DIRECTED BY
Philip Gunn
David Valdez

STARRING
Ross Kelly - Philbert
Ashley Bryce - Valerie
Jared Herholtz - Edwin
Isaac Kappy - Buzter Pie
Mike Miller - Bonzo
Chris K. Payne - Puff

Genre - Horror/Slasher/Comedy/Clowns

Running Time - 84 Minutes


I always dread having to review a horror film involving clowns. While there are some decent-to-good ones, such as DRIVE THRU, IT, and KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE, a majority of them are pretty terrible. The last two films I've watched involving clowns, CHUCKLE'S REVENGE and ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN, left bad tastes in my mouth. Hell, I hate clowns in general. Why do I bother even reviewing anything involving these spawns of Satan?

I guess when you see a title called KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE [which is being released on DVD by Troma Entertainment], you tend to be slightly intrigued...and horrified about the prospect of the film's quality. But I shouldn't complain too much. After all, I received the DVD screener free with all special features intact and without that distracting logo to stop people from putting the film on torrent sites. I also shouldn't complain about the film itself, as it actually happens to be a silly slasher film that's quite a lot of fun! Who knew? Smack me with a pie and let's review this surprisingly good clown flick!

PLOT
A clown boot camp has finally reopened after 15 years, recruiting a few clowns who want to master their pie throwing and balloon animal making. During a campfire, the clowns learn of a legend about Edwin the Clown (Jared Herholtz), who 15 years prior was unable to make his clown peers laugh when a cell phone interruption disrupted his stage act. Edwin, being frustrated as he was seen as a joke and a failure, decided to murder his classmates viciously and go into hiding. Old Man Bonzo (Mike Miller), losing his television show because of the crimes, decided to reopen the camp to bring back its good reputation [which is now at "Death Curse" status]. However, Edwin learns about this and decides that he'll make sure the camp closes down again by murdering these rookie clowns in really horrific ways...for good!

REVIEW
Color me surprised, but KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE is a hoot of a slasher film. Paying homage to more popular slasher movies, such as 1978's HALLOWEEN and the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise, this independent low-budget horror-comedy knows exactly what it is and works very hard in making sure the audience is aware of it. And I must say, while the film isn't perfect, KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE has a lot to be proud of as its success rate is a lot higher than one would expect, myself included.

Writers/directors Philip Gunn and David Valdez present a really silly, yet fun and kind of clever screenplay that just shows their love for the slasher sub-genre. On the surface, KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE is your typical slasher movie. The killer wants revenge because he feels scorned and is traumatized by something in his past. The scene of the crime is reopened or celebrating something that reminds the killer of the past, making him want to celebrate in his own way. The characters are pretty stereotypical, or in this case, variations of expected clowns you have seen before. There is also over-the-top violence and lots of sex and T & A. It's FRIDAY THE 13TH, but with clowns. So if that's your thing, then you should enjoy the main plotline of the movie.

What makes KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE stand out, however, is how far it goes with the clown motif. This movie could have just had a clown killer murdering other clowns just like your typical slasher. But the film happens to be much more structured than that. For one, it seems the world that KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE lives in revolves around the life of clowns. Very early in the film, we see that much of what's on television is related to what clowns do. The news reporter is a clown. There are hip-hop videos starring clowns. There are television shows and cartoons - all starring clowns. Even the magazine world showcases clowns. It's as if clowns have taken over in this universe, with regular "non-clown" people being the minority. It actually creates a silly, yet unique, atmosphere to the film. These clowns don't feel like outsiders when most of everyone else in the world is a clown, as it's a family tradition. I think it was a great touch to do this and made the film a lot more watchable, in my opinion.

I also liked the variation in clown characters. While the character development isn't all that deep [then again, how many slasher films have deep characterization?], the looks and personalities of each main clown character are all distinct. Valerie is a sad clown with pink hair and a tear and frown painted on her face. She's also the deepest character, as she doesn't want to be a clown but does it to please her grandfather. She also has deep skeletons in her closet that continuity bring trauma to her life. Philbert is the rookie clown. Butzer Pie is the Juggalo-looking clown who's a bit of a troublemaker, due to being from the streets. He looks like a member of KISS with his face paint, being the bad boy of the group. Puff is the magician clown, who actually has special powers relating to magic. And Edwin is the non-funny, messed up in the head clown who enjoys murdering others. There's also a cowboy clown, a nerd clown, a mentally slow clown, and even a pervert clown who wears a trenchcoat with not much underneath as he constantly masturbates, which you can tell by the silly sound effects that comes [no pun intended] with it. We also watch them doing typical clown activities, such as using whoopie cushions, throwing pies, and spraying seltzer water at each other. Some of these clowns get more screen time than others, but all of them are easy to identify and are fun to watch. I'm surprised none of them annoyed me, but I really liked watching all of them!

The homages to other slasher and horror films are also well done and a treat for fans who know these movies. Part of the opening theme sounds like a different take on the John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN theme, which quickly changes into one that sounds like the original FRIDAY THE 13TH theme. As a matter of fact, anytime Edwin is about to kill, we hear the classic "ki ki ki ma ma ma" but with a clown twist. The scene around the campfire, talking about the legend of Edwin, seems to be inspired mainly by FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. There's a "Death Curse" character that's obviously inspired by the first two FRIDAY THE 13TH films. Edwin has a cabin nearby the camp, like Jason Voorhees. There's a car chase scene that seems to be taken from HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS. There's even a FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES parody. And Butzer, doing his best Suicide from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD impersonation, quotes, "You think this is a fuckin' costume? This is a way of life!" A lot of these moments made me laugh as I was impressed that KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE managed to still be its own film even with all these nods to the past.

As for your typical slasher film, you definitely get a lot of gory violence and very sexual situations. The death scenes manage to be quite creative and funny. One clown gets scalped and has his brain squeezed so the juice can run down. We get a hitchhiker [spoofed from the original FRIDAY THE 13TH] on the way to the camp, who is murdered by getting her face squashed into a car window. One clown gets hooked and then grounded inside a haystack machine. Another clown gets a pie to the face, followed by a knife to the face. One gets hung by the neck. Another gets acid to the face, which melts it all off. We get a few decapitations, explosions, mallet bashings, throat slicings, gunshots, and even a clown getting sawed in half. For a low budget film, I thought all the death sequences looked really fantastic and very professional looking. I was quite impressed and even "ooh" and "ahh"'d at some of them. As for the sex, we get a ton of boobs, close to frontal male nudity, and even a really funny sex scene with clown noises. Pretty funny stuff.

The direction by Philip Gunn and David Valdez is really great. I would have thought this production had a bigger budget than it actually did - the movie looks that good. The editing is solid. The composition and framing is perfect for this type of film. There's also quite a lot of style here. For example, the opening sequence, which is supposedly shot on a VHS camcorder in 1991, is being watched on said VHS tape with grain, snow, and just worn out footage to make it look authentic. The flashback with Edwin is shot in black and white, almost noir-style. Even a lot of subtle touches, such as the blood stains that resembles a clown face on a mirror, to all the well-shot homages of previous horror films, are just well planned and well structured visually. Usually having more than one director could really screw up a project, but Gunn and Valdez obviously love the genre and were able to collaborate very well together to come out with a superior product. The film is called KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE and these two men give you exactly what you're expecting visually. I dug it.

I won't get into all the actors in the film, but they were all great in their roles. They were silly, over-the-top, and dedicated to each of their roles. I felt Jared Herholtz stood out as the killer Edwin, embracing the role. I also thought Isaac Kappy as Butzer Pie was very funny. And the cameo by Troma's own Lloyd Kaufman was great as well. I really liked the cast as they all worked well together to bring the script to life.

The DVD also has 2 hours of Special Features including:

- Audio Commentary by Co-Directors David Valdez and Philip Gunn and Executive Producer Darren Gunn
- Deleted Scenes
-"The Making Of..." Featurette
-6 Webisodes
- Trailer

Good stuff.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BLOWING UP MY WHOOPIE CUSHION

- Edwin scalped his roommate and squeezed his brains into the roommate's colorful cereal. Ironically, the Fruit Loop is Edwin himself.

- Some creepy dude warned the clowns not to go to Camp Sparkly Lake. I agree. Those TWILIGHT idiots live there. I'll take my chances with the mentally challenged mama's boy at the other lake.

- Edwin hooked the Southern Cowboy Clown and grounded his body into a machine that took grass and grouped it into a box. I guess the cops are gonna have to find a needle-dick in a haystack!

- One of the clowns had her boobs painted as puppies. This explains why her pussy is foaming at the mouth. Ew...

- A pie exploded in one of the clown's faces, killing him. This is usually a great thing...in bed.

THE FINAL HOWL
Never judge a film by its title or cover, because KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE happens to be a lot of fun and well worth a look if you love slashers. The film looks great, the narrative is solid for the most part [not all the jokes work], the acting is pretty good, and the homages will leave horror fans with smiles on their faces. If you like your horror-comedies tongue-in-cheek, you'll get a kick out of this one. Just make sure you laugh often. You don't want a bitter clown leaving you a deadly whoopie cushion on your seat...

SCORE
3.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Steve O'Brien
Warren Speed

STARRING
Seymour Mace - Johnny Hellfire
Warren Speed - Pervo the Clown
Victoria Hopkins - Skye Brannigan
Victoria Broom - Rachel Brannigan
Marysia Kay - Red Zander
Peter Bonner - Zeus
Kate Soulsby - Harmony Starr
Bill Fellows - Henry Zander
Gillian Settle - Blue Zander
Christian Steel - Tycho Zander

Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies/Indie

Running Time - 85 Minutes


Have you ever wondered what type of women Satan is attracted to? I mean, does he fancy model-esque women, like Gisele Bundchen or Heidi Klum? Does he like bigger women, like Mo'Nique or Kirstie Alley? Maybe he likes men who dress like women, like RuPaul, who knows? What do you think?

Wait...you've never asked yourself these questions?

Do you want to know why?

Because NO ONE GIVES A BLOODY FOOK!

And neither do the creators of ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN, where Satan doesn't even make an appearance or get a slight mention, even though his name is plastered to sell copies of this independent horror film from the great United Kingdom. You know what else the creators don't give a bloody fook about? A decent script, direction, or even entertaining its audience.

That's right, everyone. It's one of those reviews. The WTF? Vault is back after a six-month hiatus, ready to bite into this piece of zombie crap! God save the Queen...and my sanity!

PLOT
A group of traveling burlesque performers [Johnny Hellfire (Seymour Mace), Pervo the Clown (Warren Speed), Harmony Starr (Kate Soulsby), Zeus the dwarf (Peter Bonner), Damage (Joe Nicholson), and singer Skye Brannigan (Victoria Hopkins)] grab the attention of a really weird family, who seem to be inviting naive ladies to drink their Kool-Aid. The son, Tycho (Christian Steel), hosts an internet TV show and wants to interview the group. Unfortunately, things at the cult are taking a turn for the worse. It seems Tycho's father, Henry (Bill Fellows), is doing some experiments on these cult girls, turning them into zombies.

It seems that someone spiked the Kool-Aid with the zombie serum at one of the cult parties that occurred during the TV interview, turning all the cult members into blood-hungry zombies. Warned by his sisters Red (Marysia Kay) and Blue (Gillian Settle), Tycho locks the burlesque group inside the studio while he and his sisters deal with the problem. Unfortunately, Skye recognizes her long-lost sister Rachel (Victoria Broom) as one of the uninfected cult girls, giving her motivation to kill these zombies and rescue Rachel. The other members just try and survive while making the lamest jokes ever.

Where's that bomb from THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD when you need it? It would have saved me 85 minutes of my life.

REVIEW
ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is a low budgeted horror film that was made by people who wanted to make a film for themselves and their friends, forgetting that an actual audience with some level of taste would be watching also. It's even more frustrating when the film has such a cool title and a concept that really is sure-fire for success, budget or not. But when you have incapable filmmakers behind-the-scenes, it all goes to poop.

The biggest culprit is the screenplay. I really don't know where to start because there's just so many things wrong with how the narrative is presented. I guess I can start with something positive and say that the narrative moves from a point A to a point B without confusing its audience. After all, ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is pretty much a movie where a man, thinking he's God, creates zombies who want to feed on innocent humans who'll kill them to survive. You really can't screw that up. Fortunately, Seymour Mace and Steve O'Brien make the main plot of the film understandable enough that we understand what's going on and accept things in context of the story. Unfortunately, that's as far as the plot development goes. The surface is fine, but there's no depth or meat to make anyone want to care what they're watching here.

One of the reasons for this is lack of character development. On paper, all these characters sound great. Pervo the Clown is a perverted clown who loves banging women. Skye Brannigan is an edgy rock singer who kicks ass once she learns her sister is still alive. The Zander family are a bunch of kooks who run a cult and uses their members as lab rats. Just typing that makes ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN sound more interesting than it actually is. We know nothing about these characters because we're given nothing. Yeah, they all do things within the film that makes them stand apart from each other in a stereotypical fashion, but all horror films do that. We get no back stories for these characters. They don't really change from beginning to end. They do things that leave me bored, uninterested, or confused because they come off as one-dimensional rather than actual people. Most zombie films work well because the protagonists are colorful, fleshed-out, and actually behave in ways that we can understand and relate to them. Since I have no opportunity to know these characters on more than just a superficial level, why should I, or anyone else, care?

The lack of character development stems from the fact that nothing is really explained in detail. Henry performs these experiments on these girls behind Tycho's back. Why? What is his purpose for doing this? Is he trying to bring a loved one back to life? No. Does he want to play God? Not sure because nothing in the film is able to answer that. It's there because it has to be there for the story to work. Why are there zombies? Because Henry is making them. But I couldn't tell you why.

Same goes to the rest of his family. The Zanders are a really kooky bunch, and if they were three-dimensional, they could have been great characters. The problem is that we don't know why they do the things they do. Why is Tycho running a cult when he seems to be pretty made as a TV internet host? Yeah, he's banging all the girls in the cult but what else is there? Why is his mother chained to a wall in Henry's lab? She's obviously insane, but was she like that before being the family's prisoner? Did Henry do that to her in an experiment? All I know about this woman is that she lost more than few marbles, begs Henry to touch and fuck her [I'm not kidding - she does this on more than one occasion to an annoyingly degree], and enjoys kissing her son while watching him bang a zombie, which was filmed on a video camera by his father, Henry. And I won't go into Red and Blue, who just seem indifferent about the whole incestuous situation as if it's normal. These are all interesting developments in a screenplay, but they're nothing without any sort of explanation behind them. I'm not supposed to take things for a grain of salt. I'm supposed to understand why things are happening the way they're supposed to in this film by a good screenwriter explaining to me through well-developed scenes and/or dialogue.

The other group of characters are no strangers to this either. Pervo the Clown brings women to his hotel room, plays Twister with them, and supposedly sleeps with them. Johnny Hellfire is annoyed by Pervo's behavior, yet takes one of his girls to his room. What does he do with her? Ties her to a chair as he duct tapes her mouth, while two other women wearing gas masks are sitting and watching the show.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with that??? What does this mean? Why are these characters doing this?

Also, it seems Pervo has a thing for Johnny, as he actually masturbates to a photo of him after an argument, trying to convince himself that he isn't gay. Not once was this subplot ever brought up beforehand or even played out in a way that it comes off as natural rather than a joke that misfires in every single way. Having just the punchline doesn't make people laugh. It just pisses them off.

Speaking of a shitty joke, there's literally a close to ten minute sequence of Zeus taking a dump in the woods as a zombie chases after him. I'm not kidding. He takes two minutes to find a damn spot, and then another five or six to push it out. And of course, we get all the poop sounds for those without the benefit of being deaf or dumb. And did I forget to mention that the last moment of this sequence is actually seeing his poop steaming on the grass in a close-up? It's not funny. It doesn't move the story along. It's not like DATE MOVIE, where Jinxers the Cat takes that massive dump in the toilet. That's funny because it's a puppet cat, it's out-of-the-blue and gives the cat some character [as juvenile as it is], and doesn't last ten fuckin' minutes! I could see something stupid like this in a spoof film. This type of filler doesn't belong in a zombie horror film.

Hell, most of the film is filled with jokes like these. Some might make you chuckle slightly at how stupid they are, but most of them will just make you make you wish you were watching something else. Oh look at Pervo wearing nipple tassels on his ass while he takes a pee! Are Pervo and Johnny making fun of each other with the unfunniest disses ever? Awesome! Golly, how funny is watching the characters playing with the zombie's boobs rather than killing her? I'm dying all right, but it isn't from laughter. The funniest part of the film was watching a zombie go after a victim in a wheelchair. At least that was memorable for all the right reasons, unlike 95 percent of this film. I guess I sold my sense of humor to Satan to watch this movie. I'm definitely asking for a refund.

As for the dialogue, let's just say that I almost thought Rob Zombie had written it. If there was a drinking game for the number of F-bombs that were dropped during this movie, I'd be dead from alcohol poisoning. And they're used just because the word "fuck" is edgy and dangerous, man! I also "love" that Skye's battle cry after each kill is "You bitch!" How clever.

Look, I'm not looking for David Mamet here. But every filmmaker should put some effort into their script. Just because you have a small budget doesn't mean you should have a small script. The screenplay has to be the best thing about this type of film. Unfortunately, it's the worst thing about it, which ruins the entire experience. If there was some actually care and polish during the writing process, this film could have been pretty great because there are actual moments here that could have led to really effective and memorable scenes. But I guess since the filmmakers figured that cussing and displaying boobs every three minutes would make up for that. Silly me.

Speaking of boobs, ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is full of them. At least this distracted me from being completely bored. I have to thank that one zombie whose fun bags were so huge, that I'm surprised she didn't knock herself out while running. Her children will be so lucky when they're born. Sure, it's a bit sexist since [besides Pervo, who is shirtless and has an ass shot] pretty much all the zombie women are nude to some extent. But that sexism is the only thing that doesn't feel forced in this film. So I'll take it and enjoy it as little as I can. How do you think I managed to watch this film for 90 minutes? The story? Psh!

The gore isn't great, but there's a lot of red stuff here. Unfortunately, the FX isn't all that convincing and most of the deaths take place off screen. As a matter of fact, most of these zombies die to massive blows to the head. And when we do see them die in other ways, you can clearly tell it's a mannequin getting it. It's a low budget, so that's understandable. But that's why a stronger script was needed here. This only adds to how bad this film really is.

The direction by both Steve O'Brien and Warren Speed is unimpressive. The camera work annoyed me more times than I could count. It shook a whole lot during the fight scenes. The editing is terrible. There were a lot of shots from the ground that, I guess, was supposed to create some sort of creepy effect, but it just comes off as amateur. Slow motion is also used here, but it's done in unoriginal ways. Even the timing and pacing is off. Not a visual masterpiece, that's for sure.

The acting was okay. I won't get into everyone, but they all did fine with what they were given. I thought Seymour Mace, Warren Speed, Christian Steel, and Victoria Hopkins were the better actors here for all different reasons. It would have been nice if they had better material at their disposal, but apparently these Zombie Women don't believe in that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE REALIZING THAT THE ONLY SATANIC THING ABOUT THIS FILM ARE THE 85 MINUTES OF HELL I SACRIFICED WATCHING IT

- Henry's wife constantly begged him, "Touch me! Touch me!" Ew, she is no Samantha Fox! Still, "Naughty Girls Need Love Too".

- Pervo the Clown, The World's Greatest Knife Thrower, didn't throw any, taking his assistant, Harmony Starr, away instead. I guess he'll feed her his sword backstage then...

- Tycho renamed one of the cult girls "Zed". Well, she does make his "monster" grow...

- A bunch of girls turned into zombies after drinking some spiked Kool-Aid. Next time, more sugar and less Trioxin. Oh yeah!

- Tycho used golf club to kill a zombie. Before you swing and score, you must yell "Fore!" before nailing that whore. Tiger Woods would be proud.

- Tycho screwed a zombie while his dad videotaped it for Tycho's mom. Incest AND necrophilia - looks like this family tajes the game of Taboo a bit too seriously...

THE FINAL HOWL
I watch films looking for the good rather than the bad. This is especially true for low budget horror films. But doing that for ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN is pretty much an impossible task. It's not the worst film I've seen, but it's pretty close. I can forgive the cheap looking gore and special effects. I can forgive the really campy acting. But I can't forgive a horrible script, which should be the main focus for any low budget movie. And with terrible direction as well, I can't recommend this film to anyone at all - unless you like really lame, juvenile humor and a dwarf taking a dump for 10 minutes. If you want to watch a true zombie-comedy from the UK, stick with SHAUN OF THE DEAD. I'm sending ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN to the WTF? Vault, where it can rot for all I care and...

SCORE
0.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
James Mangold

STARRING
Tom Cruise - Roy Miller
Cameron Diaz - June Havens
Peter Sarsgaard - Fitzgerald
Jordi Molla - Antonio
Viola Davis - Director George
Paul Dano - Simon Feck
Marc Blucas - Rodney
Maggie Grace - April Havens

Genre - Action/Comedy

Running Time - 110 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4



Tom Cruise is seen as a lot of things. He's an acting veteran for the past 25+ years. He's an action star. He's a dramatic actor. He's become a comedic actor. He's a Scientologist. He's a complete nutjob. He's delusional about science and the world around him. But the most important part is that he's a huge star with a ton of box office appeal. That's right everyone, Tom Cruise knows how to bring the goods to the silver screen.

Well...that was until his KNIGHT AND DAY, 2010's supposed summer action blockbuster, failed at the box office and has become Cruise's lowest grossing action film to date. With the media backlash [even after his hilarious turn as Lou Grossman at 2010's MTV Movie Awards] and reviews from critics who pretty much bashed KNIGHT AND DAY, the film did a dismal box office take in its first weekend and has dropped dramatically ever since.

Which is a shame, because the film isn't all that bad and is made for the mindless summer blockbuster season. However, there are flaws to KNIGHT AND DAY that make it a possible watch instead of a must-see event.

PLOT
Roy Miller (Tom Cruise), is an FBI agent who may or may not have gone rogue, but is definitely in possession of a ultra-powered battery that everyone seems to want a hold of. He bumps into June Havens (Cameron Diaz) at the airport as she's about to catch a flight to Boston to attend her sister's (Maggie Grace) wedding. While June seems to be smitten with Roy, Roy is using June as a mule for the battery without her knowledge. On the flight, Roy is attacked by assassins and murders them all, taking June as a partner/hostage.

After some hilarity, Roy tells June that FBI agents (Peter Sarsgaard and Viola Davis) want this battery and that they'll tell her that he's insane and not to be trusted. Not sure who to trust at this point, June decides to go along with Roy's story, causing her to be caught up in Roy's life of espionage. Also, they fall in love...like you couldn't guess that.

REVIEW
KNIGHT AND DAY is mostly a fun, mindless action film that is a more comedic and cartoon-ish version of the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE franchise [also starring Cruise]. You're caught up in the excitement, the visuals are nice, and it's well paced. Unfortunately, there's something missing about KNIGHT AND DAY that makes it a standout.

Let's deal with the positives first. The acting is very solid in KNIGHT AND DAY. Say what you want about Tom Cruise's personal life, but no one can say he's a terrible actor. In fact, he's the best part of the film and carries it quite well. We all know Cruise can handle action and he does that fantastically here, doing most of his own stunts and having fun riding his motorcycle through Spain while bulls chase him and assassins want to shoot his brains out. But Cruise also brings on the funny here, really making Roy a certifiable lunatic in terms of his actions and behavior. This makes him engaging to watch, as he's always confidence, charismatic, and definitely excited to be on screen. I wish he had better material to play off of here, but Cruise makes it work and it's a joy to watch him do what he does best.

Cameron Diaz, who I usually find pretty annoying in most films to be honest, is actually more than okay here. She plays the confused and neurotic June to perfection and actually looks pretty cute doing it. While she does have her action moments, especially towards the end, she's mainly the girlfriend/eye candy role that we usually see in action films. But she handles it well and maintains incredible chemistry with Cruise [who already worked together in 2001's VANILLA SKY]. I wouldn't mind see them do another film together.

The other actors are also very good, but they're not given much to do. I will say that Peter Sarsgaard and Marc Blucas are the standouts in the supporting roles. Sarsgaard's role is very predictable but he does the most with it. And Blucas has a funny scene with both Cruise and Diaz that's one of the better moments in the film.

The direction by James Mangold is also very good, even though it's not his best work as a director. Comparing KNIGHT AND DAY to his work on GIRL, INTERRUPTED, 3:10 TO YUMA remake, and especially WALK THE LINE, isn't really fair. But Mangold shoots the action scenes well [even though I noticed Cruise's stunt double very clearly in one shot that made me laugh] and he keeps the film light-hearted. Mangold seems more focused on the chemistry and relationship between Roy and June rather than all the exciting stuff that's around them, which doesn't hurt the film much at all. In fact, I'm glad Mangold focused more on the comedy than on the action, since it takes stale premise and adds something to it to make it a bit staler. Nice direction all around.

The action sequences are also fun, even if they are pretty much action film norms. From the running of the bulls scene, to the rooftop chase, to shootouts in a warehouse, and to dealing with explosions on an island, they're everything you'd want in a film like this. They're over-the-top and pretty implausible, but the film never takes itself all that seriously anyway, so I have no qualms.

What makes KNIGHT AND DAY suffer, however, is the poor script by Patrick O'Neill. While the film does manage to get to point A to point B to point C, it doesn't really develop the journey much to really be memorable at the end. The subplot with the battery is sort of a McGruffin, even though it is the reason why the events occur. It felt like an afterthought to me because it wasn't really the focus of the film. I was too busy wondering why June would fall in love with Roy one minute, want to beat the shit out of him the next, and then fall right back in love all over again. I don't think characters in romantic comedies are that confused.

That brings me to the characters here. The development doesn't really exist for anyone other than Roy and June. Roy is the ultimate spy - reckless, cocky, full of expertise and superhuman abilities, and always one step ahead of everyone else. You even question if the guy is a hero or a villain, especially during the first half of the film. Obviously O'Neill was focused on Roy more than anyone. June is less developed, which you can tell because she likes to talk to herself alot to explain how she's feeling so the audience can understand - i.e. lazy screenwriting. We barely share in her family life and she seems so desperate for a man that it's off-putting at times. I was never sure what to make of June. The only thing that saved the character was Diaz's performance.

And the supporting characters really get the shaft here. June's sister is barely in the film, even though the reason June goes to Boston is for her sister's wedding. Maggie Grace gets barely three minutes of screentime. Rodney, played by Blucas, seems like a foil for Roy over June's affections, but he just comes off as a likeable dolt who also happens to be a firefighter. Not much is done with him. And Fitzgerald is pretty much a predictable action character [I won't spoil it] but Sarsgaard deserved better.

I will say I did enjoy much of the dialogue, as it was witty and funny. So that's a plus.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE NOT MAKING FUN OF TOM CRUISE'S RELIGION [OKAY...ALMOST]

- Roy and June constantly bump into each other at the airport. Either it means the two are destined to be together, or one of them is a filthy, clumsy bitch who deserves to be smacked around, even if they are holding a baby in their arms!!

...Sorry. Mel Gibson likes to possess me every once in a while. Moving on...

- Roy had to deal with assassins on an airplane. If Harrison Ford was President, those bastards would have gotten off of the plane and it's be the end of that!

- Roy hit a scarecrow while landing a plane. He should be less worried about a brain and more concerned with getting better life insurance.

- Roy managed to survive being squeezed in between two cars inside of a tunnel. That's the power of Xenu, baby!

- Roy wanted a waitress to serve everyone pie inside of a diner as he held June at gunpoint. Only on The L Word does everyone get a piece of pie, Roy. Only on The L Word.

- Roy shot Rodney in the leg as he tried to save June. Man, he used to be able to take more than that. Ever since he broke up with Buffy, his boring ass got weak!

- Roy and June got cozy on a private island. Because islands in the stream, that is what they are. No one in-between, how can they be wrong?

- June followed Roy as he tried to make a deal for the battery. Some women just don't have any faith in their man. I say don't trust a ho. Never trust a ho. Hell, I won't trust a ho 'cause the ho won't trust me.

- Don't steal someone's battery. Unlike it, you won't keep going and going and going when it explodes in your face.

THE FINAL HOWL
KNIGHT AND DAY is a good action film if you don't want to think too much. Basically, perfect for summer escapism. Unfortunately, the story is pretty weak and the characters could have been developed better for the audience to care more about what they were watching. But the acting is solid [especially by Tom Cruise, who's career ISN'T over yet] and the direction is good. It'll make a good date movie and a definite rental when it's released on DVD and Blu-Ray.

DIRECTED BY
Thunder Levin

STARRING
C. Thomas Howell - David
Tyshawn Bryant - G-Dog
Rachel Montez Collins - Latiffa
Gregory Allan Williams - Dr. Reginald Monte
Johanna Watts - Lisa
Robert Wu - Dragon
KeiKabou Holland - Larson
Maxie J. Santillan Jr. - Old Man

Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies

Running Time - 90 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4


I spent quite some time in the 'hood, being from Brooklyn, New York. I've seen gang violence. I've seen drug dealing. I've seen some bad stuff go down. But never...and I do mean NEVER...have I've witnessed mutant vampire zombies in my 'hood.

Unless you count stoners. Then yes, I have seen MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD. Anyway, read the review before I pop a cap in yo' ass, homey!

PLOT
In South Central, Los Angeles, a cop named David (C. Thomas Howell) and his partner hide out at the rafters of a warehouse where two rival gangs are meeting. The leader of the black gang, G-Dog (Tyshawn Bryant), wants to exchange drugs with the Asian gang leader, Dragon (Robert Wu), for his girl Latiffa (Rachel Montez Collins). The police bust goes bad, as David and his partner are outnumbered. While a shoot out occurs between the three groups, a huge solar flare hits Earth. Everyone in the warehouse is knocked unconscious because of it.

They all wake up hours later, only to find that the world has drastically changed. The solar flare seems to have mutated anyone in contact with it [meaning whoever was outdoors during the event] with its radiation, turning them into flesh-eating, blood-hungry zombies. The three rival gangs unite to take out this new species as they head to the safety of an astrophysicist (Gregory Allan Williams) and his really hot daughter (Johanna Watts), who seem to have the key to stopping these creatures and staying alive.

REVIEW
Now you may all be thinking: "With a title like MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD, this film must really suck!", right? Fortunately, MVZFTH is actually a pretty good flick! It's funny. It's well-acted. And for a very low budget feature, it looks pretty damn cool! Who knew?

The screenplay for WVZFTH is surprisingly smart and well-written in general. Obviously, the film isn't original in its storytelling. If you've seen NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD or other popular zombie movies, you know how things supposed to go.

A: Some strange substance [gas, virus, solar flare] turns people into flesh-craving creatures.

B: A group of survivors who don't see eye-to-eye encounter these creatures, wondering what caused them and doing anything in their power to live.

C: They all group up in a safe place, disagreeing with how to do things to maintain their survival.

D: The creatures break into this safe place, putting the survivors' alliances to the test.

MVZFTH runs the same way, pretty much. It takes elements of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, mixed with NIGHT OF THE COMET, with an added sprinkle of 28 DAYS LATER to complete the stew. And it actually works for the most part. Not only are these films referenced, but so are NOSFERATU, ALIENS, and SNAKES ON A PLANE to various degrees of success. In fact, the Larson character [G-Dog's right hand man] is the Bill Paxton role from ALIENS, who's always terrified by the situation and rants about horror movies to express his points. These self-references shouldn't work as well as they do, but I found myself laughing at most of them. Color me surprised.

The dialogue is also pretty well written. The comedy is actually funny and there's hardly any exposition. When characters say something, the words actually move the story forward. There are also moments where stereotypes are thrown at certain characters, playing around with them to a great and comedic effect. The screenplay was really well-paced and I never felt all that bored once the zombies showed up within 20 minutes of the movie. I will say that the characters aren't all that developed and it would have been nice to know more about them so, as an audience, we could care about them and their fates. A little more depth would have been nice but it doesn't really hurt the film all that much at the end.

The special effects of MVZFTH are more than decent. The SFX and makeup were done by American Makeup and Effects, who have worked on all three PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN films and JARHEAD. The zombies look pretty good and the gore is pretty nice as well. We get a lot of gun shots and necks being bitten by zombies. Not too shabby at all. For a low budget movie, it was nice to see that the money was spent on the right things.

The direction by Thunder Levin was also nicely handled. The movie was well-paced with its tight editing. The cinematography was pretty nice. The fight sequences were nicely choreographed and pretty exciting. They weren't perfect but I enjoyed them. I really can't say anything negative about the visuals in this movie. The film looked really good and also sounded really good. Thunder Levin is no hack, that's for sure. Definitely thumbs up from me.

The acting was also decent for the most part. C. Thomas Howell does more than well here as the lead. I've always liked the guy since the 1980s and it's too bad he doesn't have a better career. He's a talented actor and I enjoyed him here. His moments where he would try and act black reminded me of SOUL MAN, which made me nostalgic. Tyshawn Bryant was more than capable as G-Dog. He was the stereotypical black gang member, but he put more depth into a thinly written character than what was needed. Good job. Robert Wu was also good as Dragon. He had certain emotional moments that he handled well. KeiKabou Holland was a highlight as Larson. His rants about NOSFERATU were very funny and he made the film more entertaining overall. Gregory Allan Williams, or Baywatch fame, brought class to his role. Johanna Watts as Lisa was extremely hot AND could act! That only made her sexier in my book. And Maxie J. Santillan Jr., as the old man who acted as the sage for the group, was entertaining as well. Just a really capable cast. Not one weak link here.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE BANGING A HOT DOCTOR IN FRONT OF THE UNDEAD

- David's partner criticized him for talking and acting "black". Obviously, he was one of the many people who was smart enough NOT to see SOUL MAN back in the 80s.

- David claims that his job as a cop is to know every criminal on the streets by their names. Yeah, if there are no donut shops or plungers around! However, if you like forceful entries in the rectum region, then please ignore this one.

- G-Dog said the zombies can do everything but "skull fuck" people "with their atomic dicks." I totally agree. Only Lois Lane has knowledge of this experience and it should stay that way.

- Lisa is a great marksman. Any chick who can master a gun goes on top of my list...and my lap.

- None of the survivors want to have sex with zombies, afraid their appendages might be mutiliated because of hunger. Although lesbians probably welcome their carpets being munched...

- Larson got his penis bit off by a zombie. I guess someone needed a penis transplant...

- Lisa has a thing for David and vice-versa. Hot chicks dig THE OUTSIDERS, even if their 15 minutes of fame have already run out and then some.

THE FINAL HOWL
While not a perfect film [the ending was way rushed, some plot holes, and a very slow and unoriginal beginning], MUTANT VAMPIRE ZOMBIES FROM THE 'HOOD is still a surprisingly fun time. If you are interested in seeing this film and want to see how a low budget zombie film should look like, check out their website at Seminal Films. Apparently there is another installment called NINJA PIRATE WEREWOLVES IN 'SPACE - a film I'm actually looking forward to. How can you not with a title like that? But in the meantime, take a look at MVZFTH. It may leave you starving for more.

It’s pretty clear by now that Sasha Baron Cohen has big cojones. With his latest mockumentary “Bruno,” he and Director Larry Charles (“Borat” and “Religulous”) once again take the most outrageous of characters and insert him into situations with unsuspecting people. That there are any unsuspecting people left after “Borat” is pretty amazing. The results prove to be offensive, almost unbelievable, and occasionally gut bustingly hilarious. “Bruno” could be one of those movies where you might end up giving away the best parts of it to your friends before they see it, but a lot of the scenes that Cohen and Charles pull off here have to be seen to be believed. Bruno is one of Sasha’s most infamous characters that he originated on “Da Ali G Show” years ago, and this will probably prove to be the character’s swan song as Bruno is so big now that he can never walk around unnoticed ever again.

Bruno, as he constantly refers to himself in the 3rd person, is a 19-year old Austrian fashionista (Sasha Baron Cohen was 37 when he made this) whose show is supposedly a really big deal in his native country. However, he ends up getting fired after he accidentally (that’s being generous) disrupts a fashion show when his 100% Velcro outfit ends up attaching itself to just about every piece of clothing he comes in contact with. Bruno loses his show and is soon dumped by his Pygmy lover Diesel with whom he engages in sex with through the most bizarre of machines (one which looks borrowed from “Burn After Reading”). From there, he travels with his assistant Lutz (who secretly lusts after him) to America where he attempts to become famous with a whole new fashion show.

Let’s get this out of the way now; “Bruno” is not as brilliant as “Borat” was. Now that we have a clear idea of how both Larry and Sasha pulled that one off, their formula of doing things is no longer revolutionary, and we spend a lot of time trying to see through the character as well as the people he interviews. Are the people they pick actually in on the joke? Do they know that what they are doing and how they are behaving will end up on the big screen? Are they doing this in the hopes of trying to extort some money from Universal Pictures through lawsuits? As a result, “Bruno” predictably suffers in comparison, but if you can get past that, there are still many moments of audacious hilarity to be found throughout this one.

Indeed, Bruno as a character has many stereotypical traits that we have come to expect from homosexuals (this probably says more about us though). Many are coming out (no pun intended) against this movie as it “reinforces negative stereotypes.” Cohen is not even trying to hide the fact that this character is a caricature of sorts, and he shouldn’t have to because that’s the only way the character could work throughout this film. Be it this or “Borat,” Sasha’s objective is to get an emotional response from each of the people he comes in contact with. Either with celebrities like Paula Abdul or with politicians like Ron Paul, he wants to make both them and the audience uncomfortable so that maybe we can see into ourselves and see the truth that we should have seen a long time ago. We are nowhere as perfect as we think we are, and we are not above the realm of racism or homophobia. It is embedded into our consciousness one way or another, and once we recognize the bad parts of ourselves clearly, the better we will be for acknowledging it.

The original title of this movie was going to be “Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt.” This could have become a one-joke movie with the title character going around making everyone uncomfortable by being unmistakably gay and bringing out the ignorant schmuck in all of us. But it’s to the credit of everyone involved that the joke doesn’t stop there. Both Cohen and Charles have bigger fish to fry, and they even go after others like the religious right and those are even further to the right than they are. One of my favorite scenes is where Bruno and his assistant are stuck together in this S&M outfit that they cannot unlock themselves from, and they run into that Westboro Baptist Church group that carries all those fascist signs that say “God Hates Fags”. Seeing them get punked by Sasha Baron Cohen was alone worth the price of admission.

Bruno takes things even further when he meets with certain church groups who take it upon themselves to turn gay people straight, as if such a thing were actually possible. They see homosexuality as a lifestyle choice, not something that you are born with. Yet the funny thing is that these people who run these groups are probably hiding in the closet still, and this seems to be the case in the way that one of them stares at Bruno when he talks to him. It’s like this guy can only convince himself of so much. Another scene has Bruno talking with another church member who essentially treats women as though they are animals to be reckoned with. This is the kind of guy you would just love to stick in a big group of feminists to see how long he stays standing.

I’m sure I find it as ironic as Sasha Baron Cohen does at how these churches try to promote peace and togetherness while at the same time sinking into the quicksand of sexism and of separating people they see as living a “life of sin” out of some misguided interpretation of the Bible. Granted, not all churches are like that (thank god), but its people like these who give churches a really bad name.

Another big target in “Bruno” is the world of celebrity itself, and of one’s desperate need to be famous. I’m not just talking about Bruno himself, and he doesn’t hesitate to stoop to some ridiculously low level to achieve his dream of fame. In one of the film’s infamous scenes, he has an audition for a photo shoot with parents to see which ones will best work with his own little bundle of joy (we’ll get to him later). Bruno asks the mothers (the fathers are nowhere to be found) if they would mind subjecting their children to a swarm of bees, or to be tied to a cross like Jesus. Their reactions are shocking in that they don’t seem to mind doing any of that. They appear to be quite accepting of the terms to where you have to wonder what is more disturbing; What Bruno is supposedly attempting to put the babies through, or the fact that the parents appear to have no problems with it.

Sasha Baron Cohen proves to be one of the gutsiest comic actors working today as well as one of the most outrageously creative. With Bruno, he creates a character that (from a physical standpoint) looks completely different from Borat. I mean, that had to be the case because otherwise more people than not would have picked up on his act, and there would be no movie. But seriously, he interviews a leader of a Hammas terrorist group, he traps Ron Paul into a room in hopes of doing a sex tape that he thinks will give him a huge audience, he spends a night with a group of hunters talking about “Sex and the City,” and he even goes on a Jerry Springer-like TV show where he shows off his black adopted baby who he gives a “traditional African-American” name of O.J. Where does Sasha get the balls to do all these things? Just about everyone else would do their best to avoid situations where they would be subjected to total humiliation or end up being hated so much by others. But Cohen is much like the late Andy Kaufman in that he feeds off of peoples’ volatile emotional reactions to what is going on, and he is all the funnier (let alone the more shocking) for it.

Still, there’s no way we can recapture the same feel of this revolutionary concept of comedy on film. Now that we have seen “Borat,” we can see where this movie is heading to where it all becomes a familiar formula. It’s kind of sad because there is nothing more invigorating than a comedy that gives you one gut busting laugh after another. “Bruno” threatens to be more hit and miss than its predecessor, but there are still many brilliant moments scattered throughout that are both incredibly funny and seriously shocking. It would actually be worth it for me to see it again with a big audience just to hear them react. I saw it on a Monday night with a very tiny audience. Maybe I’ll see it again if I get the chance (I probably won’t though).

“What’s up??!!”

*** out of ****

“The Hangover” is now officially the sleeper hit of the Summer 2009 movie season. Judging from the reaction it elicited from its trailers, that was certain to be the case as much as Eddie Murphy’s “Imagine That” was expected to be a bomb. The best way for me to describe this movie is that it is wicked funny. It’s not afraid to break any particular taboos, and its setup is ingenious. While part of me wishes that I got to see “The Hangover” before the hype machine exploded and went into overdrive, this movie proves to be one of the best times I have had so far at the movies this summer season.

The movie stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, and Justin Bartha as a group of guys on their way to spend a fun filled weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada. The groom, Doug Billings (Justin Bartha), is only a couple of days from becoming a married man, and his close friends and soon-to-be brother in law Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis) take him out of town to show him the time of his life while he is still a free man. They celebrate this moment together on the top of Caesar’s Palace where they are staying for the night with a couple shots of Jagermeister, toasting to an evening they say they will never forget.

But then morning comes, and they can’t remember a single thing that they have done. We can suspect though that it was the craziest of nights as we see a burnt chair still smoking, a sex doll floating in an overflowing bathtub, and an uninvited tiger in the bathroom (not chained to anything I might add). There’s another big problem, the groom is missing, and no one knows where he is anymore than they can remember what happened the night before. The rest of the movie involves their search for Doug, and their horrifying discoveries of what actually went down leading up to when they woke up. “The Hangover” quickly becomes one of those “oh no you didn’t” movies, and it is all the funnier for it.

Todd Phillips, who previously directed Will Ferrell to the Streakers Hall of Fame in “Old School,” directs “The Hangover” which continues his theme of exploring the lives of men who just can’t seem to grow up or act their age. Phil Wenneck (Bradley Cooper) is a schoolteacher and a married man and father, yet he seems the most eager of the four guys to live life to the max, free of all obligations. Stu Price (Ed Helms) treats this as an opportunity to escape his girlfriend of several years (who can never stand to have him kiss her I might add) and to trick her into believing that he is actually going to wine country in Napa County. For Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis), this is just another place where he can be his usual socially maladjusted self as he is one of those man child characters who easily creeps people and not even realizing it.

Of all the guys in this movie, Doug Billings seems to be the most mature of the bunch, and who seems to have his act together in a way that the others do not. So when he suddenly disappears from the movie, you can only imagine the chaos this causes among the guys whose lives are probably not what they dreamt they would be. Then again, none of these characters would necessarily be able to solve this disappearance on their own.

By putting us in the vantage point of Phil, Stu, and Alan, “The Hangover” turns into an unpredictable comedy as we are along with these three men, discovering what shenanigans they got themselves into the same time they do. Looking back, I’m not sure how much these events would stand up to logical scrutiny, but the movie is so much fun, WHO CARES?! It’s not like we’re watching one of those “Saw” movies for crying out loud! What I love is that the movie keeps building up from one utterly bizarre situation to where just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do.

I don’t want to spend all this time ruining the best parts of the movie for you, so let’s just get to the talent involved here. Bradley Cooper gets a great opportunity to shed his bully image which he perfected in such movies as “Wedding Crashers.” Well actually, he doesn’t permanently shed it here, as he seems to get people to do things they would not otherwise do under more sane circumstances. But his role here in “The Hangover” should do more than enough to break him out of his typecasting dilemma of being the snobbish bully. With Phil, he gives the movie its coolest character.

Ed Helms is a comic actor I am actually not all that familiar with. Right now, he appears in the American version of “The Office” and on “The Daily Show” with Jon Stewart, two shows I really need to take the time to watch. As Stu Price, Ed gives us the movie its resident wimpy nerd character, a common stereotype in comedies of this sort. Indeed, any actor in this role could just get away with simply playing the character traits we come to expect from pussy-whipped bitches like these: the shy and awkward smiles, letting the glasses define them on the surface to where they are easily identifiable, wearing tidy clothes in the most inappropriate of venues, etc. The fact that Ed doesn’t just stoop to playing all those behaviors and appearances makes his performance come off really well. We have a good idea from the start of “The Hangover” of where Stu will end up by the film’s end, but Ed takes him from being a wimp to a stronger man believably, and he makes Stu ever so endearing to the audience. Plus, Ed ends up with the sexiest character in the entire movie, so he’s the luckiest of the bunch in that respect!

Hey wait a second… Let’s talk about the sexiest character in “The Hangover.” She’s an escort and exotic dancer named Jade, and she is played by the still irresistible Heather Graham (she probably has a boyfriend as I write this review). It’s now been a full ten years or so since she burned herself into our collective conscious as Rollergirl in “Boogie Nights,” and I was thrilled to see her in this movie. In the past few years, Heather’s career has taken quite a hit to where she has been cast in indie movies that were far beneath her let alone anyone else, and to where she was given the lead in a television series that lasted one episode. No one should forget what a great actress she can be, and many of her recent projects have squandered her talent in forgetful stories. I really hope that she gets the career boost she deserves with “The Hangover” because it shows that her talent has not been lost, and it never will be.

As I write this review, “The Hangover” is making a huge killing at the box office, and it should be clear to everyone by now who the movie’s true breakout star is - Zach Galifianakis. Having appeared in various films and television shows, I imagine that only so many people know who he is. But after this movie, everybody should know exactly who he is. As Alan Garner, Zach gives us someone whose sanity seems to be quite questionable, and what he says about himself hints at just how screwed up he really is. You can only guess at what kind of character he really is, and the rub there is that what you say about him could end up saying more about you. Alan Garner turns out to be one of the more unpredictable characters in recent movies to where you almost live in fear of what he might possibly do next, and that’s even if it has you laughing your ass off. The way he bonds with the guys is anything but healthy. Zach is a gifted comedian to say the least.

In addition, “The Hangover” features some great cameos throughout. I’m sure you all know by now that Mike Tyson is in the movie, and seeing him rock out to Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” is a comic highlight. It’s an unfortunate coincidence that the film opened around the same of his daughter’s tragic death, but I do hope he knows that we do get a kick out of seeing him having a sense of humor about himself. I also loved Jeffrey Tambour who is always a deadpan delight in everything he does. As Sid Garner, Doug’s father-in-law to be, he personifies the knowledge of how what goes on in Vegas really needs to stay there, seriously. And Ken Jeong, very memorable as a doctor in “Knocked Up,” is a gas as crime boss Mr. Chow.

“The Hangover” is not all politically correct to put it mildly, but in the end, this is just a movie you should have fun watching. By now, you should all know what kind of movie you will be seeing when you step inside the theater. It’s always welcome to have a raunchy comedy like this when all things around us seem so deadly serious. Even if the movie is uneven at times, the laughs keep coming, and I do have to once again say that the movie is indeed wicked funny. Some comedies this summer have been sucking royally, so it’s nice to see this one succeed where other high concept ones fail.

I have not been to Las Vegas myself yet, and that just might change this summer. Lord only knows if it will be half as crazy as what is up on the screen here. I just hope I’m good at blackjack.

***1/2 out of ****

DIRECTED BY
David Gordon Green

STARRING
Seth Rogen - Dale Denton
James Franco - Saul Silver
Danny R. McBride - Red
Gary Cole - Ted Jones
Rosie Perez - Officer Carol Brazier
Amber Heard - Angie Anderson
Craig Robinson - Matheson
Kevin Corrigan - Budlofsky

Genre - Comedy/Stoner/Action/Buddy

Running Time - 111 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4


If there's anyone in Hollywood who is still giving viewers comedies that actually have laughs, it's Judd Apatow. The man has been on a roll, either producing or directing films that seem to be part of modern pop culture. Is there anyone out there who hasn't heard of or seen ANCHORMAN? THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN? KNOCKED UP? SUPERBAD? FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL? DRILLBIT TAYLOR? Okay, maybe the last one is kind of justified [I haven't seen it yet actually] but the other films are still really funny. Who knew that the guy who produced that short-lived television show almost 10 years ago called Freaks & Geeks would be one of the most powerful and influencial men on the comedy movie scene?

Freaks & Geeks - the little show that did a lot but was appreciated by few during its short run. I was a big fan of the show when it was on NBC during Saturday Night programming [great night to show your program, dillhole NBC executives] but it ended way too soon and confirmed that great, intelligent shows will get cancelled while crap like According To Jim remains on air. But at least the actors on the show have thrived and become bigger stars since. Linda Cardinelli has gone from SCOOBY DOO to E.R. Busy Phillips went from Dawson's Creek to E.R. as well. Jason Segel is now on How I Met Your Mother and starred in many Apatow flicks. But the two that have really made it have been Seth Rogen and James Franco.

Franco has probably had the most prolific work of the two, although his star has only really gotten to shine recently. Winning that Golden Globe in 2002 for JAMES DEAN and starring in those SPIDER-MAN flicks should have made the guy an A-lister. Unfortunately, Franco was stuck in the "guy who broods and whines alot" role, where he wasted his talent in films that were beneath him. It was a struggle because I'm a fan of the guy and watching him do films like ANNAPOLIS and FLYBOYS wasn't really gonna make him a big star. But then I saw that guy who was on Freaks & Geeks during the very disappointing SPIDER-MAN 3, where he pretty much stole the show as The New Goblin and seemed to be enjoying himself again in front of a camera. Add his cameo in KNOCKED UP and it was like seeing a talented actor break the chains that kept him typecast.

Rogen had a longer trip to get noticed, but he did it by sticking with what he knows: working with Apatow and playing the loveable slacker character that we all seem to appreciate for whatever reason. He's pretty much hit it big every time, with THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, KNOCKED UP, and SUPERBAD making the guy a bonafide star.

So it's 9 years after Freaks & Geeks and the Apatow/Franco/Rogen team is back on the field, ready to hit a comic homerun in the stoner flick, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. I was really excited about this one for a while because I remember the great chemistry Rogen and Franco had on Freaks & Geeks and figured the magic would still be there. And I was correct, even though the film isn't a home run. But it's a helluva triple, I must say, and that's good enough for me. So let's light this bitch up and see what comes up in smoke.

PLOT
Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) is your typical stoned pot-head who happens to be a process server. That explains the pot smoking. Anyway, this guy pretty much delivers subpoenas high as a kite and enjoys dating high school girls named Angela (Amber Heard). Dale, on his way to serve some papers, stops by at his stringy haired dealer, Saul Silver's (James Franco), house. Saul introduces Dale to some really good marijuana called the Pineapple Express, which will make one high as a motherfucker - to the point where you'll be walking on clouds. After smoking some pot shaped as a giant cross, Dale continues on with his job, ready to deliver a subpoena to some drug lord named Ted (Gary Cole). While waiting outside in his car, he witnesses Ted and a dirty cop named Carol Brazier (Rosie Perez) kill some other cop. Dale immediately freaks out and makes a lot of noise getting away, putting a target on his ass. Unfortunately, Dale puts a target on Saul as well since Dale dropped some Pineapple Express on the ground in mid-escape, which Ted actually sold to Saul. Wanting to silence any witnesses, Ted sends some idiot lackeys (Craig Robinson and Kevin Corrigan) to hunt them down. Dale and Saul escape and go on the run before the lackeys can find them, seeking the help of Saul's hilarious dealer Red (Danny R. McBride). This is only the start of their problems, as they seem to have started some sort of gang war in which they now have to survive with force. Now where are my Fruit Roll-Ups?

REVIEW
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS isn't the best stoner comedy I've seen but it's still a very funny flick. There's a bit of MIDNIGHT RUN. There's a bit of SUPERBAD. There's a bit of TRUE ROMANCE. There's a bit of FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. It's a very smart film that's never as lazy as the stoner characters who make the film what it is.

The script by Rogen and Evan Goldberg [who also wrote SUPERBAD together] is almost close to genius. I mean, what film has the balls to have two grown men selling drugs at a schoolyard and getting away with it? Or creating a quasi homoerotic vibe between Saul and Dale that is more funny than shocking? And what about stoners having gun fights with each other in order to survive? It's insane. It's almost illogical. But it works because Rogen and Goldberg believe it works, which helps the actors believe it can work too. We've seen the whole "innocent bystander who knows too much must escape bad guys by devising strategies to stay alive and take back control of their lives" in these action/thriller flicks. But here, the "innocent bystander" has to do this while stoned. Yeah, imagine how well that turns out. You'd think the characters would want to be sober for this mess. Nope, they would rather bong away. Silly but hilarious. The dialogue is mostly funny, due to improv mainly from Rogen and Franco, and you just sit there with a smile on your face wondering if this kind of thing can actually happen in real life [someone gets shot like 5 times and still lives - I thought 50 Cent only had that kind of luck].

I also appreciated that the script felt more cohesive than some other Apatow comedies, since the plot was stronger. I love KNOCKED UP but I could have cut a few scenes from that flick without it hurting the film at all. I have a harder time doing that with PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. It seems every bit has a purpose. There's a point for everything in the film. I do feel that this may have made the film less funny at times since it had to follow the basic storyline. Some parts did drag, especially in the second act, although the car chase sequence almost made up for it [definitely one of the funnier scenes in the entire film - I'll never put my foot through a car window if I'm evading people while driving]. I also thought the action stuff wasn't as tight as it could have been towards the end, but it's definitely a stronger story than most of the Apatow films that have been released. We understand who these people are. We understand why they do the things they do. We accept the consequences without question. It's simple, mature, and smart storytelling that doesn't become a parody of what it's trying to be.

David Gordon Green, who's better known for his indie flicks such as SNOW ANGELS and ALL THE REAL GIRLS, isn't the type of person you'd associate with directing a film like PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. But surprisingly, it really works in the film's advantage. Not only is Green a great filmmaker, he "gets" it. He knows this isn't about winning an Oscar or becoming the next Martin Scorcese or Steven Spielberg. Green is having fun with the subject and not really taking it all that seriously. But he also gives the film a lot of heart, because he shoots things in a way in which we're allowed to care about them. Especially Saul and Dale, who I'm sure most people would find one-dimensional, but are given a lot of depth visually with the help of the actors playing them. The action sequences are energenic and fun. The prologue in black-and-white has style. Another director could have made PINEAPPLE EXPRESS look and feel like a live-action cartoon. But he gives a very ridiculous premise an intelligence I'm sure most filmmakers would totally not bother dealing with. Hell, if you can make a grown man dating a teenager a likeable guy who doesn't seem to want to become an adult rather than making him look like a disgusting pedophile and a paper thin stoner character into a person we can actually identify with, you're doing something right. Green definitely enhances this film. This could have been a mess in less capable hands.

The acting is dead on. Seth Rogen plays the loveable slacker guy down to an art. He knows who the character is. He seems extremely comfortable in the character, giving Dale Denton depth and sympathy even when he does the stupidest things. Rogen is good at not acting in a way just to make people laugh. He's just naturally funny and brings that to the table through his character, not by some silly gimmick [looking at you, Mike Myers].

However, the real star of the duo is James Franco, who has finally come out of that shell he's been hiding under for so many years and liberated himself by playing Saul Silver. The guy is hilarious and has excellent comic timing. It's obvious he was inspired by Sean Penn's Spicolli character from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, but does it his way. He looks like he's having a blast. I don't think I've ever seen Franco seem more confortable with himself on film like I do here. He takes what could have been a joke of a character and gives him life. He's probably one of the most loveable stoners I have ever seen on film. Originally, the two actors had the roles in reverse, which would have made Rogen "Saul" and Franco "Dale". I'm so glad Apatow made them switch because it works so well and the two have awesome chemistry together. I would love to see these guys work together again. And not in another 9 years either. They're that good.

Big points also go to Danny R. McBride as Red, the missing piece of the trifecta. He talks shit. He gets shot to shit but refuses to die. McBride brings the funny and I literally cried during some of his scenes, especially with Rogen and Franco. I believe McBride is also in TROPIC THUNDER, which is coming out in a couple of days. This guy is gonna be a big comedy star. "Thug life." - Nuff said.

The supporting actors were good too. Gary Cole and Rosie Perez don't do much but are good in their villain roles. They were a bit too generic for me though, which kind of make the good vs. evil dynamic a bit unbalanced, but it didn't bother me much. But they're characters could have been a bit more developed since Dale, Saul, and Red had their share of it.

And I gotta give kudos on the music used in the film. Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue"? "Tha Crossroads" by Bones Thugs 'N' Harmony? Was that Huey Lewis and the News during the end credits? And did James Franco really utter out N.W.A. lyrics during a gun fight? I have two words for this: FUCKIN' AWESOME.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE...I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS I SAYIN' AGAIN?

- Bongs take away all addictive agents marijuana possesses, according to Saul. I'm not too sure about that. If that were true, how does one explain SONNY, FLYBOYS, ANNAPOLIS, DEUCES WILD, that cameo in that horrible THE WICKER MAN remake...?

- Gary Cole plays a very convincing scumbag. Playing Mike Brady in two THE BRADY BUNCH films will probably do that to a person. At least he still has a job. I'm wondering if that Tiki amulet destroyed Shelley Long's career. Or maybe she's busy making TROOP BEVERLY HILLS 2. Yeah, I like the no career better.

- Don't ever tell another man that you'll love to dip your pen in their company ink. Especially in prison. That kind of stuff leads to situations involving water, soap, and a prostate exam you were not expecting. Zip it!

- Don't smoke pot before watching PINEAPPLE EXPRESS in a theater. Yeah, you'll probably enjoy the film more. But then you'll have the munchies and you'll be buying all that expensive food, leaving your wallets bare to the point where you can't buy another stash. And when you don't have pot to deal with that revelation, it'll only lead to really bad and dark things. Remember - don't help the economy. Help yourself.

*This is a Public Service Announcement paid for by The Wolf*

THE FINAL HOWL
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS is a good time at the movies. It'll make you laugh. It'll probably make you cry because of laughing. It's the best comedy of the summer so far, which isn't saying a whole lot, but it's still a fact. Even though this is a "stoner comedy", you don't need to be on drugs to enjoy a smart, well filmed, and well acted movie. So go out and get high on some PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. If you don't, THE LOVE GURU and the upcoming DISASTER MOVIE will torture you constantly in your afterlife. Nobody wants that fate.