped it. When the effects for FREDDY VS. JASON, which were done in CGI by the way, look more big budget and actually enhanced the film and story more than a reboot does seven years later, something went wrong when it came to the special effects unit.

And for a rated R movie, it sure lacked in nudity and gore. I don't consider seeing Kyle Gallner in a speedo sexually stimulating. Now if Katie Cassidy was in her underwear, that would have been something! And the kills were bland. No creativity whatsoever.

The direction by Samuel Bayer was hit and miss for me. Let me just say that I thought the film had nice cinematography. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010 is a pretty film, with nice polish and beautiful framing and composition. I think it may have been too polished for a film like this, but it didn't bug me. I also thought Bayer had a decent eye for things and he did show some style when it came to directing scenes. But this is a horror film and I'm expecting to get scared, or at least creeped out, by something. I don't consider making the sound design louder when people pop up on screen from off-frame so people can jump out of their seats to be scary. I expect tension. I expect suspense. Bayer, a music video director who worked on Nirvana's "Smell Like Teen Spirit" and Green Day's "Wake Me Up Before September Ends", doesn't display any of this. I wasn't scared once. I wasn't even creeped out. If you're gonna attempt to make Freddy Krueger scary again rather than funny, at least try and match the tone for the rest of the film. Also, the pacing was way off in this film. The middle portion almost bored me because it was centered more on Quentin and Nancy, who weren't really developed enough for me to care all that much about them. I just thought it was lazy filmmaking for the most part, even though Bayer tried to infuse some energy into his work.

The acting was probably the highlight of the movie. While Robert Englund will always be Freddy Krueger for all us horror fans, Jackie Earle Haley didn't do a bad job replacing him. In fact, he was the best part of the film for me. He made Freddy more menacing than the character had been in years, which was a nice touch. The voice didn't bother me all that much [the make up is another story], even though he spoke really slow for some reason. But the guy is a great actor and he did his best with the role. I think if he was allowed to give the character his own interpretation, it would have been a more interesting performance.

The rest of the actors were given lame characters but did the best they could do. Rooney Mara is a better actress than Heather Langenkamp, but I actually prefer Langenkamp as Nancy. I will say that Mara gave a subtle, more intellectual performance as the final girl. I liked what she brought to the table. I wish the screenplay gave her more things to do. Kyle Gallner played the Johnny Depp role very well. Out of all the teens, I liked him the most as he had the most depth and actually did things that made sense. Gallner and Mara also had some cute chemistry together. Katie Cassidy did her best as Kris[Tina], even though she seemed to force too much emotion in certain scenes, making her performance sometimes unbelievable. Thomas Dekker played the asshole. Nothing more, nothing less. And Kellan Lutz wasn't bad as Dean. Can't really judge him since he's not in the film all that much. And I gotta say that Clancy Brown and Connie Britton was really wasted in their parental roles. These two fine actors deserved better.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE HOPING THIS REMAKE IS NOTHING BUT A DREAM

- Dean "killed himself" by slicing his own throat with a knife. Not surprising really. I felt suicidal after watching TWILIGHT. I can't imagine how it feels to actually star in it.

- Don't fall asleep in class. You'll get Freddy Krueger's attention. That A+ is not worth dying over.

- Kris wears a number 10 shirt to bed. And a 10 she is! Ooh baby! ::drools::

- If your dog is missing and it's the middle of the night, don't bother looking for him. He's probably been killed by Freddy. Or better yet, he's making a fine cuisine at an Asian restaurant. Either way, you'll be barking up the wrong tree.

- In Nancy's dream, it snows in her room. The same thing happens in Lindsay Lohan's dreams, but she snorts it before anyone is able to interpret it.

- Jesse had the boiler room dream, wincing and crying after Freddy taunted him. This guy is supposed to save the world from Skynet? Hasta la vista, future!

- Freddy scared Nancy at the supermarket. Damn, just show her how high milk and meat prices have gotten! That'll put the fear in anyone!

- Nancy has to dream in order to pull out Freddy from the dream and bring him into reality. Um, isn't pulling out what got Freddy in trouble to begin with...?

- If you're going to hide from a horror villain, don't do it inside a closet. Unless you're Jamie Lee Curtis, R. Kelly, or Ricky Martin, you're fucked!

THE FINAL HOWL
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is another disappointing remake by Platinum Dunes. After thinking about it a couple of days, my thoughts on this film just soured. It's one of those rare cases where the review came about and changed my original score for it. It's lazy and bland - two things that a NIGHTMARE film should not be. Yeah, FREDDY'S DEAD was horrible but at least it wasn't bland. Pretty much on par with the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake, showing us that sometimes a remake isn't a good idea. I think the only new information I gathered from this reboot is that Michael Bay is truly Freddy Krueger's worst nightmare. Stick with the original stuff. You're not missing anything worthwhile with this one.

DIRECTED BY
Renny Harlin

STARRING
John Cena - Det. Danny Fisher
Aidan Gillen - Miles Jackson
Ashley Scott - Molly Porter
Steve Harris - Special Agent George Aiken
Brian J. White - Det. Hank Carver
Gonzalo Menendez - Special Agent Ray Santiago

Genre - Action

Running Time - 108 Minutes

Score - 1 Howl Outta 4


Movies like 12 ROUNDS make me glad most of the time that I'm a single guy. I wouldn't want to deal with some person who I made angry in the past, who has kidnapped my girlfriend and is now putting me through twelve trials just to prove my love and get her back alive. Unless he kidnapped my ex-girlfriend. That bitch doesn't deserve my blood, sweat, and tears.

My ex also deserves a film like 12 ROUNDS, which is extremely dumb for even "dumb action movies" standards. While it's an improvement over WWE Films' first John Cena vehicle, the nauseating THE MARINE, 12 ROUNDS is about nine rounds away from being a action film worth watching. Let's see why Vince McMahon should rethink about this whole movie business...

PLOT
Danny Fisher (John Cena) is a New Orleans Police Detective with apparent superabilities and a string of bad luck. During an FBI sting operation the year before, Danny and his partner Hank Carver (Brian J. White) chase down some international arms dealer and terrorist named Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) and his accomplice girlfriend, Ericka (Taylor Cole). Hank gets shot, but Danny manages to reach the two criminals. Unfortunately, Ericka is murdered by being hit by a van during her escape, managing to stun Miles long enough to be arrested - and to wish revenge on Danny for "murdering" the love of his life.

Present day, Miles somehow escapes prison and kidnaps Danny's girlfriend, Molly (Ashley Scott), as a way to pay Danny back for Ericka's death. Unlike a real villain, who would have murdered the girlfriend of his enemy right away, Miles decides to be a douche and play a game with Danny. This game involves putting Danny through 12 rounds of dangerous situations. If Danny completes all 12, he gets Molly back. If not, both of them are dead. But as Hank and FBI Agents George Aiken (Steve Harris) and Ray Santiago (Gonzalo Menendez) join the case, Miles true intentions start to reveal themselves. Is it just a case of simple revenge? Or is there something much more in play here?

REVIEW
I have three words for 12 ROUNDS:

WHAT THE F***!?

12 ROUNDS is a film with an interesting concept but executed really poorly like most Hollywood film ideas these days. It should be a fun film. It should be an exciting film. But it's boring, more predictable than any action film should be, and not all that memorable once it's over. When I'm wishing the hero to FAIL at his goal in an action movie, we have a major problem.

The story, written by Daniel Kunka [who never wrote a screenplay before this one], was obviously inspired by DIE HARD, SPEED, and probably THE FRENCH CONNECTION. The screenplay is so inspiring that I was wishing that I was watching those films instead of this one. The story is pretty bad for action standards. The 12 rounds gimmick is a pretty cool one - if it was done right. But the way they're used here just drags 12 ROUNDS down. Why 12 rounds? Why not 6 or something? Would it have made a difference? And they were mainly about receiving phone calls and demolishing city property. Ooh, exciting. Most of the rounds require some sort of deadline, I assume, to increase the tension and suspense. What's laughable is that for those that don't have a deadline, the characters just decide to make one on their own just for fuck's sakes. How in the hell does Danny know he has to reach a certain destination in a minute if Miles never told him? I guess that's why he's a fake Police Detective and I'm not. At least the rounds keep the film from going completely stale, even if they are pretty lame rounds.

The character development in the film is pretty non-existent. While I like stereotypes as much as anyone [i.e. the Hero, the token kidnapped girlfriend, the James Bond-ian villain, the best friend who's gonna bite it], it doesn't increase a viewer's interest in the weak narrative. With the main sub-plot being Danny's mission to save Molly from Miles, it would have helped if we knew what kind of relationship Danny and Molly have to make us care. They barely have two minutes on-screen time together before Molly gets kidnapped, to which Danny overreacts about and risks his own life to save her. For me to understand the driving force behind Danny's motive, I need to understand the complexity of his relationship to his girlfriend. Instead, Danny is given a girlfriend because it's an action cliche and it has to be in the script. There's no other reason for it to exist otherwise. The whole thing feels forced and uninteresting. I thought Miles relationship with Ericka was more developed, and Ericka was barely in the film. That's pretty sad. And I gotta say - why is Vince McMahon putting John Cena in movies where he has to save his wife or his girlfriend? What's next? John Cena having to save his boyfriend or something? It's getting old and stupid.

And even though this film is supposed to be about Danny chasing after Miles, I found the smaller sub-plot with Steve Harris' character to be more interesting. George Aiken had a grudge with Miles over something from the past, constantly playing with a Hot Wheels car as a reminder. It made me wonder why he had this toy and why he kept opening and closing the hood. Also, what did Miles do to Aiken that turned the guy into such a prick? He was the most interesting character in the film because he actually made me want to know MORE about the guy. Wow, what a novel concept. I wish 12 ROUNDS had more moments that caught my interest. Aiken should have been the main character, not Superman Danny Fisher.

The action sequences, just like in THE MARINE, are pretty implausible and just overall ridiculous. Watching John Cena fly with his limbs extended when he's near an explosion just make me chuckle for all the wrong reasons. We get a bus scene that's a lamer version of SPEED. We get a long sequence with a trolley that can't brake, so Danny and Ray Santiago stop it - by driving their car into the New Orleans power supply in the middle of some street.

Are you f**kin' serious?

We also get Danny sliding down something outside of a tall building because it's QUICKER to kill himself doing that than running down 10 flights of stairs.

Rrrrriiiiiggghhhtttttt...

And let's not forget the helicopter battle at the end. And Danny barely got a bruise or a scratch on him. But he sure was really sore!

Puh-LEEZE!

Renny Harlin [director of DIE HARD 2, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER, the awesome CLIFFHANGER, the not-so-awesome THE COVENANT, and countless others] does a barely mediocre job behind the camera. While the film looks visually more appealing than anything in THE MARINE, there were still problems on the technical front. For a 108 minute film, it felt twice as long. Also, we could have had some cool action sequences in the film. Unfortunately, Harlin decided that using annoying quick cuts and an unnecessary amount of shaky cam would be friggin' cool!

No, it's not!

I also felt that Harlin used too many sequences where cars were exploding and property was getting destroyed. I understand it's an action film, Renny. You don't have to force it! I appreciate that Harlin tried to make 12 ROUNDS feel like an 80s and 90s over-the-top action film. But those films [the good ones anyway] had a heart and soul behind the destruction. 12 ROUNDS is just heartless and soulless, no matter how much Harlin was trying to put life into it.

The acting was a mixed bag here. John Cena actually does a better job acting-wise than he did in THE MARINE. He plays Danny in a simple, determined, and sort of likeable way. He can also handle the action stuff decently - running, jumping, and climbing all over the place. I just wish the role was fleshed out more and it allowed Cena to emote a bit because the man does have charisma and presence. But given the quality of the script, that wasn't gonna happen.

Wait...do you hear that Cena? I think Dwayne Johnson is laughing at you. Hmmm.

Aidan Gillen was probably the best actor as the villainous Miles Jackson. While a complete dumbass story-wise, Gillen makes the character sort of funny in a suave and sophisticated way. I kind of wished he were in a better action film because I could totally buy him in the role if better material was involved. Ashley Scott is just the eye candy as Molly. She looks bored and acts like she's sleepwalking through the role. I don't blame her. What fun is it to just act kidnapped? At least make her show a boob or something! She's hot AND can act!!! Steve Harris was good as George Aiken. He convinced me with his prick attitude. Brian J. White was also decent as the best friend. He definitely was more fun to watch than Cena and Scott. Why were these two the main focus again?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE GIVING UP AFTER THE FOURTH ROUND

- Danny said that "you get two things when you're a cop: a gun and a badge." Apparently the steroids led to the loss of his nightstick. Ooh...BURN!!

- Molly told Danny that even though he had 10 minutes until he started his shift, it would only take him 2 minutes to finish his romantic "duties". Looks like someone was given an "Attitude Adjustment"!

- Miles shot Hank in the ass. Save that kind of shit for your social life. You're on duty, Officer!

- Miles kidnapped Molly fairly easy. For someone who is the daughter of both Batman and Catwoman, I expected more out of her.

- Danny had to toss an explosive in the river after the round was over. Lucky there were no ducks around because some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

- Round 6 involved an elevator free falling to the ground that held Danny and the pleasantly plumb, Willy [insert your killer whale jokes here], the hotel manager. Even though Willy didn't live to be on the show, he's obviously The Biggest Loser.

- When FBI agents are put on hold, Barry Manilow plays in the background. I don't see the problem. Music and passion were always in fashion at the Copa...

- Only Danny's thumbprint on some detonator can save Molly's life. I don't know how Miles got Danny's thumbprint, but any thumb is better than a five knuckle shuffle.

- Fellow WWE Wrestler, Mark Henry's, "Sexual Chocolate" theme song played at the end of the film. Unless this is a sign that Mark Henry is in the next WWE film and he's not playing Fat Albert or Predator, then it's time for Vince McMahon to just quit the whole film thing. It's bad enough I'm getting THE MARINE 2. [-shivers-]

THE FINAL HOWL
What could have been a fun film turns out to be a flop called 12 ROUNDS, which happened to be 8 rounds too many for me. It's not the worst WWE Films project but it's far from the best, which still happens to be THE CONDEMNED. If Renny Harlin had played the film as a silly sort of thing like THE TRANSPORTER and CRANK films take pride in, 12 ROUNDS would had worked exceptionally. But since it was taken seriously, it fails. If you're a John Cena or Renny Harlin fan, wait for it on cable or something. Otherwise, don't bother.

DIRECTED BY
Nelson McCormick

STARRING
Brittany Snow - Donna Keppel
Johnathon Schaech - Richard Fenton
Idris Elba - Detective Winn
Dana Davis - Lisa Hines
Scott Porter - Bobby
Collins Pennie - Ronnie Heflin
Ming-Na - Dr. Elisha Crowe
Linden Ashby - Uncle Jack Turner

Year - 2008

Score - 1/2 Howl outta 4


We see it all over the news these days: "Teacher Busted In Seducing and Having Sex With His/Her Student." Everytime I watch the news, there's at least one story concerning this issue that will eventually turn into your Lifetime Movie-of-the-Week. I mean, what's the big deal? I had crushes on some hot teachers and would have done something with them. Sometimes the groin thinks before the brain, ya know? And I know of a certain High School teacher who had a thing for me and well...I'll leave it at that. At least she didn't become so obsessed with me that she would go off and murder my family! That would just be fucked up. And that's what happens to Donna Keppel at the beginning of "remake-by-name" PROM NIGHT. Personally, my situation with my teacher would have made a much better film than PROM NIGHT. At least my worries of catching syphillis would have been a lot scarier than this lame PG-13 feature [and I use that term loosely].

PLOT
Donna Keppel (Brittany Snow) comes home one night to find that her family was murdered by Richard Fenton (Johnathon Schaech), a teacher who has developed an unhealthy obsession with Donna. Puppy love...sigh. Anyway, he's caught, tried, convicted due to insanity, and sentenced to be locked away at some maximum security [ha ha ha] mental hospital many miles away to stay far away from Donna.

Three years pass and Donna seems to be doing okay with her life. However she's constantly reminded of Fenton, especially since her psychiatrist (Ming-Na) reminds Donna that he'll always have a psychic and emotional control over her. Who gave this nut a license? Anyway, Donna is given anti-anxiety medication in order to remain focused on college and the rest of her future...like PROM! Gee, nothing bad can happen there, can it?

Anyway, Donna prepares for prom with her boyfriend Bobby (Scott Porter) by getting her dress and her hair done! Like OMG! I hope someone doesn't wear the same dress! That would be so GOSSIP GIRL, yo! While Donna prepares for prom, she doesn't know that Mr. Fenton has escaped from the MAXIMUM SECURITY mental hospital and is travelling back to see Donna again to...well, I don't know what he wants to do with Donna really. Obviously he doesn't realize that murder isn't a turn-on for teenage girls, but I'm not a teenage girl so I wouldn't know. Anyway, the local cops led by Detective Winn (Idris Elba) find out about Fenton's escape and try and come up with something to protect Donna and stop Fenton from finishing what he started three years ago. This is one prom Donna will never forget!

REVIEW
I have three words for PROM NIGHT:

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Let me start off by saying that PROM NIGHT 2008 is NOT a remake of PROM NIGHT 1980, starring Jamie Lee Curtis and her booty-shaking ass during that disco sequence. It may have the same name, a prom setting, and a killer, but other than that, everything's different. I wasn't much out of this remake to begin with, since I'm still wondering why PROM NIGHT of all films even needs a remake. And after watching this film, I still have the same question because this movie is lame, lame, and uber-lame. And it's not even lame because it's a bad film. With a bad film, I would be able to bash it and entertain myself writing the review. But this film is worse than bad. It's LAZY. It just goes through the motions and uses every slasher movie cliche you've seen a million times before without any energy, suspense, or tension that makes those cliches work. How do I review a lazy film? It's pathetic.

Now the entire film isn't all that lazy. The opening sequence where Donna finds Fenton murdering her family, especially her mother, was actually quite gripping. There's a point in the film where Donna and her mother's eyes meet before the mother is killed and it's quite creepy. The emotional impact is there and you actually feel sorry for Donna, even though you don't know her that well yet. Here am I thinking that this film will get better from an effective opening like this. But nope, doesn't happen. It's treated like some afterthought, as if director Nelson McCormick used the moment as a stylistic tool rather than something you could base the rest of the film off and create a pretty decent remake that wasn't needed to begin with. I also found the chase scene between Fenton and Lisa to actually be quite involved and intense. It's not the best sequence I've ever seen but it's the best I could see from this film.

The rest of the film, not so much. McCormick doesn't bother with suspense, tension, or even HORROR. The film is not scary. The film is very predictable. I mean gee, who's gonna live and who's gonna die? Hmmm. There's barely any character development, except for maybe Donna, the detective, Fenton, and Lisa and Ronnie [who were the token black couple of the film and were NOT annoying like in other horror films]. Other than making money, what's the point of this film? Even the ending was horrible, as it should have been a showdown between Donna and Fenton, but it totally gets turned around and takes away all emotional impact and build up the film needed to get to its resolution. I had absolutely nothing to chew on and spit out when it came to the horrible script/story.

I also didn't like the fact that the rating is PG-13. A slasher film being PG-13 is like watching Jenna Jameson have sex with her clothes on. IT DOESN'T WORK! Supernatural horror can be PG-13. Slashers are meant to be R rating because what do we want from slashers?

Tits.

Ass.

Blood.

Gore.

While you do get some blood and a nice shot of some throat getting slit, you don't get anything else. Everyone stays covered and the murders aren't even that graphic to be all that effective. Sure, HALLOWEEN would be considered PG-13 now, but at least it was intelligent enough to grip you with its story and characters. PROM NIGHT doesn't bother. At least some decent kills would have made this watchable. But it fumbles and fails like a virgin getting laid for the first time on prom night. Not something you're gonna want to remember for the rest of your life, that's for sure.

Another issue I had? The police's treatment of Fenton's escape. They were concerned for Donna's well being, yet didn't want to upset her with the news because she made so much progress since the murders. Um...how are you gonna protect her

if you don't clue her

in on what's happening? Don't you think Fenton is gonna go straight for her and she's better off knowing before hand so she can prepare herself? It's called common fuckin' sense. USE IT! It's like the cops didn't care and made really boneheaded decisions. Yes, I understand this is a film but some intelligence wouldn't hurt, ya know?

Nelson McCormick isn't a good director. He just took a camera, moved it around to shoot the actors, did what he thought was good editing, and released the film with his name attached. That's not directing. A director, especially for a horror movie, would want to create moments of fear and terror. He would want to create suspense and uncertainty. He would want us to care about the characters he's visually showing us, making us want them to live. But he doesn't do that, so he's fails. Even Uwe Boll creates more tension in his films and they mostly suck. Like I said, nothing describes this film more than "lazy". And I felt bored watching it.

The acting, on the other hand, was actually decent. Brittany Snow, who many of us know from the TV show AMERICAN DREAMS and the films JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE, THE PACIFIER, and HAIRSPRAY, is very good in the film. She hits all the emotional stuff and is actually a pleasure to watch onscreen from beginning to end. Her character was barely there but she did what she could with it and I appreciated it. Plus she's really cute. Someone has a crush...sigh. I'm hoping she does a much better film worthy of her talents because she's too good for this remake. Johnathon Schaech looked and talked creepy, but his character was so bland that he just came off as a generic nutjob who likes hunting pretty people and killing them. I had no emotional connection to the guy at all. Michael Myers, who doesn't even talk, has more personality than this dude just by breathing. That's pretty sad. Idris Elba, who I am a fan of from his work in 28 WEEKS LATER and DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS, suffers from having a poorly written character. He should have looked like a hero but ended up looking foolish instead. It sucks because I like the guy alot and he deserved better than this. Fire your agent, dude. Everyone else did what they were supposed to do, which wasn't all that much. They all try to create meat out of bones, and I can't fault anyone for that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM RE-EXPERIENCING PROM NIGHT

- PG-13 prom nights suck. No sex? Fuck that!

- Johnathon Schaech was a pretty lame villain. If this is his way of winning back Christina Applegate, then I realize why she divorced him in the first place.

- I saw this film for free. Either that makes me incredibly smart, or everyone else who paid to see this is very stupid. [No offense to those who did...I kid]

- Makes me long for the original PROM NIGHT. At least that film had a disco ball and a catchy theme song.
Prom Night...everything is alright...bom bom bom bom...

THE FINAL HOWL
PROM NIGHT 2008 is a rebounding failure. Sure the acting was decent and two scenes were watchable, but it just reminds you just how great those 80s slashers were back in the day. You'd think Hollywood would learn from those films and actually make a good one for THE HILLS' generation. Sure it'll make money [it was number one opening weekend, sigh] but you can't buy dignity, remembrance, or greatness with all the money in the world. Off to the WTF? Vault with you, PROM NIGHT. I'm sure Nelson McCormick will bring another film inside with his next film, the remake of THE STEPFATHER. Damn, I think I'm gonna need a bigger vault.

Oh yeah...dance the night away and...

KISS MY ASS!