DIRECTED BY
Philip Gunn
David Valdez

STARRING
Ross Kelly - Philbert
Ashley Bryce - Valerie
Jared Herholtz - Edwin
Isaac Kappy - Buzter Pie
Mike Miller - Bonzo
Chris K. Payne - Puff

Genre - Horror/Slasher/Comedy/Clowns

Running Time - 84 Minutes


I always dread having to review a horror film involving clowns. While there are some decent-to-good ones, such as DRIVE THRU, IT, and KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE, a majority of them are pretty terrible. The last two films I've watched involving clowns, CHUCKLE'S REVENGE and ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN, left bad tastes in my mouth. Hell, I hate clowns in general. Why do I bother even reviewing anything involving these spawns of Satan?

I guess when you see a title called KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE [which is being released on DVD by Troma Entertainment], you tend to be slightly intrigued...and horrified about the prospect of the film's quality. But I shouldn't complain too much. After all, I received the DVD screener free with all special features intact and without that distracting logo to stop people from putting the film on torrent sites. I also shouldn't complain about the film itself, as it actually happens to be a silly slasher film that's quite a lot of fun! Who knew? Smack me with a pie and let's review this surprisingly good clown flick!

PLOT
A clown boot camp has finally reopened after 15 years, recruiting a few clowns who want to master their pie throwing and balloon animal making. During a campfire, the clowns learn of a legend about Edwin the Clown (Jared Herholtz), who 15 years prior was unable to make his clown peers laugh when a cell phone interruption disrupted his stage act. Edwin, being frustrated as he was seen as a joke and a failure, decided to murder his classmates viciously and go into hiding. Old Man Bonzo (Mike Miller), losing his television show because of the crimes, decided to reopen the camp to bring back its good reputation [which is now at "Death Curse" status]. However, Edwin learns about this and decides that he'll make sure the camp closes down again by murdering these rookie clowns in really horrific ways...for good!

REVIEW
Color me surprised, but KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE is a hoot of a slasher film. Paying homage to more popular slasher movies, such as 1978's HALLOWEEN and the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise, this independent low-budget horror-comedy knows exactly what it is and works very hard in making sure the audience is aware of it. And I must say, while the film isn't perfect, KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE has a lot to be proud of as its success rate is a lot higher than one would expect, myself included.

Writers/directors Philip Gunn and David Valdez present a really silly, yet fun and kind of clever screenplay that just shows their love for the slasher sub-genre. On the surface, KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE is your typical slasher movie. The killer wants revenge because he feels scorned and is traumatized by something in his past. The scene of the crime is reopened or celebrating something that reminds the killer of the past, making him want to celebrate in his own way. The characters are pretty stereotypical, or in this case, variations of expected clowns you have seen before. There is also over-the-top violence and lots of sex and T & A. It's FRIDAY THE 13TH, but with clowns. So if that's your thing, then you should enjoy the main plotline of the movie.

What makes KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE stand out, however, is how far it goes with the clown motif. This movie could have just had a clown killer murdering other clowns just like your typical slasher. But the film happens to be much more structured than that. For one, it seems the world that KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE lives in revolves around the life of clowns. Very early in the film, we see that much of what's on television is related to what clowns do. The news reporter is a clown. There are hip-hop videos starring clowns. There are television shows and cartoons - all starring clowns. Even the magazine world showcases clowns. It's as if clowns have taken over in this universe, with regular "non-clown" people being the minority. It actually creates a silly, yet unique, atmosphere to the film. These clowns don't feel like outsiders when most of everyone else in the world is a clown, as it's a family tradition. I think it was a great touch to do this and made the film a lot more watchable, in my opinion.

I also liked the variation in clown characters. While the character development isn't all that deep [then again, how many slasher films have deep characterization?], the looks and personalities of each main clown character are all distinct. Valerie is a sad clown with pink hair and a tear and frown painted on her face. She's also the deepest character, as she doesn't want to be a clown but does it to please her grandfather. She also has deep skeletons in her closet that continuity bring trauma to her life. Philbert is the rookie clown. Butzer Pie is the Juggalo-looking clown who's a bit of a troublemaker, due to being from the streets. He looks like a member of KISS with his face paint, being the bad boy of the group. Puff is the magician clown, who actually has special powers relating to magic. And Edwin is the non-funny, messed up in the head clown who enjoys murdering others. There's also a cowboy clown, a nerd clown, a mentally slow clown, and even a pervert clown who wears a trenchcoat with not much underneath as he constantly masturbates, which you can tell by the silly sound effects that comes [no pun intended] with it. We also watch them doing typical clown activities, such as using whoopie cushions, throwing pies, and spraying seltzer water at each other. Some of these clowns get more screen time than others, but all of them are easy to identify and are fun to watch. I'm surprised none of them annoyed me, but I really liked watching all of them!

The homages to other slasher and horror films are also well done and a treat for fans who know these movies. Part of the opening theme sounds like a different take on the John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN theme, which quickly changes into one that sounds like the original FRIDAY THE 13TH theme. As a matter of fact, anytime Edwin is about to kill, we hear the classic "ki ki ki ma ma ma" but with a clown twist. The scene around the campfire, talking about the legend of Edwin, seems to be inspired mainly by FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. There's a "Death Curse" character that's obviously inspired by the first two FRIDAY THE 13TH films. Edwin has a cabin nearby the camp, like Jason Voorhees. There's a car chase scene that seems to be taken from HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS. There's even a FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES parody. And Butzer, doing his best Suicide from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD impersonation, quotes, "You think this is a fuckin' costume? This is a way of life!" A lot of these moments made me laugh as I was impressed that KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE managed to still be its own film even with all these nods to the past.

As for your typical slasher film, you definitely get a lot of gory violence and very sexual situations. The death scenes manage to be quite creative and funny. One clown gets scalped and has his brain squeezed so the juice can run down. We get a hitchhiker [spoofed from the original FRIDAY THE 13TH] on the way to the camp, who is murdered by getting her face squashed into a car window. One clown gets hooked and then grounded inside a haystack machine. Another clown gets a pie to the face, followed by a knife to the face. One gets hung by the neck. Another gets acid to the face, which melts it all off. We get a few decapitations, explosions, mallet bashings, throat slicings, gunshots, and even a clown getting sawed in half. For a low budget film, I thought all the death sequences looked really fantastic and very professional looking. I was quite impressed and even "ooh" and "ahh"'d at some of them. As for the sex, we get a ton of boobs, close to frontal male nudity, and even a really funny sex scene with clown noises. Pretty funny stuff.

The direction by Philip Gunn and David Valdez is really great. I would have thought this production had a bigger budget than it actually did - the movie looks that good. The editing is solid. The composition and framing is perfect for this type of film. There's also quite a lot of style here. For example, the opening sequence, which is supposedly shot on a VHS camcorder in 1991, is being watched on said VHS tape with grain, snow, and just worn out footage to make it look authentic. The flashback with Edwin is shot in black and white, almost noir-style. Even a lot of subtle touches, such as the blood stains that resembles a clown face on a mirror, to all the well-shot homages of previous horror films, are just well planned and well structured visually. Usually having more than one director could really screw up a project, but Gunn and Valdez obviously love the genre and were able to collaborate very well together to come out with a superior product. The film is called KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE and these two men give you exactly what you're expecting visually. I dug it.

I won't get into all the actors in the film, but they were all great in their roles. They were silly, over-the-top, and dedicated to each of their roles. I felt Jared Herholtz stood out as the killer Edwin, embracing the role. I also thought Isaac Kappy as Butzer Pie was very funny. And the cameo by Troma's own Lloyd Kaufman was great as well. I really liked the cast as they all worked well together to bring the script to life.

The DVD also has 2 hours of Special Features including:

- Audio Commentary by Co-Directors David Valdez and Philip Gunn and Executive Producer Darren Gunn
- Deleted Scenes
-"The Making Of..." Featurette
-6 Webisodes
- Trailer

Good stuff.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BLOWING UP MY WHOOPIE CUSHION

- Edwin scalped his roommate and squeezed his brains into the roommate's colorful cereal. Ironically, the Fruit Loop is Edwin himself.

- Some creepy dude warned the clowns not to go to Camp Sparkly Lake. I agree. Those TWILIGHT idiots live there. I'll take my chances with the mentally challenged mama's boy at the other lake.

- Edwin hooked the Southern Cowboy Clown and grounded his body into a machine that took grass and grouped it into a box. I guess the cops are gonna have to find a needle-dick in a haystack!

- One of the clowns had her boobs painted as puppies. This explains why her pussy is foaming at the mouth. Ew...

- A pie exploded in one of the clown's faces, killing him. This is usually a great thing...in bed.

THE FINAL HOWL
Never judge a film by its title or cover, because KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE happens to be a lot of fun and well worth a look if you love slashers. The film looks great, the narrative is solid for the most part [not all the jokes work], the acting is pretty good, and the homages will leave horror fans with smiles on their faces. If you like your horror-comedies tongue-in-cheek, you'll get a kick out of this one. Just make sure you laugh often. You don't want a bitter clown leaving you a deadly whoopie cushion on your seat...

SCORE
3.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Julian Grant

STARRING
Brian Shaw - Yar
Kathleen Lawlor - Janice
Alden Moore - Hak
Almir Limaj - Stabber

Genre - Horror/Zombies/Infected

Running Time - 100 Minutes


PLOT
In a post-apocalyptic world, a virus outbreak has infected much of the human population, turning them into something like cannibalistic zombies. The government is hunting down those infected, killing them in order to solve the problem they probably created.

We follow one infected family headed by Yar (Brian Shaw), who tries to keep his pregnant wife (Alden Moore) and two children safe from being captured and killed. Knowing his family wants some human flesh, he goes hunting, finding a body inside a tent, not realizing that there are radioactive warnings all around the corpse. He lets his family take the corpse for dinner while passing on it and drinking from a liquor bottle the corpse had on him instead.

The next day, Yar finds out that his family are now incredibly sick, to the point that each one of them dies. Yar does manage to save his newborn son by literally extracting him from his wife's corpse. Yar realizes he's his son's only hope for a better future, leaving his family behind and looking for some sort of haven. Along the way, he saves an uninfected woman named Janice (Kathleen Lawlor), who was about to be murdered by two infected humans. Although they both seem untrusting of each other at first, Yar and Janice come to sort of a truce as he lets Janice help him with his son. Will these three be able to start a new family? Or are their fates doomed?

REVIEW

STORY - THE DEFILED is an interesting take on the overused and overexposed zombie film. Presented in an arthouse sort of way, THE DEFILED focuses on the zombie's [or infected person's, in this case] point of the view of the situation rather than a human. Instead of survivors scrambling together to make sure they survive the outbreak while bickering on a good plan, THE DEFILED lets us in on the world of the infected themselves, making us witness what they need to do in order to survive. They communicate like cavemen [losing all intelligent speak], hunt for human flesh, and eat it to survive. They also have to hide from those who created them, knowing that they're hunting them down like dogs. It's an original and fascinating concept that I'm really surprised other filmmakers haven't latched too much on, although some have created more intelligent zombies that interact like humans would [like in DAY OF THE DEAD, FIDO, and LAND OF THE DEAD].

THE DEFILED is also strong due to the fact that it has an infected character teaming up with a healthy human as they go on the run to protect themselves and Yar's newborn. As humans, we know another human is capable of love, protection, and the willingness to sacrifice themselves to save someone we deeply care for. But Yar's portrayal is more profound as, in a lot of ways, lost a lot of his human side due to this disease he's suffering from. His mind and behavior has degenerated into nothing but instinctual knowledge and feelings. He's like an animal in a lot of ways - doing anything to survive while remaining loyal to his family. The fact that Yar still has human feelings of compassion and love for his son is a great character trait and makes the audience support him throughout the film. It also makes his alliance with Janice more effective as even though they're now different, they both have the same feelings for each other and for the baby. It's a great display of showing that two different people, one diseased and the other not, are both the same. This gives the hunters more of a villain feel since they want to destroy this due to being afraid of the outbreak spreading, even though they were probably a part of it or working for those who were.

THE DEFILED also has to contend with the fact that there is no actual dialogue in the film at all. We do have music and the characters do grunt and yell at each other, but no actual words are spoken for 100 minutes. It's a big challenge to keep an audience invested in a story that doesn't involve emoting with words. Instead, the acting has to really make up for this. And while sometimes, dialogue could have helped during duller moments in the film, I appreciate the boldness by Julian Grant to let the visuals do the talking rather than the characters making up the film.

I will say that THE DEFILED did bore me a bit at times, especially after the hour mark where Yar and Janice are walking around to different places that don't really move the story forward. I understand these scenes were kept in to show what society and civilization now looks like due to this horrible outbreak, but the film wouldn't have changed much if taken out. In fact, I feel as if this great concept would have been more effective as a shorter film. With less focus on establishing this world and more focus on the character's journey for salvation in a desolate civilization, THE DEFILED would have gotten better praise from people. But the film does lose its momentum for a while in the second half, although the final act does make up for it somewhat. Still, trimming maybe 25 minutes wouldn't have hurt the film at all.

DIRECTION - Julian Grant does a really excellent job bringing his vision to life. While I already mentioned the uneven pacing with certain dull scenes that could have been edited out, the rest of the visuals work better than one would expect from a film like this. THE DEFILED is shaded with a blue-grey tint to give off a look that was inspired by NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) and CARNIVAL OF SOULS. It actually gives the make-up work and special effects done for the infected [created by Robert Kurtzman] a more old-school, creepy look that looked pretty convincing of their condition. There is a moment where the film does go into a reddish tint, but it's during a dream or flashback sequence or something. The cinematography and camera work is very nice. The editing is solid, although Grant likes to fade-in and fade-out a lot, which can be a bit distracting and annoying. I would have loved a dissolve every now and then. I do have to give credit to Grant for taking on an ambitious project and making it work for the most part. It'd be interesting to see what he can do with a bigger budget and some dialogue.

EDGE FACTOR - Language is N/A. There is a sex scene, but nothing that's graphic at all. As for the violence, there are gunshots and physical grappling. But it's pretty tame stuff considering the other opinions out there in this very sub-genre.

ACTING - There are really only two main actors in the film. Brian Shaw was excellent as Yar. His role involved a ton of body language and he used it really well to convey every emotion he had to portray without speaking. I thought he carried the film like a champ. Kathleen Lawlor was decent as Janice. She had good moments, but I wished she'd show more expression with her face. She usually had the same face for much of the film. But I thought the two had nice chemistry as they worked well off of each other.

SPECIAL FEATURES - The DVD for THE DEFILED comes with a few features. One is a feature-length commentary track with actors Brian Shaw and Kathleen Lawlor, pretty much giving audiences information about the film's production and discussing their time filming the movie. Other stuff includes "Slide Show", which is a 4-minute slideshow of stills from the film, "Home Movies", which is 2-minute test footage that's not really explained. And of course a trailer for the film itself.

THE FINAL HOWL
THE DEFILED is a film that's high on ambition and meets it for the most part. I still feel that this film would be stronger as a short, as the second half does drag on a bit without dialogue. But the film is unique and interesting enough for me to recommend it to those who want to see something different and more artsy done with the typical zombie film.

SCORE3 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Steve O'Brien
Warren Speed

STARRING
Seymour Mace - Johnny Hellfire
Warren Speed - Pervo the Clown
Victoria Hopkins - Skye Brannigan
Victoria Broom - Rachel Brannigan
Marysia Kay - Red Zander
Peter Bonner - Zeus
Kate Soulsby - Harmony Starr
Bill Fellows - Henry Zander
Gillian Settle - Blue Zander
Christian Steel - Tycho Zander

Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies/Indie

Running Time - 85 Minutes


Have you ever wondered what type of women Satan is attracted to? I mean, does he fancy model-esque women, like Gisele Bundchen or Heidi Klum? Does he like bigger women, like Mo'Nique or Kirstie Alley? Maybe he likes men who dress like women, like RuPaul, who knows? What do you think?

Wait...you've never asked yourself these questions?

Do you want to know why?

Because NO ONE GIVES A BLOODY FOOK!

And neither do the creators of ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN, where Satan doesn't even make an appearance or get a slight mention, even though his name is plastered to sell copies of this independent horror film from the great United Kingdom. You know what else the creators don't give a bloody fook about? A decent script, direction, or even entertaining its audience.

That's right, everyone. It's one of those reviews. The WTF? Vault is back after a six-month hiatus, ready to bite into this piece of zombie crap! God save the Queen...and my sanity!

PLOT
A group of traveling burlesque performers [Johnny Hellfire (Seymour Mace), Pervo the Clown (Warren Speed), Harmony Starr (Kate Soulsby), Zeus the dwarf (Peter Bonner), Damage (Joe Nicholson), and singer Skye Brannigan (Victoria Hopkins)] grab the attention of a really weird family, who seem to be inviting naive ladies to drink their Kool-Aid. The son, Tycho (Christian Steel), hosts an internet TV show and wants to interview the group. Unfortunately, things at the cult are taking a turn for the worse. It seems Tycho's father, Henry (Bill Fellows), is doing some experiments on these cult girls, turning them into zombies.

It seems that someone spiked the Kool-Aid with the zombie serum at one of the cult parties that occurred during the TV interview, turning all the cult members into blood-hungry zombies. Warned by his sisters Red (Marysia Kay) and Blue (Gillian Settle), Tycho locks the burlesque group inside the studio while he and his sisters deal with the problem. Unfortunately, Skye recognizes her long-lost sister Rachel (Victoria Broom) as one of the uninfected cult girls, giving her motivation to kill these zombies and rescue Rachel. The other members just try and survive while making the lamest jokes ever.

Where's that bomb from THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD when you need it? It would have saved me 85 minutes of my life.

REVIEW
ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is a low budgeted horror film that was made by people who wanted to make a film for themselves and their friends, forgetting that an actual audience with some level of taste would be watching also. It's even more frustrating when the film has such a cool title and a concept that really is sure-fire for success, budget or not. But when you have incapable filmmakers behind-the-scenes, it all goes to poop.

The biggest culprit is the screenplay. I really don't know where to start because there's just so many things wrong with how the narrative is presented. I guess I can start with something positive and say that the narrative moves from a point A to a point B without confusing its audience. After all, ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is pretty much a movie where a man, thinking he's God, creates zombies who want to feed on innocent humans who'll kill them to survive. You really can't screw that up. Fortunately, Seymour Mace and Steve O'Brien make the main plot of the film understandable enough that we understand what's going on and accept things in context of the story. Unfortunately, that's as far as the plot development goes. The surface is fine, but there's no depth or meat to make anyone want to care what they're watching here.

One of the reasons for this is lack of character development. On paper, all these characters sound great. Pervo the Clown is a perverted clown who loves banging women. Skye Brannigan is an edgy rock singer who kicks ass once she learns her sister is still alive. The Zander family are a bunch of kooks who run a cult and uses their members as lab rats. Just typing that makes ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN sound more interesting than it actually is. We know nothing about these characters because we're given nothing. Yeah, they all do things within the film that makes them stand apart from each other in a stereotypical fashion, but all horror films do that. We get no back stories for these characters. They don't really change from beginning to end. They do things that leave me bored, uninterested, or confused because they come off as one-dimensional rather than actual people. Most zombie films work well because the protagonists are colorful, fleshed-out, and actually behave in ways that we can understand and relate to them. Since I have no opportunity to know these characters on more than just a superficial level, why should I, or anyone else, care?

The lack of character development stems from the fact that nothing is really explained in detail. Henry performs these experiments on these girls behind Tycho's back. Why? What is his purpose for doing this? Is he trying to bring a loved one back to life? No. Does he want to play God? Not sure because nothing in the film is able to answer that. It's there because it has to be there for the story to work. Why are there zombies? Because Henry is making them. But I couldn't tell you why.

Same goes to the rest of his family. The Zanders are a really kooky bunch, and if they were three-dimensional, they could have been great characters. The problem is that we don't know why they do the things they do. Why is Tycho running a cult when he seems to be pretty made as a TV internet host? Yeah, he's banging all the girls in the cult but what else is there? Why is his mother chained to a wall in Henry's lab? She's obviously insane, but was she like that before being the family's prisoner? Did Henry do that to her in an experiment? All I know about this woman is that she lost more than few marbles, begs Henry to touch and fuck her [I'm not kidding - she does this on more than one occasion to an annoyingly degree], and enjoys kissing her son while watching him bang a zombie, which was filmed on a video camera by his father, Henry. And I won't go into Red and Blue, who just seem indifferent about the whole incestuous situation as if it's normal. These are all interesting developments in a screenplay, but they're nothing without any sort of explanation behind them. I'm not supposed to take things for a grain of salt. I'm supposed to understand why things are happening the way they're supposed to in this film by a good screenwriter explaining to me through well-developed scenes and/or dialogue.

The other group of characters are no strangers to this either. Pervo the Clown brings women to his hotel room, plays Twister with them, and supposedly sleeps with them. Johnny Hellfire is annoyed by Pervo's behavior, yet takes one of his girls to his room. What does he do with her? Ties her to a chair as he duct tapes her mouth, while two other women wearing gas masks are sitting and watching the show.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with that??? What does this mean? Why are these characters doing this?

Also, it seems Pervo has a thing for Johnny, as he actually masturbates to a photo of him after an argument, trying to convince himself that he isn't gay. Not once was this subplot ever brought up beforehand or even played out in a way that it comes off as natural rather than a joke that misfires in every single way. Having just the punchline doesn't make people laugh. It just pisses them off.

Speaking of a shitty joke, there's literally a close to ten minute sequence of Zeus taking a dump in the woods as a zombie chases after him. I'm not kidding. He takes two minutes to find a damn spot, and then another five or six to push it out. And of course, we get all the poop sounds for those without the benefit of being deaf or dumb. And did I forget to mention that the last moment of this sequence is actually seeing his poop steaming on the grass in a close-up? It's not funny. It doesn't move the story along. It's not like DATE MOVIE, where Jinxers the Cat takes that massive dump in the toilet. That's funny because it's a puppet cat, it's out-of-the-blue and gives the cat some character [as juvenile as it is], and doesn't last ten fuckin' minutes! I could see something stupid like this in a spoof film. This type of filler doesn't belong in a zombie horror film.

Hell, most of the film is filled with jokes like these. Some might make you chuckle slightly at how stupid they are, but most of them will just make you make you wish you were watching something else. Oh look at Pervo wearing nipple tassels on his ass while he takes a pee! Are Pervo and Johnny making fun of each other with the unfunniest disses ever? Awesome! Golly, how funny is watching the characters playing with the zombie's boobs rather than killing her? I'm dying all right, but it isn't from laughter. The funniest part of the film was watching a zombie go after a victim in a wheelchair. At least that was memorable for all the right reasons, unlike 95 percent of this film. I guess I sold my sense of humor to Satan to watch this movie. I'm definitely asking for a refund.

As for the dialogue, let's just say that I almost thought Rob Zombie had written it. If there was a drinking game for the number of F-bombs that were dropped during this movie, I'd be dead from alcohol poisoning. And they're used just because the word "fuck" is edgy and dangerous, man! I also "love" that Skye's battle cry after each kill is "You bitch!" How clever.

Look, I'm not looking for David Mamet here. But every filmmaker should put some effort into their script. Just because you have a small budget doesn't mean you should have a small script. The screenplay has to be the best thing about this type of film. Unfortunately, it's the worst thing about it, which ruins the entire experience. If there was some actually care and polish during the writing process, this film could have been pretty great because there are actual moments here that could have led to really effective and memorable scenes. But I guess since the filmmakers figured that cussing and displaying boobs every three minutes would make up for that. Silly me.

Speaking of boobs, ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is full of them. At least this distracted me from being completely bored. I have to thank that one zombie whose fun bags were so huge, that I'm surprised she didn't knock herself out while running. Her children will be so lucky when they're born. Sure, it's a bit sexist since [besides Pervo, who is shirtless and has an ass shot] pretty much all the zombie women are nude to some extent. But that sexism is the only thing that doesn't feel forced in this film. So I'll take it and enjoy it as little as I can. How do you think I managed to watch this film for 90 minutes? The story? Psh!

The gore isn't great, but there's a lot of red stuff here. Unfortunately, the FX isn't all that convincing and most of the deaths take place off screen. As a matter of fact, most of these zombies die to massive blows to the head. And when we do see them die in other ways, you can clearly tell it's a mannequin getting it. It's a low budget, so that's understandable. But that's why a stronger script was needed here. This only adds to how bad this film really is.

The direction by both Steve O'Brien and Warren Speed is unimpressive. The camera work annoyed me more times than I could count. It shook a whole lot during the fight scenes. The editing is terrible. There were a lot of shots from the ground that, I guess, was supposed to create some sort of creepy effect, but it just comes off as amateur. Slow motion is also used here, but it's done in unoriginal ways. Even the timing and pacing is off. Not a visual masterpiece, that's for sure.

The acting was okay. I won't get into everyone, but they all did fine with what they were given. I thought Seymour Mace, Warren Speed, Christian Steel, and Victoria Hopkins were the better actors here for all different reasons. It would have been nice if they had better material at their disposal, but apparently these Zombie Women don't believe in that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE REALIZING THAT THE ONLY SATANIC THING ABOUT THIS FILM ARE THE 85 MINUTES OF HELL I SACRIFICED WATCHING IT

- Henry's wife constantly begged him, "Touch me! Touch me!" Ew, she is no Samantha Fox! Still, "Naughty Girls Need Love Too".

- Pervo the Clown, The World's Greatest Knife Thrower, didn't throw any, taking his assistant, Harmony Starr, away instead. I guess he'll feed her his sword backstage then...

- Tycho renamed one of the cult girls "Zed". Well, she does make his "monster" grow...

- A bunch of girls turned into zombies after drinking some spiked Kool-Aid. Next time, more sugar and less Trioxin. Oh yeah!

- Tycho used golf club to kill a zombie. Before you swing and score, you must yell "Fore!" before nailing that whore. Tiger Woods would be proud.

- Tycho screwed a zombie while his dad videotaped it for Tycho's mom. Incest AND necrophilia - looks like this family tajes the game of Taboo a bit too seriously...

THE FINAL HOWL
I watch films looking for the good rather than the bad. This is especially true for low budget horror films. But doing that for ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is pretty much an impossible task. It's not the worst film I've seen, but it's pretty close. I can forgive the cheap looking gore and special effects. I can forgive the really campy acting. But I can't forgive a horrible script, which should be the main focus for any low budget movie. And with terrible direction as well, I can't recommend this film to anyone at all - unless you like really lame, juvenile humor and a dwarf taking a dump for 10 minutes. If you want to watch a true zombie-comedy from the UK, stick with SHAUN OF THE DEAD. I'm sending ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN to the WTF? Vault, where it can rot for all I care and...

SCORE
0.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Steve Shimek

STARRING
Shalaina Castle - Jordan
Brandon Sean Pearson - Cole
Clare Niederpruem - Alison
Kyle Paul - Will
Tye Nelson - Collin
Luke Drake - Officer Eric Schroeder
Richard Dutcher - Sheriff Ben
Allan Groves - Officer Marcus Larsen

Genre - Horror/Thriller/Slasher/Indie

Running Time - 90 Minutes


I remember that internet meme a couple of years back where you had to guide your mouse through a four-level maze. In each level, the paths would get narrower and narrower to the point where you would have to restart the whole thing when you touched a wall. But if you actually made it to that last level, you would get to the mid-point of the maze until *BAM* - a Pazuzu possessed Regan MacNeil from THE EXORCIST would pop up and scare the daylights out of you. Yes, I screamed like a bitch when she popped up. I'm man enough to admit it.

So why am I writing about that maze again? Because the reaction I got from it was a lot more stimulating than watching 2010's low-budget independent horror/thriller THE MAZE, which takes place in a corn field in the middle of nowhere. While not a terrible film, it won't leave you aMAZEd either. Here's the perfect example of a film that has a great idea, but can't live up to its potential due to several factors that's mostly out of its control.

PLOT
Five friends, who seem to bicker alot, decide to drive in search for a huge maze that's surrounded by rows and columns of corn stalks. Along the way, one of them brings up a story about a guy in a red hoodie stabbing and killing people, who venture through this maze, with scissors. Being the geniuses they are, they decide to head there anyway and check it out. Unfortunately by the time they arrive there, it's night and the maze is closed for the public. Being the geniuses they are, they decide to trespass and play a game of "tag" as they travel through the large maze. What they don't know is that someone wearing a red hoodie is also inside the maze, eager to attack these friends one-by-one.

REVIEW
THE MAZE could have been a pretty great horror/thriller if it had more things going for it, instead of against it. The main culprit is the lack of money to really fund a great premise like a killer in a corn field maze, as the film doesn't show us enough of what we need to see in order to make a movie like this work. The other culprit is a weak script that pretty much derails any potential or momentum THE MAZE needs to make it stand out.

Like I mentioned, the narrative is very weak because it doesn't seem to know what type of film it wants to tell. The first half of the movie is definitely a slasher, with a stalk-and-kill villain chasing after five one-dimensional characters through a corn field. The problem with the whole slasher deal is that it doesn't do what slashers are known for - nudity and graphic violence. No one gets even close to being naked in this film at all. Plus, the violence is pretty tame. There's barely any bloodshed. The kills seem to happen off-screen. And with characters that have no development at all, we need those two distractions to keep audiences invested in finishing the film. And I gotta say that the Final Girl has got to be one of the worst choices for a Final Girl in a slasher film. Not only do we know nothing about her, but she's a total bitch for most of the film. So why should I care about her survival again?

The second half of the film switches modes, becoming a thriller as the killer reveals himself and torments the Final Girl in a twist that I didn't see coming honestly. Unfortunately, I don't understand the twist's purpose because the backstory of the killer is never revealed. We have no idea why he does what he does. We have no idea why he only kills people who enter mazes of corn. We have no idea why he decides to play mind games with the lone survivor instead of killing her and getting it over with. I will say that once the killer is in his civilian clothes and actually speaks, his personality shines right through. In fact, I wanted to see more of the character. But with no clear motivations for his actions, there was definitely a piece of the puzzle missing.

And while the film was disjointed due to the change in genres, I felt the thriller portion of the movie was stronger than the slasher portion. The slasher portion dragged on for way too long, boring me to tears. The characters were very annoying, unlikable, and not even worth the time caring about. The killer should have killed them faster in my opinion. The thriller portion, while not exactly thrilling, was better paced. It went by quick and I liked the characters and acting better as well. Personally, THE MAZE should have been a shorter film, with maybe 15 dedicated to the slasher portion, and 30 minutes to the thriller portion. The film would have been more effective and the small budget would have gone to more things in the production, like maybe better actors and the graphic violence.

Nagging issues: Why would five adults drive for so many hours just to see a maze built with rows of corn husks? And why would they trespass at night, especially knowing that a killer did horrible things there? And when they did see the killer, why didn't they just run through the corn instead of actually trying to find a way out through the maze? I know horror characters are supposed to have smaller I.Q.'s than real life people, but this was pretty ridiculous.

The gore is pretty non-existent, due to the low budget. But we do get slashed throats, stabbings, gunfire, burnings, and even guillotine action. It was a very tame slasher. But I can understand why it wasn't better. With more money, the gore effects could have easily compensated for the unforgivable weak screenwriting and story structure.

The direction by Steve Shimek is more hit than miss. To get the negatives out of the way, Shimek doesn't provide enough tension or scares to satisfy horror and/or thriller audiences. We get the usual jump scares and false starts that most modern horror films rely on when there's no atmosphere to set the creepy mood. Shimek also relies on his score to provide tension and scares, but all they did was take me out of the scene. The music wasn't bad, but it just seemed to be playing during the wrong times at some spots. I also thought the pacing was off, like I mentioned earlier. The disjointing two halves didn't help either. I will say that Shimek does have some decent visual style behind the camera. There were moments in the film where slow motion his use of flashbacks worked well. I also loved the cinematography and composition of the film. It looked very professional for a small budget, with the settings and framing looking quite impressive and stunning at times. I thought the visuals were actually the best part of the film, I have to say. I would like to see what Shimek can do with better screenwriters and a bigger budget.

The acting in the film wasn't all that impressive, but it wasn't totally horrible. I will say the best actor was the killer himself. I won't say the character's name because I don't want to spoil who it is, but I dug his work in the last half of the film. Shalaina Castle was also cool as Jordan, although she annoyed me in the first half of the film.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BUTTERING MY CORN

- "No one gets buried alive anymore." Tell that to Bill Pullman or Ryan Reynolds. I think they'd disagree with you...

- One of the characters had trouble lighting her cigarettes anytime she needs a smoke. No wonder she's single - she has no idea how to turn on things that are in her mouth.

- One of the characters got strangled to death. That's what happens when you get roped into doing a stupid maze.

- Don't bring a shotgun to a dangerous corn field. Corn will be the last thing getting popped.

- Don't get yourself trapped in a maze that has an Alice In Wonderland motif and a killer dressed in red. Once he gets his hands on you, it'll be off with your head!

THE FINAL HOWL
THE MAZE is a disappointing, mediocre low-budget horror film that could have been better if there was more money involved and if the screenplay was written better [I can forgive the budget, I can't forgive lazy writing for low or big budget films]. Still, we don't get a lot of horror films involving creepy corn fields. THE MAZE is a decent rental if you're into indie horror. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother. You wouldn't be missing a thing if you don't journey through this MAZE.

SCORE
2 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Thunder Levin

STARRING
C. Thomas Howell - David
Tyshawn Bryant - G-Dog
Rachel Montez Collins - Latiffa
Gregory Allan Williams - Dr. Reginald Monte
Johanna Watts - Lisa
Robert Wu - Dragon
KeiKabou Holland - Larson
Maxie J. Santillan Jr. - Old Man

Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies

Running Time - 90 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4


I spent quite some time in the 'hood, being from Brooklyn, New York. I've seen gang violence. I've seen drug dealing. I've seen some bad stuff go down. But never...and I do mean NEVER...have I've witnessed mutant vampire zombies in my 'hood.

Unless you count stoners. Then yes, I have seen MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD. Anyway, read the review before I pop a cap in yo' ass, homey!

PLOT
In South Central, Los Angeles, a cop named David (C. Thomas Howell) and his partner hide out at the rafters of a warehouse where two rival gangs are meeting. The leader of the black gang, G-Dog (Tyshawn Bryant), wants to exchange drugs with the Asian gang leader, Dragon (Robert Wu), for his girl Latiffa (Rachel Montez Collins). The police bust goes bad, as David and his partner are outnumbered. While a shoot out occurs between the three groups, a huge solar flare hits Earth. Everyone in the warehouse is knocked unconscious because of it.

They all wake up hours later, only to find that the world has drastically changed. The solar flare seems to have mutated anyone in contact with it [meaning whoever was outdoors during the event] with its radiation, turning them into flesh-eating, blood-hungry zombies. The three rival gangs unite to take out this new species as they head to the safety of an astrophysicist (Gregory Allan Williams) and his really hot daughter (Johanna Watts), who seem to have the key to stopping these creatures and staying alive.

REVIEW
Now you may all be thinking: "With a title like MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD, this film must really suck!", right? Fortunately, MVZFTH is actually a pretty good flick! It's funny. It's well-acted. And for a very low budget feature, it looks pretty damn cool! Who knew?

The screenplay for WVZFTH is surprisingly smart and well-written in general. Obviously, the film isn't original in its storytelling. If you've seen NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD or other popular zombie movies, you know how things supposed to go.

A: Some strange substance [gas, virus, solar flare] turns people into flesh-craving creatures.

B: A group of survivors who don't see eye-to-eye encounter these creatures, wondering what caused them and doing anything in their power to live.

C: They all group up in a safe place, disagreeing with how to do things to maintain their survival.

D: The creatures break into this safe place, putting the survivors' alliances to the test.

MVZFTH runs the same way, pretty much. It takes elements of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, mixed with NIGHT OF THE COMET, with an added sprinkle of 28 DAYS LATER to complete the stew. And it actually works for the most part. Not only are these films referenced, but so are NOSFERATU, ALIENS, and SNAKES ON A PLANE to various degrees of success. In fact, the Larson character [G-Dog's right hand man] is the Bill Paxton role from ALIENS, who's always terrified by the situation and rants about horror movies to express his points. These self-references shouldn't work as well as they do, but I found myself laughing at most of them. Color me surprised.

The dialogue is also pretty well written. The comedy is actually funny and there's hardly any exposition. When characters say something, the words actually move the story forward. There are also moments where stereotypes are thrown at certain characters, playing around with them to a great and comedic effect. The screenplay was really well-paced and I never felt all that bored once the zombies showed up within 20 minutes of the movie. I will say that the characters aren't all that developed and it would have been nice to know more about them so, as an audience, we could care about them and their fates. A little more depth would have been nice but it doesn't really hurt the film all that much at the end.

The special effects of MVZFTH are more than decent. The SFX and makeup were done by American Makeup and Effects, who have worked on all three PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN films and JARHEAD. The zombies look pretty good and the gore is pretty nice as well. We get a lot of gun shots and necks being bitten by zombies. Not too shabby at all. For a low budget movie, it was nice to see that the money was spent on the right things.

The direction by Thunder Levin was also nicely handled. The movie was well-paced with its tight editing. The cinematography was pretty nice. The fight sequences were nicely choreographed and pretty exciting. They weren't perfect but I enjoyed them. I really can't say anything negative about the visuals in this movie. The film looked really good and also sounded really good. Thunder Levin is no hack, that's for sure. Definitely thumbs up from me.

The acting was also decent for the most part. C. Thomas Howell does more than well here as the lead. I've always liked the guy since the 1980s and it's too bad he doesn't have a better career. He's a talented actor and I enjoyed him here. His moments where he would try and act black reminded me of SOUL MAN, which made me nostalgic. Tyshawn Bryant was more than capable as G-Dog. He was the stereotypical black gang member, but he put more depth into a thinly written character than what was needed. Good job. Robert Wu was also good as Dragon. He had certain emotional moments that he handled well. KeiKabou Holland was a highlight as Larson. His rants about NOSFERATU were very funny and he made the film more entertaining overall. Gregory Allan Williams, or Baywatch fame, brought class to his role. Johanna Watts as Lisa was extremely hot AND could act! That only made her sexier in my book. And Maxie J. Santillan Jr., as the old man who acted as the sage for the group, was entertaining as well. Just a really capable cast. Not one weak link here.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BANGING A HOT DOCTOR IN FRONT OF THE UNDEAD

- David's partner criticized him for talking and acting "black". Obviously, he was one of the many people who was smart enough NOT to see SOUL MAN back in the 80s.

- David claims that his job as a cop is to know every criminal on the streets by their names. Yeah, if there are no donut shops or plungers around! However, if you like forceful entries in the rectum region, then please ignore this one.

- G-Dog said the zombies can do everything but "skull fuck" people "with their atomic dicks." I totally agree. Only Lois Lane has knowledge of this experience and it should stay that way.

- Lisa is a great marksman. Any chick who can master a gun goes on top of my list...and my lap.

- None of the survivors want to have sex with zombies, afraid their appendages might be mutiliated because of hunger. Although lesbians probably welcome their carpets being munched...

- Larson got his penis bit off by a zombie. I guess someone needed a penis transplant...

- Lisa has a thing for David and vice-versa. Hot chicks dig THE OUTSIDERS, even if their 15 minutes of fame have already run out and then some.

THE FINAL HOWL
While not a perfect film [the ending was way rushed, some plot holes, and a very slow and unoriginal beginning], MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD is still a surprisingly fun time. If you are interested in seeing this film and want to see how a low budget zombie film should look like, check out their website at Seminal Films. Apparently there is another installment called NINJA PIRATE WEREWOLVES IN 'SPACE - a film I'm actually looking forward to. How can you not with a title like that? But in the meantime, take a look at MVZFTH. It may leave you starving for more.

Welcome to the Canadian film edition of “The Indie Scene.

The Notorious Newman Brothers
Year: 2009
Director: Ryan Noel
Studio: Retro Films/ Substance Production
Stars: Jason Butler, Brett Buttler, Ryan Noel
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 79 Mins
Official Website: http://www.myspace.com/TheNotoriousNewmanBros

This is latest film written by Jason and Brett Butler, who wrote and directed the very entertaining “Bums” and “Confusions of an Unmarried Couple”. This time they are paired with Ryan Noel, who is directing for the first time, after composing the brother’s last feature film.

This mockumentry is homage to gangster films. It’s about an inexperience director, who documents two up and coming mobsters, Paulie and Thunderclap Newman. As the director profiles them, he does deep inside to find the truth about them, their influences and their endless charades.

“The Notorious Newman Brothers is a very funny mockumentry on mobsters. It’s a very different approach to the previous Butler Brothers films, as neither of them directed this film.

Ryan Noel’s direction was very good. The main reason for that, the acting was very good. Noel lets The Butler Brothers talk like the mobsters that you see in films like “The Godfather”, “Scarface” and “Donnie Brasco”. By letting them do this, he helps make the material even funnier. The action also helps make the comedic rhythm work. It works, because Noel films it in a way that it’s intended to be more entertaining and funny, not gross out or too over the top. He also does a good job filming this film, like an actual documentary. It makes it standout more, compared to other mobster comedies, as the characters are more entertaining.

Noel also wrote the screenplay along with the Butler Brothers. A lot of the material made me laugh. The screenplay has some very good jokes that mobster fans will get easily. Noel and The Butler Brothers do a very good job writing each of the film’s characters, as they did a good job adding quirks to these characters. The characters were written in a way that you are able to enjoy and laugh at the various things that they do during the course. That makes you enjoy everything that goes on in the film.

“The Notorious Newman Brothers” turns the mobster genre upside down, in this very funny comedy.

Review Rating: Five Stars.


GFE: Girlfriend Experience
Year: 2008
Director: Ileana Pietrobruno
Studio: 101 Distribution
Stars: David Lewis, Ivy Vine
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 82 mins
Official Website: http://www.girlfriendexperiencethemovie.com/

“GFE: Girlfriend Experience” is a different type of mockumentry compared to the last film and its also not the Steven Soderberg film that was recently released on DVD.

Daniel is a john, who is having relationship problems with his girlfriend. To cure his problems, he dates prostitutes on the side. One day his girlfriend dumps him and he meets a mysterious prostitute named Adrian. Daniel begins to obsess with her which effects everything in his life. Soon the line between fantasy and reality begins to blur, as Daniel obsession with her might destroy everything that he has.

“GFE: Girlfriend Experience” is a disappointment, as this is a very interesting topic but the structure and the direction of the performances were weak. Writer/director Ileana Pietrobruno direction could have done better with this film. One of the main problems in the film was that I didn’t care about the lead character. Her direction towards the main star in the film felt like it hit the same note over and over, as the main character was in the same state for the entire film. It didn’t make me care about the character, which makes this film boring. You have to be interested in your subject, for a film like this to work. She also makes the performances have no emotion to them, as the acting felt depressing, not engaging.

The other problem was the fact that Pietrobruno goes for more of a mockumentary type of approach. I give her credit for trying this, but the story needed to be told in a more straightforward way. This type of approach really hurts the fact that this could have been an interesting character study. Also, I didn’t like the fact that Pietrobruno didn’t go deeper into the effects that Dave’s addiction was having in his regular life. That would have made the story and the main character a little more interesting.

“GFE: Girlfriend Experience” is nice effort in trying a different of character study, but falls short in keeping your interest.

Review Rating: 2 Stars


Consumption
Year: 2007
Director: Richard Powell
Studio: Fatal Pictures
Stars: Bruno Talotta, Andrea Settleton
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 31 Mins
Official Website: http://www.myspace.com/consumption2007

"Consumption” focuses on two people, who meet on an online chat. One is a woman, who is having problems with her relationship, and the other is an eccentric professor, who’s trying to prove a theory about cannibalism. Soon he tries to get the woman to participate in his experiment, knowing full well that she’ll be eaten afterwards.

The film is a very dark and low-key horror film that scores with the performances. Richard Powell’s direction was very dark. He does a job with keeping its somber tone, as this is one of those horror films that don’t have a lot of action. The film relies on atmosphere and performances. The atmosphere and tone is very dark. Powell achieves this through the direction and the score that he uses. It helps make this film and its subject matter very dark. The performances here were very good. In a film like this, you need the performances to be a point where the characters have to be interesting, in order for the film to be enjoyable. Powell does a very good job directing both Bruno Talotta and Andrea Settleton. The two had very good chemistry with each other, as they made their characters dark and interesting. Powell also made sure that both of the actors connected with one another, as the back and forth conversations helps makes this very watchable.

Powell also did a good job with the screenplay, as he really makes this dark. He does a good job keeping the action going, by making the characters interesting. He does that, by exploring why each of the characters is going through with this experiment. It makes the film interesting, when there is not a lot going on. That and the long conversation that the two main characters have, gets you into the story of the film. Powell also does a good making the last third of the film very macabrish. He does, by exploring the doctor’s state of mind, as he works on the experiment and his thoughts about his experiment afterward. It makes the character more of a study than just your normal mad scientist film.

“Consumption" is a dark and twisted horror film that boasts strong performances from its leads and nauseas moments.

Review Rating: Five Stars

The Indie Scene is back with a new writer, Anthony T and some interesting films that are out in the underground, festival and arthouse film circuits. We will be covering all genres here, so there is variety for all you a film lovers. Each column will be monthly and will contain two or three reviews. Some shorts, some feature length. Sometimes there will a central theme to each columns. I’ll talk more about it at the end of this column. Without further ado, on to the reviews.

Running Funny
Year: 2009
Director: Anthony Grippa
Studio: Lifesize Entertainment
Stars: Maximillian Osinki, Gene Gallerano, Louis Zorich,
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 77 Mins.
Official Website: http://www.runningfunnymovie.com/



“Running Funny” is based on a play that focuses on two college graduates that rent an apartment garage, from a blind veteran. During the course of a month, one of them realizes that he has more in common with the veteran, than his best friend. While the other graduate is so desperate to find a real job and not depend on his parents. Can they sustain their friendship, during these tough times?

To put my feeling towards “Running Funny”, this film felt like a good play that doesn’t translate well onto film. Co-writer and director, Anthony Grippa’s direction was good, for the most part. I liked how, he captures the interior and exterior scenery of the garage that the two main characters lived in. It made it like another character, because about two-thirds of the film takes place in that one area. But what made his direction suffer; the way Grippa directs his actors. The acting felt sour and unenergetic. The film really had no energy to it, as the actors were given one note and they had to play that note through out the film. Maybe, it had to do something more with the material than given to them, but still I would have liked to have seen some personality to these characters.

But my major problem with this film has to do with its screenplay. The screenplay had design of a play, not a feature film. It felt lifeless, as there was nothing in the material that would keep your interest. Grippa and the author of the original play, Charles Evered keep this film contained in one place, for a majority of the film. It made the film feel like it had no comedic action, as the characters don’t seem energetic, as they felt flat and dull. That didn’t make me interested in the characters, which was needed in order get the film and it’s humor. Speaking of the humor, it was non-existent. Everytime there was attempt at it, the film dull tone drowns that out. That made me not interested with anything that was going on. I was waiting for funny to happen, but when you think something is going to happen; the film’s lifeless tone drowns it out, which made the action boring.

“Running Funny” is a film that could have been better, but falls flat in humor and storytelling departments.

Review Rating: 2 Stars


Beijing Haze
Year: 2008
Director: JP Chan
Studio: Medium 10-12
Stars: Jo Mei
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 11 Mins.

Here's a clip from Bejing Haze:



During my coverage of the Danger After Dark portion of the 2009 Philadelphia Film festival, I had a chance to review JP Chan’s latest film I Sleep, Before I Dream, which was one of the standout shorts from that festival. This time I review the film that was made before that one, Beijing Haze.

The film is about immigrant who has flashback of the last day that she spend in her homeland, before moving to America. She views America, as her hazy dream of the future. Now living in the country, she can’t help to remember about her past that’s becoming a hazy memory.

Beijing Haze is a visually entertaining film that is on par with J.P Chan’s other film ”I Don’t sleep, I Dream”. The direction was very good. Chan does a good job using the locations to create a realistic tone that this film has. It makes the story and the main character more interesting. He also does a good with the short along, as it never speed up or slows down. It helps make the film interesting, not boring. Chan also did a good job directing his lead actress in this film. He spends time making the performance realistic and someone that you can relate to. That’s needed, for a film like to succeed.

Chan’s screenplay was also good, as this is more realistic than his previous film.The realism the screenplay has helps make the whole character, very lifelike. It makes the screenplay works, as it the main character accessible to the viewer. The character wasn’t confusing at all. Chan creates a character that is like someone that you would see, in real life. He also makes this more of a character study, which really helped me become invested with the main character that made this an entertaining film.

“Beijing Haze” is a very entertaining little character study piece that will leave you daydreaming.

Review Rating: Four Stars

I hope you enjoyed The Indie Scene. In next month edition, I will spotlight the Canadian Independent scene, by reviewing three films from Canada, including The Butler Brothers latest film, “The Notorious Newman Brothers”.

If you want you film review on “The Indie Scene”, contact Anthony T at anthonythurber@filmarcade.net.

DIRECTED BY
Anthony Brownrigg

STARRING
Anthony Brownrigg - Jim
Arianne Martin - Victoria
Edward Landers - Carl

Genre - Horror/Comedy

Running Time - 89 Minutes

Score - 3.5 Howls Outta 4


During my lifetime, I plan on writing a horror novel and/or a horror film that will make people shit their pants. It's gonna be suspenseful. It's gonna be memorable. And it'll sure be damn bloody! But you can't just go on and write something horrific. You need inspiration. You need a muse that will lead you to that dark place where evil things grow [similar to Paris Hilton's vagina]. It could be a childhood trauma. It could be a phobia. It could be a hot dead chick who wants to make it with you on your king size water bed after she murders your friends. It's different for everybody.

For Jim in RED VICTORIA, his muse happens to be that dead girl I mentioned in the last paragraph. Some people may say that Jim is crazy to be inspired by a smartass zombie with a fetish for death. But I say that Jim did right by Victoria because RED VICTORIA is a rare example of a horror-comedy that works.

PLOT
Jim (Anthony Brownrigg) is an uptight writer who is failing in selling scripts in the drama genre. His agent advises Jim to change gears and write a horror script because good or bad, any studio will film it. Jim refuses, feeling that horror is beneath him. Besides, Jim knows nothing about horror. But to keep paying his bills and maintaining his agent, Jim gives in.

Having a rough day with writer's block and lack of inspiration, Jim gets drunk and starts reciting Shakespeare. This magically creates a muse - a sexy homicidal zombie named Victoria (Arianne Martin). Freaked out and thinking he's crazy, he attempts to seek help from his psychiatrist. But before he can get any answers, Victoria murders him and anyone in her way of getting Jim to write some good horror. When Jim's horror fanatic buddy, Carl (Edward Landers), can also see Victoria, Jim wonders what's going on. With Victoria's and Carl's help, Jim attempts in writing a great horror script. But Jim wants to get rid of Victoria, even if it kills him.

REVIEW
RED VICTORIA is a pleasant surprise from the world of low-budget Indie Horror. It's not really a horror film in the traditional sense, nor is it a comedy in the traditional sense. But something about the combination works in the film's favor, creating a memorable experience.

The story written by Anthony Brownrigg [who also produced, directed, and starred] is pretty smart and somewhat original. With a limited amount of characters, the story moves quickly and we get time with each character to see them develop. Jim, in particular, gives the film a ton of perspective. Here's a guy who doesn't get horror and constantly mocks it because he feels it's beneath him. But once Victoria constantly annoys him, he falls into the horror traps like plotting her demise on hallowed ground, using mythical daggers on Halloween, and so on. It proves the point that writing horror isn't about scaring people. We have to know what's scary before we can scare anyone else. Jim constantly fights this because he doesn't want to be vulnerable and be part of something he may not be able to recover from. It's humanistic in a fantasy realm and many horror writers forget that. Brownrigg doesn't and it helps build RED VICTORIA into a success.

The other main character, being Victoria, is also developed extremely well. We're never sure how she died or why she's really trying to help Jim, but her presence is the catalyst that breaks Jim's walls down. Jim and Victoria are really two sides of the same coin. While Jim likes control and keep his thoughts and feelings to himself, Victoria is the total opposite. She murders people because it's fun. She manipulates Jim because she can. While she's aware of the consequences, Victoria just doesn't care. Victoria also represents the woman Jim needs in his life, as she's the only one who is able to get him to open up in some fashion. They balance each other out and Jim is scared that someone can see right through him, leading to their constant back-and-forth battle.

And then we have Carl, who is pretty much Jim and Victoria put together. He's the big horror fan, reminding Jim and the viewers on the horror rules and what weapons are acceptable or not. Horror fans will relate to him right away, creating a nice in-between guy for us to latch onto.

The dialogue is also great too. The characters sound like real people, dead or not, and don't say things just for the sake of saying them. Each of their words carry meaning. Even the things they don't say are quite powerful. Brownrigg wrote a great piece of literature here, proving that horror can be smart and effective.

Brownrigg also directed the film, which he did a very nice job with. Even with a budget of only $5000, Brownrigg managed to reveal his vision wonderfully. The pacing is quick and the editing is spot-on. The film looks cheap but the cinematography is beautiful, with the framing and composition shots looking extremely professional. The music captured the mood and atmosphere well throughout. Even the special effects are extremely cool, looking better than most big budgeted blockbusters out there. Brownrigg made this film look like a million bucks with his drive and hard work. I would like to see what he could do with a much bigger budget if he can do incredible work with such a small one.

The acting was fantastic. Brownrigg is the star of the film as Jim and carries the film on his back from beginning to end. He's a natural as a struggling writer and I'm sure he took some of his past experiences and brought them into the character of Jim. He had a great sense of playing the nervous time, translating his insecurities and fears on screen. No complaints. Edward Landers as Carl was pretty funny and extremely likeable. But the star here is Arianne Martin as Victoria. She was charming, off-beat in an alluring way, and very hot. She and Brownrigg played off each other extremely well, creating a nice chemistry that captured your attention whenever they were on screen. The makeup job on her could have been a little better, but Martin worked it like a charm.

The DVD also contains a blooper reel, deleted scenes, and behind the scenes stuff. While they don't enhance the experience all that much, they're nice to have and all worth watching at least once if you're interested.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE QUESTIONING MY STANCE ON NECROPHILIA

- Jim tried to find his horror muse by attempting to scare himself with his own reflection in the mirror. That only works if you're Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers, pal!

- If you want an undead muse to help with your writing, recite Macbeth while intoxicated in front of a clock. Remember: If you're lost, she can look and she will find you - time after time. If you fall, she will catch you - she will be waiting - time after time.

- The pool guy felt like a fool over constantly coming by to clean the leaves in Jim's pool. I guess like the rest of us, even pool guys are drowning for respect.

- Jim used bullets, a pentagram, voodoo, and even garlic to get rid of Victoria to no avail. Just like Paris Hilton and her crabs, Victoria is impossible to get rid of.

- Jim was upset when a friend of his was splattered by an oncoming bus in the middle of the street. I don't know why. Hello Jim, there's a song that we're singing. C'mon get happy!

- Victoria doesn't mind being asked questions but refuses to answer them. She must have been a Miss USA Contestant in a past life. I'd like to see her thoughts on health care!

THE FINAL HOWL
I enjoyed the hell out of RED VICTORIA. Subtle, clever, and entertaining - this has to be one of the best indie horror flicks I've seen in quite some time. It has a great script, great acting, blood, guts, and a hot undead chick - what more do you want from a horror film? Definitely worth a look if you're looking for inspiration that good horror still exists out there.